So You Think You're Not Guilty

[first lines]

[at a traffic light]

Alice McDoakes:
Joe, wake up, it says go.

Joe McDoakes:
Ah.

[in court]

Joe McDoakes:
...not guilty.

Judge:
I beg your pardon?

Joe McDoakes:
I said I'm not guilty, your honor.

Judge:
You realize that by pleading guilty and paying two dollars, the case will be dismissed?

Joe McDoakes:
I don't want it dismissed. I'm not guilty. What kind of a city is this anyhow? You got signals that go up and down and up and down and up and down.

Judge:
Do you waive a trial by jury?

Joe McDoakes:
I waive nothing. I want the best jury in the country. I wouldn't trust my fate in the hands of any one servant of this this corrupted city.

Judge:
All right. Jury trial, date to be set. Defendant pleads not guilty. You're free to go now, Mr. McDoakes.

Joe McDoakes:
Darn right I am.

Judge:
Except for one thing.

Judge:
What?

Judge:
The fine for contempt of court is fifty dollars.

Joe McDoakes:
[shouts] Fifty dollars?

Judge:
Seventy-five.

Joe McDoakes:
[shouts] For what?

Judge:
One hundred. Step over to the bailiff.

[last lines]

[at a traffic light]

Joe McDoakes:
[sighs] Ooh, it's sure swell to be a free man again, honey. Y'know, it's a good thing they let me out. When they did I, I was getting to be a real convict. Ha ha.

Alice McDoakes:
Yes dear, you had me a little worried.

[traffic light signal changes]

Alice McDoakes:
Come on Joe, the signal changed.

Joe McDoakes:
Ah.

[the car passes the sign and again it starts going up and down. McDoakes stumbles upon the crossroad and a cop approaches him]

Joe McDoakes:
[talking fast] I'm guilty. I know. I did it. I went through the red light. I'm sorry, kay. Look here. I'll pay you now. There's the two dollars, take it.