Standby

Cian:
[Alan has just rejected a woman for being unfamiliar with Lonnie Donegan] You know, somewhere the ghost of Lonnie Donegan is wondering why you have a dick and he doesn't.

Jimi:
Yeah, we're not doing gigs like this for the money, man.

Paul:
Your girlfriends know that?

Cian:
Here's the bottom line: no girl wants a basket of your dirty underwear on the first date. And if they do, it's only because their knickers are even scuzzier than yours and you do not want to go down that spiral my friend.

Alan:
[Alan has just met Beatrice's new boyfriend] Doesn't he work in the pharmacy?

Beatrice:
He gives me a discount on nicotine patches.

Beatrice:
[Discussing Alan's breakup] You f*cked it up?

Alan:
No why do you think it was me who f*cked it up?

Beatrice:
It's 50/50 but more than likely, it is you, no?

Beatrice:
[Alan has recently run into an ex] Maybe this is a second chance. It could be fate.

Alan:
You always say you don't believe in fate.

Beatrice:
Yes, because I have thought about it a lot. You? You definitely believe in this bullsh*t

Alice:
Hey, if you had a summer romance with someone like eight years ago and they wanted you to stay an extra night to catch up, would you do it?

Airline Woman:
And no funny business?

Alan:
No!

Airline Woman:
Like nothing?

Alan:
Well, I can.

Chris:
[Alan has introduced Alice to his friends] A fiver says he blows it.

Alice:
[the men are playing poker] Got room for another?

Paul:
Sure. But we only play for real money.

Alice:
That's a shame. I only have Euros.

Alice:
[At a pub] So is this all people do in Dublin?

Alan:
There's not that much to do in the evenings. Maybe in the summertime...

Alice:
There must be something.

Alan:
Play a few games of pool. Get a kebab?

Alice:
I thought you were a tourist adviser?

Alan:
We usually advise them to go somewhere else.

Jimi:
Look, we're your mates. We're going to support any decision you make here.

Cian:
But if you don't dick this girl, you're letting us all down.

Jimi:
And for the record, I disagree with using 'dick' as a verb, but I think the sentiment is about right.