Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

McCoy:
C'mon Spock, it's me, McCoy. You really have gone where no man's gone before. Can't you tell me what it felt like?

Chekov:
Admiral. We have found the nuclear wessel.

Kirk:
Well done, Team 2.

Chekov:
And Admiral... it is the Enterprise.

Kirk:
Understood.

Kirk:
Oh, him? He's harmless. Part of the free speech movement at Berkeley in the sixties. I think he did a little too much LDS.

Spock:
They like you very much, but they are not the hell "your" whales.

Dr. Gillian Taylor:
I suppose they told you that.

Spock:
The hell they did.

Scotty:
Computer. Computer?

Scotty:
Hello, computer.

Dr. Nichols:
Just use the keyboard.

Scotty:
Keyboard. How quaint.

Dr. Gillian Taylor:
Do you guys like Italian?

Kirk:
Yes.

Spock:
No.

Kirk:
Yes.

Spock:
No.

Kirk:
I love Italian,

Kirk:
And so do you.

Spock:
Yes.

Spock:
Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall we say, more colorful metaphors, "double dumb-ass on you" and so forth.

Kirk:
Oh, you mean the profanity?

Spock:
Yes.

Kirk:
Well that's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word.

Kirk:
Spock, where the hell's the power you promised?

Spock:
One damn minute, Admiral.

Kirk:
Everybody remember where we parked.

Kirk:
If we play our cards right, we may be able to find out when those whales are being released.

Spock:
How will playing cards help?

Dr. Gillian Taylor:
Don't tell me, you're from outer space.

Kirk:
No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space.

Kirk:
Out of the way...

McCoy:
My God man. Do you want an acute case on your hands? This woman has immediate post-parandial, upper-abdominal distention.

Kirk:
What did you say she has?

McCoy:
Cramps.

Kirk:
Hello, Alice. Welcome to Wonderland.

Chekov:
Excuse me I'm looking for the nuclear wessels

Chekov:
Nuclear wessels.

Kirk:
Well, a double dumb ass on you.

McCoy:
I mean, I may have carried your soul but I sure couldn't fill your shoes.

Spock:
My shoes?

McCoy:
Forget it.

Dr. Gillian Taylor:
Are you sure you won't change your mind?

Spock:
Is there something wrong with the one I have?

Scotty:
Admiral, there be whales here.

McCoy:
What's wrong with you?

Elderly patient:
I'm waiting for dialysis.

McCoy:
Dialysis? What is this, the Dark Ages?

McCoy:
My God, man. Drilling holes in his head isn't the answer.

Chekov:
My name?

Chekov:
I do not know your name.

Chekov:
I am? Can I go now?

Kirk:
He's gonna make it.

Kirk:
One little mistake...

Chekov:
Cloaking device available on all flight modes.

Kirk:
I'm impressed; that's a lot of work for a short journey.

Chekov:
We are in an enemy wessel. I did not wish to be shot down on our way to our own funeral.

Spock:
Are you sure it isn't time for a colorful metaphor?

Scotty:
He's in a wee bit of a snit, isn't he?

Spock:
He is a man of deep feelings.

Scotty:
Aye, what else is new.

McCoy:
You realize that by giving him the formula you're altering history.

Scotty:
Why? How do we know he didn't invent the thing?

Kirk:
You're not exactly catching us at our best.

Spock:
That much is certain.

Kirk:
This is good-bye?

Dr. Gillian Taylor:
Why does it have to be good-bye?

Kirk:
Well, like they say in your century, I don't even have your telephone number.

Chekov:
Don't Move.

Chekov:
I warn you, if you don't lie on the floor I will have to stun you.

Chekov:
I'm very sorry but...

Chekov:
...Heh... It must be the radiation...

Sulu:
...I'm counting on Excelsior.

Scotty:
Excelsior? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts?

Kirk:
A ship is a ship.

Scotty:
Whatever you say so... Thy will be done.

Kirk:
My friends... We've come home.

Dr. Gillian Taylor:
Don't tell me you don't use money in the 23rd Century.

Kirk:
Well we don't.

Klingon Ambassador:
There can be no peace as long as Kirk lives.

Gillian:
You're not from the military are you? Trying to teach whales to retrieve torpedoes or some dipshit stuff like that?

Kirk:
No, ma'am. No dipshit.

Gillian:
Well, good. If that was one thing I would have dropped you off right here.

Spock:
Gracie is pregnant.

Kirk:
They say the sea is cold, but the sea contains the hottest blood of all.

Gillian:
'Whales Weep Not'... D. H. Lawrence.

Kirk:
You're half human, Spock, don't you have any god damn feelings about that?

Klingon Ambassador:
Behold the quintessential devil in these matters: James T. Kirk, renegade and terrorist.

McCoy:
I don't know if you've got the whole picture, but he's not exactly working on all thrusters.

Chekov:
I am Pavel Chekov, a commander in Starfleet. United Federation of Planets Service Number 656-5827D.

Kirk:
This is an extremely primitive and paranoid culture.

Scotty:
Damage control is easy. Reading Klingon, that's hard.

Klingon Ambassador:
Vulcans are well-known as the intellectual puppets of the Federation.

Sulu:
San Francisco! I was born there!

Kirk:
May fortune favor the foolish.

Federation Council president:
Captain Spock, you do not stand accused.

Spock:
I stand with my shipmates. Their fate shall be mine.

Federation Council president:
So be it.

Mr. Spock:
Then, I will try to make the best 'guess' I can! (on predicting time travel control settings for the trip home carrying two tons of whales+seawater)

“Everybody remember where we parked”

Sarek:
Klingon justice is a unique point of view, Mr. President. Genesis was perfectly named-- the creation of life, not death. The Klingons shed the first blood while attempting to possess its secrets.

Klingon Ambassador:
Vulcans are well-known as the intellectual puppets of this Federation.

Sarek:
Your vessel did destroy U.S.S. Grissom. Your men did kill Kirk's son. Do you deny these events?

Klingon Ambassador:
[proudly] We deny nothing. We have the right to preserve our race.

Sarek:
You have the right to commit murder?

[Discussing the time warp maneuver]

Spock:
I've had to program some of the variables from memory.

James T. Kirk:
What are some of the variables?

Spock:
Availability of fuel components, mass of a vessel through a time continuum, and probable location of humpback whales, in this case, the Pacific Basin.

Leonard McCoy:
"Angels and ministers of grace, defend us."

Spock:
Hamlet, act I, scene IV.

James T. Kirk:
No doubt about your memory, Spock.

Spock:
Admiral, may I ask you a question?

James T. Kirk:
Spock, don't call me Admiral. You used to call me Jim. Don't you remember "Jim"? What's your question?

Spock:
Your use of language has altered since our arrival. It is currently laced with, shall I say, more colorful metaphors-- "Double dumb-ass on you" and so forth.

James T. Kirk:
You mean the profanity?

Spock:
Yes.

James T. Kirk:
That's simply the way they talk here. Nobody pays any attention to you unless you swear every other word. You'll find it in all the literature of the period.

Spock:
For example?

James T. Kirk:
[thinks] Oh, the complete works of Jacqueline Susann, the novels of Harold Robbins....

Spock:
Ah... The giants.

Pavel Chekov:
Admiral, we have found the nuclear wessel.

James T. Kirk:
Well done, team two.

Pavel Chekov:
And, Admiral... it is the Enterprise.

[Kirk and Spock look at each other]

James T. Kirk:
Understood. What's your plan?

Pavel Chekov:
We will beam in tonight, collect the photons, and beam out. No one will ever know we were there.

James T. Kirk:
Understood and approved. Keep me informed. Kirk out.

[Pavel Chekov is being interrogated]

Interrogator:
Ok, let's take it from the top.

Pavel Chekov:
The top of what?

Interrogator:
Name.

Chekov:
My name?

Interrogator:
[sarcastically] No, my name!

Chekov:
I do not know your name.

Interrogator:
You play games with me mister, and you're through!

Chekov:
I am? May I go now?

[Spock joins the other accused at the tribunal.]

Federation President:
Captain Spock, you do not stand accused.

Spock:
Mr. President, I stand with my shipmates.

Federation President:
As you wish. The charges and specifications are - conspiracy, assault on Federation officers, theft of Federation property, namely the starship Enterprise; sabotage of the USS Excelsior, willful destruction of Federation property, specifically the aforementioned USS Enterprise, and finally, disobeying direct orders of the Starfleet commander. Admiral Kirk, how do you plead?

Kirk:
On behalf of all of us Mr. President, I am authorized to plead guilty.

Federation President:
So entered. Because of certain mitigating circumstances, all charges but one are summarily dismissed. The remaining charge, disobeying orders of a superior officer, is directed solely at Admiral Kirk. I'm sure the admiral will recognize the necessity of keeping discipline in any chain of command?

Kirk:
I do, sir.

Federation President:
James T. Kirk, it is the judgment of this council that you be reduced in rank to captain. And that as a consequence of your new rank, you be given the duties for which you have demonstrated unswerving ability, the command of a starship. Captain Kirk, you and your crew have saved this planet from its own short-sightedness and we are forever in your debt.

Spock:
Father.

Sarek:
I am returning to Vulcan within the hour, I wanted to take my leave of you.

Spock:
It was most kind of you to make this effort.

Sarek:
It was no effort. You are my son. Besides, I'm most impressed with your performance during this crisis.

Spock:
Most kind.

Sarek:
As I recall, I opposed your enlistment in Starfleet... It is possible that judgment was incorrect. Your associates are people of good character.

Spock:
They are my friends.

Sarek:
Yes, of course. Do you have a message for your mother?

Spock:
Yes, tell her...I feel fine. Live long and prosper, Father.

Sarek:
Live long and prosper, my son.

[The crew is pondering what their ship will be.]

Leonard McCoy:
The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe. We'll get a freighter.

Hikaru Sulu:
With all respect, Doctor, I'm counting on Excelsior.

Montgomery Scott:
Excelsior? Why in God's name would you want that bucket of bolts?

James T. Kirk:
A ship is a ship.

Montgomery Scott:
Whatever you say, sir. Thy will be done.

[The new U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-A emerges.]

James T. Kirk:
My friends... we've come home.

"There be whales!

Leonard McCoy:
You think they could at least send us a ship. It's bad enough to be court-martialed and to have to spend the rest of our lives mining borite, but to have to go home in this Klingon flea trap!

James T. Kirk:
You could learn a thing or two from this flea trap, it's got a cloaking device that costs us a lot.

McCoy:
I just wish we could cloak out the stench.

[Pavel Chekov is being interrogated by an FBI agent]

FBI Agent:
"Commander Pavel Chekov, Starfleet, United Federation of Planets." Alright Commander, is there anything that you want to tell us?

Chekov:
Like what?

FBI Agent:
Like who you really are, and what you're doing here, and what these–these things are.

Chekov:
I am Pavel Chekov, a commander in Starfleet, United Federation of Planets. Service number 656-5827B.

FBI Agent:
Alright, let's take it from the top.

Chekov:
The top of what?

FBI Agent:
Name.

Chekov:
My name?

FBI Agent:
[sarcastically] No, my name!

Chekov:
I do not know your name!

FBI Agent:
You play games with me mister, and you're through!

Chekov:
I am? May I go now?

FBI Agent:
[leans over and whispers to a colleague] What do you think?

Agent:
He's a Russkie.

FBI Agent:
That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, of course he's a Russkie, but he's a retard or something.

Agent:
We better call Washington.

Chekov:
[rises from his chair, grabs the Klingon phaser from the table and points it at the agents] Don't move.

FBI Agent:
Okay, make nice: give us the ray gun.

Chekov:
I warn you: if you don't lie on the floor I will have to stun you.

FBI Agent:
Go ahead: stun me.

Chekov:
I'm very sorry, but— [tries to fire the phaser but it malfunctions; he looks at it and chuckles] Must be the radiation. [tosses the phaser to the FBI Agent, turns and runs away]

Miscellany:
The cast and crew of Star Trek wish to dedicate this film to the men and women of the spaceship Challenger whose courageous spirit shall live to the 23rd century and beyond...