St. Elmo's Fire

Kirby:
I always thought we'd be friends forever.

Kevin:
Yeah, well forever got a lot shorter all of a sudden.

Wendy:
We're really worried about this affair with your boss.

Jules:
I don't know why you're both so worried... So, I bop him for a couple of years, get his job when he gets his hands caught in the vault, do a black mink ad, retire in utter disgrace, then write a best seller and be a fabulous host on my own talk show...

Alec:
You're being arrested for drunk driving.

Billy:
Drunk definitely, I don't know if you could call it driving.

Billy:
The wet look is in, a**hole.

Alec:
That's Mr. A**hole to you.

Jules:
Don't you enjoy anything anymore... like girls?

Kevin:
I enjoy being afraid of Russia. It's a harmless fear, but it makes America feel better, Russia gets an inflated sense of national worth from our paranoia. How's that?

Kevin:
How come you never ask me if I want a date?

Naomi:
I thought you were gay!

Billy:
Jules, y'know, honey... this isn't real. You know what it is? It's St. Elmo's Fire. Electric flashes of light that appear in dark skies out of nowhere. Sailors would guide entire journeys by it, but the joke was on them... there was no fire. There wasn't even a St. Elmo. They made it up. They made it up because they thought they needed it to keep them going when times got tough, just like you're making up all of this. We're all going through this. It's our time at the edge.

Leslie:
Men... Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

Alec:
You walked out on this relationship.

Leslie:
I didn't walk out. You walked out.

Alec:
You f***ed Kevin!

Leslie:
You f***ed many!

Alec:
Nameless, faceless many.

Leslie:
Thank you. I feel much better now.

Dale:
Kirby! How are you?

Kirby:
I'm obsessed thank you very much.

Kirby:
Fluff and fold, buddy. Soon as I make it really big, I'm going fluff and fold.

Kirby:
It's true love, my friend.

Kevin:
Love, love, you know what love is? Love is an illusion created by lawyer types like yourself to perpetuate another illusion called marriage to create the reality of divorce and then the illusionary need for divorce lawyers.

Kevin:
Marriage is a concept invented by people who were lucky to make it to 20 without being eaten by dinosaurs. Marriage is extinct.

Alec:
Dinosaurs are extinct. Marriage is still around.

Kevin:
You know there are more people in law school right now than there are lawyers on the entire planet? Think about that.

Kirby:
You are just pissed off and bitter because you have not had sex in... how long? What is it... a year... maybe two? Refresh my memory please, Kevin. Haven't you heard of the sexual revolution?

Kevin:
Who won, huh? Nobody. Used to be sex was the only free thing, No longer. Alimony... palimony... it's all financial. Love is an illusion.

Kirby:
It's the only illusion that counts, my friend.

Kevin:
Says who?

Kirby:
Anyone who's been in love.

Kevin:
Love sucks.

Kirby:
So does your attitude.

Kirby:
There are several quintessential moments in a man's life: losing his virginity, getting married, becoming a father, and having the right girl smile at you.

Wendy:
No diet works. The only way to lose weight in the thighs is amputation.

Jules:
I thought you were taking steps to phase out everything that wasn't working in your life.

Wendy:
That doesn't leave much.

Kevin:
You know Jules, there is the brink of insanity and then there is the abyss, which obviously you have fallen into!

Kirby:
Why do they put ice in the urinals?

Kevin:
It tastes better

Kirby:
Bah Dum bum ching.

Leslie:
Alec is becoming a Republican... and he wants to get *married!* Oh, my God!

Jules:
I always *knew* he was a Republican!

Billy:
I should have had a vasectomy at birth! Let me tell you something Al, you ever have boys, do them a favor and get them neutered straight away. If they ever knock up some little slut, they're the ones who're f***ed!

Billy:
F***ed for life! I hate you, you little b*tch!

Billy:
So you lost your job? I've lost twenty of them since graduation. Plus a wife and kid. And, in a new development this morning, a handful of hair in the shower drain.

Leslie:
How's Howie?

Wendy:
Oh well, I wouldn't say my father's trying to bribe me, but he did offer me a Chrysler Lebaron convertible if I get engaged to Howie.

Jules:
Have you f***ed him yet?

Wendy:
Jules!... God.

Jules:
Listen... get the car, f*** him, and if you don't like him, break the engagement... And then you can still f*** him.

Jules:
You break my heart. Then again, you break everyone's heart.

Kirby:
I understand the fold, but what's fluff?

Kevin:
Fluff's what I write for the paper.

Billy:
It ain't a party till something gets broken.

Alec:
You ran out on this relationship, you take the consequences.

Leslie:
I didn't run out on anything. You ran out.

Alec:
You had sex with Kevin.

Leslie:
[shouting] You had sex with many!

Alec:
Nameless, faceless many.

Leslie:
I feel much better now. Thanks.

Kevin:
Well, you're all I think about.

Leslie:
Me?

Kevin:
And I think the reason I'm not interested in other women, and why I haven't had sex in so long, is because I'm desperately, completely in love with you.

Leslie:
I'm sorry to bother you here.

Alec:
Did you forget one of your albums?

Leslie:
It's Jules. After she left, for work this morning, some finance company came. They took away her furniture, her Jeep, everything. I tried to reach her but, I couldn't get through so, I went into her office. She's been pretending, to go to work every day, telling me she still, has an affair with her boss. Alec, he fired her three weeks ago. So, I confronted her, at first she denied everything and, she went crazy. She locked me out of the apartment, and she won't let me back in. Alec please, I need your help.

Rough Day on the right wing?

Judd Nelson

Kirby Keager:
[about Dale] She is the only evidence of God I have seen with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.

[Jules has locked herself in her bare apartment, in just a t-shirt, windows wide open with the wind blowing cold air in]

Alec:
Jules, what are you doing? You're gonna freeze to death.

Kevin:
I think that's the idea.

Kirby Keager:
Blowtorch, anyone?

Kevin Dolenz:
[repeated line] Love sucks.

Kevin Dolenz:
Never trust a woman who says she isn't angry.

Kevin Dolenz:
[to Leslie] Yeah, once. Junior high, I played bongos in this band and I fell in love with the lead singer. She sang "We've Only Just Begun" as sweet as Karen Carpenter. So, one night, I got high on this cheap malt liquor, and I pledged my love to her. And the next day she ran off with a bass player named Ringo. So, I turned in my bongos for a battered Underwood typewriter.

Kevin Dolenz:
[to Naomi] Well, for your information, I happen to be in love with someone, only they don't know it, okay?

Kevin Dolenz:
We won't even remember this tomorrow.

Kevin Dolenz:
Do not hand that man a blowtorch.

Billy Hicks:
Hey! Hey, take your hands off my wife.

Billy Hicks:
Join the club. You know, no one was buying this together-woman-of-the-eighties stuff anyway.

Wendy Beamish:
You wanna know what's great? Last night, I woke up in the middle of the night to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and you know, it was my kitchen, it was my refrigerator, it was my apartment...and it was the BEST peanut butter and jelly sandwich that I have had in my entire life.

Leslie Hunter:
[voiceover] I can't remember who met who first or who fell in love with who first. All I can remember is the seven of us always together.

Leslie Hunter:
It is tomorrow.

Leslie Hunter:
I'm not afraid to commit. I have to have something for myself first before I can share it with you.

Leslie Hunter:
I just wish everything could be like it used to be, all of us friends.

Julianna "Jules" Van Patten:
I'm just so tired, Billy. Never thought I'd be so tired at 22.

Julianna "Jules" Van Patten:
Come sit down and chillax.

Julianna "Jules" Van Patten:
[to Leslie] Leslie, did I tell you? I'm sorry. I went to see my boss. I thought I was getting fired. Instead, the man took me to dinner.

Julianna "Jules" Van Patten:
[about her stepmother] It turns out cremation costs just as much as the non-torching method. If I don't come up with a cheaper solution, I'm gonna end up a bag lady. Of course, I'll have alligator bags.

Julianna "Jules" Van Patten:
Who wants to suck back a few Bloody Marys at St. Elmo's, on me?