Spy School

Mrs. Bleckner:
You're a storyteller, Thomas. Do you know what storytellers do?

Thomas Miller:
They tell stories?

Mrs. Bleckner:
No. They tell...yes, they tell stories.

Thomas Miller:
And that, Mrs. Bleckner, is why I don't have the formula on your desk. So very, very sorry.

Mrs. Bleckner:
Let's try this one more time, shall we? Your math homework, Mr. Miller. And please refrain from patronizing me with "my dog ate it" or "my grandmother passed away".

Thomas Miller:
Actually, you see, it's sort of a combination thing. The truth is, my grandmother was helping me with my homework. Bless her soul. Then my dog pounced on the kitchen table and ate her. Yep! That's why I don't have my homework. My dog ate my grandmother.

Thomas Miller:
I'd like to say something in my defense.

[turns to Jackie]

Jackie Hoffman:
Don't speak.

Thomas Miller:
But she...

Jackie Hoffman:
Shh!

Thomas Miller:
I need to explore all my options.

Jackie Hoffman:
I'm your only option.

Jackie Hoffman:
Let me understand. I continue to be the only person who actually listens to your outrageous stories.

Thomas Miller:
Yo, dog. [dog turns to him] How do I look?

Thomas Miller:
[Thomas has just knocked Mr. Randall off a ladder] Oops, sorry.

Mr. Randall:
[groaning] "Oops, sorry"?

Jackie Hoffman:
[to Thomas] You're so disturbed. [smiles]

Drake Chapman:
What's going on Mildred?

Thomas Miller:
Hello Drake. So what's it going to be today? Stuff me in a locker? Shake me down for loose change? Hey, you know what's always fun? Hanging me from the flagpole by my underwear? People laugh, they cry, they go home happy. Always a real crowd pleaser.

Jackie Hoffman:
Why are you giving him ideas?

Thomas Miller:
Because he is too dumb to come up with them on his own.

Drake Chapman:
Did you just call me dumb?

Jackie Hoffman:
[Thomas and Jackie make their way on hands and knees through the school ceilings. Jackie's tux is covered in dirt] Great. And I had to wear white.

Thomas Miller:
Since when do you care about that sort of thing?

Jackie Hoffman:
Hey, I'm still a girl.

Thomas Miller:
Chicks dig the tuba guy.

Thomas Miller:
[as Jackie is walking up with her white tux] Nice look, Hoffman.

Jackie Hoffman:
Really?

Thomas Miller:
Yeah.

Jackie Hoffman:
[smiles brightly] Thanks.

Jackie Hoffman:
So how does one go about saving one's life and no one really believes you?

Thomas Miller:
I have no idea.

Jackie Hoffman:
No weapons? Special gadgets? Secret powers? No ideas? This could be quite a challenge.

Thomas Miller:
I like challenges.

Thomas Miller:
[Jackie is sitting on a bench, Thomas comes up to her] Hey.

Jackie Hoffman:
Hey. [looks around] So where's Madison?

Thomas Miller:
I dropped her off at home.

Jackie Hoffman:
[without enthusiasm] Great.

Thomas Miller:
Anyway, she told me there's another dance tomorrow, and...

Jackie Hoffman:
You were going to tell me that you're taking her?

Thomas Miller:
No. Actually, if it's not too late, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come with me.

Jackie Hoffman:
[looks pleasantly surprised] I don't get it. What about "the girl"?

Thomas Miller:
[grinning] She's right here.

Thomas Miller:
[approaching Jackie] Hoffman! Jackie!

Jackie Hoffman:
[Jackie looks up then looks away]

Thomas Miller:
[sitting down with her] Listen. Someone's going to try to hurt the president's daughter. I think I know who it is. Randall, the new guy. You've gotta believe me!

Jackie Hoffman:
[turns toward him] Why should I?

Thomas Miller:
You're my best friend, Jackie. You always tell your best friend the truth.

Jackie Hoffman:
[after a pause] So why Madison Kramer? Huh, best friend? Why are you like obsessed with this random girl? Who you know nothing about?

Thomas Miller:
I kinda like the way she... how she talks.

Jackie Hoffman:
[adopting a fake British accent] Is that it, Thomas? Do you like the way I speak?

Thomas Miller:
Jackie!

Jackie Hoffman:
Do you find me charming, Thomas? Do you?

Thomas Miller:
Jackie, stop it! Look, I have no idea why Madison Kramer. The only thing I can think of is maybe it is predetermined.

Jackie Hoffman:
[quietly in her normal voice] Yeah.

Thomas Miller:
And one more thing. I just wanted to say sorry for every time I've hurt you and I wanted to say sorry in advance for every time I might hurt you.

Jackie Hoffman:
You plan on hurting me again?

Thomas Miller:
I would never plan on it.

Jackie Hoffman:
[after another pause] So say this whole president's daughter thing is, like, true. What now?

Thomas Miller:
I go to the dance and I save a life.

Jackie Hoffman:
And what do you want from me?

Thomas Miller:
Jackie, you're the one person in the world who I know always has my back.

Jackie Hoffman:
The only person who knows if you're telling the truth.

Thomas Miller:
Pretty much, yeah.

Jackie Hoffman:
Just close your eyes.

Thomas Miller:
No!

Jackie Hoffman:
Close your eyes or I'll throw you off this roof and I am talking on the driveway, not the grass!

Thomas Miller:
[before closing eyes] Now I'm spooked.

Jackie Hoffman:
[leaning forward to kiss him] For the first time, so am I.

Thomas Miller:
I need to explore all my options.

Jackie Hoffman:
I'm your only option. Look around. I don't see any lineup here.

Thomas Miller:
Madison Kramer.

[camera cuts to Madison as they look over to where she is, and then back]

Jackie Hoffman:
[incredulously] Madison Kramer?

Thomas Miller:
It could happen.

Jackie Hoffman:
Hold on, my phone's ringing.

[makes pretend phone with her hand]

Jackie Hoffman:
Hello? Oh yeah, hold on, he's right here.

[shows "phone" to Thomas]

Jackie Hoffman:
It's for you. It's Planet Earth. They'd like to know when you're coming back.

Grissom:
It's Friday. Albert has Friday off.

Thomas Miller:
When will he be back?

Grissom:
...Monday.

Jackie Hoffman:
Do you ever feel like life's random or just predetermined?

Thomas Miller:
I have no clue.

Jackie Hoffman:
Like, no matter what effort we make to be accepted, we'll still just end up on the roof, feeling like a couple of losers?

Thomas Miller:
Yeah, you know, the whole popularity thing never made much sense to me. I mean, what makes a kid popular in the first place?

Jackie Hoffman:
You're asking the wrong person.

Mrs. Bleckner:
[Mrs. Bleckner just opened the janitor's closet, discovering Randal tied up and gagged inside]]: What the...?!

Randal:
[Looking frantically up at Mrs. Bleckner and trying to scream for help]: Hmmmppppphhh! Hmmmpphhhhh!