Stay Tuned

Roy Knable:
Boy, this is strange!

Helen Knable:
Strange? I'm a cartoon mouse with high-heel sneakers. The word "strange" is somewhat lacking.

Roy Knable:
Where are you going to go, to your cartoon mother's house?

Roy Knable:
My doctor was right. Doughnuts will be the death of me.

Spike:
Wait a sec... you don't get it, do you? Without me, you don't get out of here.

Roy Knable:
Sorry, Spike, you're cancelled!

Helen Knable:
Dynamite. He's going to hit me with a train AND blow me up? ROY!

Roy Knable:
Yeah, how about the long version of 'Stairway to Heaven'?

Crowley:
Nice disguise. Interesting concept. Diagonal b*obs. Could you fix that thing?

Roy Knable:
Whoever left the gate open is grounded for a week.

Roy Knable:
Check that. Whoever left the gate open gets double their allowance.

Spike:
Ew, you're the ugliest b*tch in perdition - but you've given me a beautiful idea.

Helen Knable:
You sadistic bastard!

Spike:
Runs in the family! My father was an oil company president.

Spike:
Fasten your seat belts, folks. It's going to be a bumpy ride! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Spike:
Screw up in here, and you're dead meat... dead meat.

Darryl Knable:
Did you see that? That dish, it ate my BMX.

Helen Knable:
Let me get this straight. We've been sucked into some kind of TV world?

Roy Knable:
Are you saying that that salesman was...

Crowley:
Mr. Spike - Mephistopheles of the cathode ray, big brother to the ungrateful dead.

Helen Knable:
How can you even think of eating doughnuts at a time like this?

Roy Knable:
What should I do, look for some oat bran? I'm starved.

Roy Knable:
For a mouse, you, um, look pretty sexy.

Helen Knable:
Too bad you didn't like the way I looked when I was human.

Roy Knable:
I always did.

Helen Knable:
News to me.

Roy Knable:
This is one clever p*ssy.

Roy Knable:
This will put a permanent crease in his shorts.

Roy Knable:
You creeps!

Darryl Knable:
Wait. Mom and Dad are here.

Darryl Knable:
Well, not exactly.

Darryl Knable:
Look.

Helen Knable:
Where's my husband?

Roy Knable:
Hi, fellas, I loved you in Star Wars.

Helen Knable:
For what?

Spike:
Crowley. Quite a radical weight-loss plan you've been on.

Darryl Knable:
Dad, can you hear me?

Roy Knable:
Darryl? My God!

Helen Knable:
Yes! It's... God!

Helen Knable:
Roy, what do you do when you want the TV to go away? You turn it...

Crowley:
Oh, incidentally, Spike, nice of you to drop in. Ha ha ha ha... Ah... that's funny.

Roy Knable:
Who on earth taught you that?

Roy Knable:
Take my advice, kiddo. Don't watch too much TV. It can get you into trouble.

Jay:
...And, of course, win or lose, every contestant takes home a set of the Encyclopedia Satanica.

Crowley:
Looks like Spike's gonna make his quota after all. I'm sorry, Mrs. Knable.

Spike:
Finally, he's mine!

Helen:
(after being brought to the 1930's club) Where's my husband?

Murray Seidenbaum:
What are you worried about him for? I ditched my wife five channels ago. She happened to meet the business end of a fifty-ton reptile. And I can tell you, I don't exactly miss dried meat loaf. This is great here. Great. I don't ever want to get out. Outside, I was Murray the Doormat. In here, Boss Seidenbaum.

Crowley:
Nice disguise. Interesting concept. Diagonal b*obs. Can you fix that thing?

Roy:
I thought the wolves got you!

Crowley:
Oh yeah? Lemme tell you about wolves. Vicious? Extremely. Goes without saying. But not that bright. While those dumb bunnies were fighting over a couple of my appendages, I managed to escape.

Executioner:
[announcing the execution] By order of the court...

Crowley:
Looks like Spike's gonna make his quota after all. I'm sorry, Mrs. Knable.

Executioner:
I deliver the soul of the Marquis de Knable to it's rightful owner!

Spike:
[back at HQ] Finally, he's mine!

Helen:
[as a mouse] Couldn't be any worse, huh, Roy?

Roy:
Helen? Oh, my God! We're cartoons! Boy, this is strange.

Helen:
Strange? I'm an animated rodent wearing high-heeled running shoes. The word strange is somehow lacking! [hearing a door open, they run into the mouse hole]

Roy:
: At least we're safe here. Nobody ever dies in cartoons, right?

Spike:
[on HV One News] This just in... Helen Knable has been kidnapped and taken to Channel 1. We take you there live.

Helen:
[tied up to the dynamite wagon] Roy, I don't know where you are, but get your butt back here!

Spike:
Unfortunately, her gutless failure of a husband won't lift a finger to save her. Isn't that right, Roy?

Roy:
No!!

[After switching to another station while being pursued by Spike, Roy trips over a familiar looking couch in a familiar looking apartment. Two familiar looking women, one brunette and the other blonde with poni-tails, enter the apartment to the familiar theme of a familiar (and very popular) 70's TV show. They immediately mistake Roy for their roommate who (plausibly) lives with them (since they look exactly alike)]

Blond woman and brunette woman:
Where have you been?

Roy:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Spike:
[on the Star Trek-like show] Greetings, Captain Roy. Our remotes are synchronized. So wherever you go, I go. Enjoy the attack.

Helen:
[to Roy about being on TV] You wanted to live in a TV fantasy? Well, you got your wish.

Crowley:
[to Roy and Helen] We did it! We beat Spike! Oh, I would have given an arm and a leg to see this! In fact, I already did!

Pierce:
[after Spike is caught in the TV] I get his parking space.