Someone Marry Barry

Barry Burke:
[at a speed dating event] Hi, I'm Barry... NEXT!

Goker:
Your favorite book is the novelization of the Bill Murray classic 'Stripes'. It's one of my favorite books! I did not care for the movie.

Melanie Miller:
Hey! Ladies first, ladies first!

Barry Burke:
I'll tell you if I see one.

Barry Burke:
I'm not going to lie. This is exactly what it looks like.

Barry Burke:
I notice you carry a formidable amount of junk in your trunk.

Rafe:
So you want to disown him?

Desmond:
Nah, that wouldn't work. He'd just keep coming back like a zombie or something.

Ben:
You have rendered me completely speechless.

Melanie Miller:
Thank you!

Kurt:
I want to clarify something. I can't kill someone. I can't. But I wanna help. I'll dig the hole.

Barry Burke:
But that is neither here nor there.

Goker:
No, no, my friend. That is both here and there.

Melanie Miller:
What would you do without your wing girl?

Paige:
Get dates.

Barry Burke:
[surprised] You're giving me sh*t? He's the one trying to get laid at his Dad's funeral!

Barry Burke:
Everyone knows you're too busy chasing around random skanks to spend time with your son.

Barry Burke:
Any guy would gladly get up to his nuts in her guts, okay? That's not up for dispute here.

Desmond:
We don't need someone who CAN put up with Barry. We need someone who HAS to put up with Barry. The type of person who has to put up with a never-ending stream of infantile behavior. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for their entire life.

Kurt:
A therapist!

Rafe:
A wife.

Goker:
I do not sell women to men who hate women! We do not sell b*tches! If we did, it would be called Goker's Mail Order B*tches!

Melanie Miller:
We'd probably be f***ing right now if it weren't for my situation below deck.

Ben:
[uncomfortable] Oh. Oh, yeah?

Melanie Miller:
Ok, I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with beast inspection.

Ben:
[in Spanish] I would like to hurl myself off a cliff and die a fiery death.

Juanita:
[in Spanish] I am so with you on that.

Barry Burke:
[to Mel Miller] You've got cockfight written all over you.

Melanie Miller:
I think they have incredible cuisine at Hooters, but most people don't notice 'cause of all the massive tits.

Barry Burke:
I know, the tits are distracting.

Melanie Miller:
Sorry they're only B-cup, but actually I can swell to a C when I'm menstruating.

Desmond:
That's... disgusting.

Barry Burke:
My god. I never thought I'd say this to a lady, but I can't wait until your time of the month!

Melanie Miller:
[to Rachel] I used to have a rat named Rachel!

Rachel:
[repulsed] Um... cool?

Rafe:
[repulsed] That's a detail.

Leslie - Speed Dater:
[to Barry] I'm sitting across from you. I hear the words coming out of your mouth.

Desmond:
[stepping between Leslie & Barry] Look, if it's any consolation, he's always like this.

Goker:
She'd marry a raccoon with an extended a**hole if it got her out of her f***ing village.

Melanie Miller:
I'm a sushi slut!

Ben:
How does that manifest itself?

Melanie Miller:
I'm a whore for sushi.

Melanie Miller:
Did I get puke on your cock?

Barry Burke:
Don't worry about it. I like it.

Goker:
Here at Goker's we are not about business. First and foremost, we are about love, passion, romance, f***ing, okay? Hot f*** action at a really reasonable price.

Barry Burke:
I am gay for your 'stache.