St. Trinian's

Miss Fritton:
Don't you think I make a remarkable queen?

Annabelle Fritton:
Daddy, you can't expect me to stay here. It's like Hogwarts for Pikeys!

Miss Dickinson:
With your girlish wiles and your minxy ways and now your criminal cunning, you know what you are?

Chelsea:
A washed up slapper.

Tania, Tara:
We've got double chemistry tommorrow, we'll work on the explosives then.

Flash Harry:
I wanted to talk to you about the problems with the last batch.

Tania, Tara:
Problems, Flash?

Flash Harry:
The slightly bitter aftertaste, the people going blind after the second glass, that lady wot died...

Tania:
She was old.

Tara:
She could have gone at any time.

Flash Harry:
She was thirty-eight.

Tania, Tara:
Yeah?

[answering a fruit-based quiz question]

Matron:
Papau.

Chelsea:
Um...

Matron:
Papau!

Chelsea:
Um...!

Quiz host:
I will have to hurry you, I'm afraid

Matron:
PAPAU! PAPAU!

Chelsea:
[tentatively] Is it... Pineapple?

Matron:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Quiz host:
That is Correct!

Matron:
[quietly] Oh.

Miss Fritton:
[quietly] Snooty cow.

[realising Ms Bagstock heard her]

Miss Fritton:
[shouting] Emily Snooty-Cow! DO remember to stretch! Good girl!

[confused looks from pitch]

Chelsea:
Oh my god! You want us to steal Scarlett Johansson?

Tania:
You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!

Carnaby Fritton:
Who are you?

Flash Harry:
[sputters for a second] Uh... German!

[loud fart echoes from the St. Trinians quiz team]

Chelsea:
I am so sorry... its a side effect of my raisin-and-ryvita diet!

[disgusted looks]

Quiz host:
Contrary to popular belief... better in than out.

Flash Harry:
What's this then? A sweet? A mini cigar? [sucks on the end]

Taylor:
They're tampons Flash.

[disgusted gagging noise as Flash spits it out]

Taylor:
Women don't just want to feel beautiful on the outside!

Emo Girl:
We're not goth, we're emo.

Tania:
[takes out a pack of Cigarettes]

Kelly:
Tania what are you doing? You're ten! And you're carrying high-explosives!

Tania:
It's not what you think Kel!

[puts Cigarettes up her nose]

Tara:
It's for the smell!

Tania, Tara:
We saw it on CSI!

Miss Fritton:
Ah, Ms Bagstock, your girlish laughter hit me like the lash of a hunting crop.

Bursar:
OK girls, let's play clean. No biting, no scratching... kicking, no gouging, no kickboxing, no punching, no slapping, no spitting... uh... no gouging! And no no-regulation equipment. James, this is with you! [James is using a knife to sharpen her hockey stick into a spear] OK, into position! [Bursar blows the whistle to start the game, and is immediately KO'ed with a stick blow]

Geoffrey Thwaites:
[Is discovered in one of the girls' rooms with his pants down] You wouldn't know the way to the hockey pitch, would you? [Cut to him being thrown out a window and landing in a fountain]

Kelly:
[the girls are trying to decide what to steal to save their school from foreclosure] What about that?

Kelly:
[Points at copy of "Girl With Pearl Earring"]

Chelsea, Chloe, Peaches:
[Gasp] Oh my God.

Chelsea:
You want to steal Scarlett Johansson?

Kelly:
You are so blonde, Chelsea.

Chelsea:
[the earpieces Chelsea, Chloe and Peaches are using to help cheat during the quiz show are suddenly shut off, causing them to generate feedback right into the girls' ears] That hurt worse than a Brazilian wax.

Kelly:
St. Trinian's is closing down. [all the girls start to cheer] We're facing the biggest crisis of our lives and you're behaving like bloody children. If this place closes down, we have to go to other schools. And by that I mean *normal* schools.

Quiz host:
In which Shakespeare play would you find the following stage directions "exit pursued by a bear"? [buzzer sounds] Yes. Chas, Bedales.

Bedales Pupil 1:
Was it Winnie the Pooh?

Quiz host:
[as one of the Bedale pupils walks up to him] What are you doing? What are you doing? Chas, get back. I'm being touched! Derek, I'm being touched! Derek, someone's touching me!