Something Wilder

Annie Bergman:
Congratulations, Gene. You have knocked O.J. Simpson off of the front page!

Gene Bergman:
Why am I the one who's going?

Annie Bergman:
Because we don't know if they're a bunch of maniacs over there with Uzis waiting to blow away the first person to come to the door.

Gene Bergman:
So, I'm the one who's expendable?

Annie Bergman:
Unfortunately, Gene, yes. Because I'm the only one who knows how to work the dishwasher!

Alice Cooper:
You know, when I put the band together, biting heads off chickens was not part of the original act.

Gene Bergman:
You bite heads off of chickens?

Alice Cooper:
Oh, no, no, no. The chicken thing was exaggerated. I mean, you know, we were already the bad boys of rock. We had the long hair and the makeup and the snake.

Gene Bergman:
What snake?

Alice Cooper:
Gene, do you have any idea who I am?

Annie Bergman:
He's the best thing to happen to Stockbridge since Norman Rockwell.

Alice Cooper:
Wow! It's not often that I get my name mentioned in the same breath as Norman Rockwell. Norman Bates....

Gene Bergman:
Why are you so starstruck? In New York, we lived next door to the man who won the Nobel Prize in physics.

Annie Bergman:
Yeah, but I didn't lose my virginity listening to one of his lectures on quantum theory!

Gene Bergman:
Alice, would you do me one more little favor?

Alice Cooper:
Sure, Gene. Us guys with girls' names have got to stick together.

Gene Bergman:
(to Jack Travis) The most diffacult task is to raise a family.

Brain:
(reading) Gene, The hardest thing to do is: avoiding taxes

Gene Bergman:
(angry at being out smarted) Are you just here to state the obvious.

Brain:
(still reading) No, I'm here to point out your obvious shortcomings.

Gene Bergman:
Why don't I just get rid of him.

Brain:
(Still reading) Because I figure out your Income Tax for free.

Jack Travis:
He's got you on a Technacality there Gene.