Specials

Minute Man:
The great thing about not getting the person that you love is that you can still think about that person and masturbate, which is essentially the same thing.

Deadly Girl:
Ted might have been right about some things. Like drinking; last week I got drunk at a bar mitzvah, unthinkingly summoned forth demons and...they ate a kid.

Deadly Girl:
I used to think I didn't need a family. I mean, I had the demons and the walking skeletons. But the difference between a walking skeleton and a kid is, a kid won't eat the soft parts of your face while you're sleeping.

The Weevil:
I've had superpowers longer than anyone in the Specials, I think - which explains why I'm the only one with a Pez dispenser with a little me on it.

Minute Man:
The one thing that happened that sucked was that I lost my shrinking ability for two weeks, like a flu bug, or...I mean, I didn't lose them entirely. I was able to shrink down to about four-foot-five. But just being short isn't really a superpower.

Amok:
Sex? It's difficult. I get charged up, the anti-matter starts flying, next thing you know I'm humping a chick without an ass. I shoulda just stayed home.

The Weevil:
My old man used to say that love is what happens when you fail at living life on your own. He was gay, so what did he know?

U.S. Bill:
This is the basement. Want to see the furnace?

Nightbird:
That's okay.

U.S. Bill:
It's hot. Don't press your face against it for too long or you get red streaks on you for, like, a month.

Minute Man:
What's it like summoning demons?

Deadly Girl:
They do your will, and that makes you feel good about yourself.

Ms. Indestructible:
Every morning I look down and I'm wearing boots with lightning bolts on them and I think...where did I make the wrong turn?

The Weevil:
The government gives the Crusaders all the best gigs. The Specials, Goddamn, it's like being last sailor in line behind the whore.

College Girl:
Hey, are you Minuteman? Can we have your autography?

Minute Man:
My-noot man! Do I look like a soldier from the revolutionary war? I don't think so! Am I wearing a three-cornered hat?! No! I turn small! Think!

Verdict:
You know what first ran through my head, when I discovered I was the world's strongest man?

The Weevil:
No.

Verdict:
Think of the p*ssy, Weevil.

The Weevil:
What's a p*ssy-weevil?

The Weevil:
So, why me?

Verdict:
"Weevil" is a brand name in which we'd like to share. And you have the superpower we most admire -- you know how to make people like you.

The Weevil:
Yeah, well -

Verdict:
And, also, we have a line of Crusader Beanie Babies coming out in August, and none of our members wear blue.

Amok:
We may not be the prettiest, or the smartest, or the most powerful. But we don't exist for the beautiful people of the world, Ted! We're there for the oddball, the rebel, the outcast, the geek!