Strange Things Happen at Sundown

Narrator:
Something strange happens when the sun goes down. It's like a calling to all vampires. There's something in those shadows that makes us come alive. The myth about burning up in daylight always seemed a bit silly to me. But I can see how it got started. We definitely are creatures of the night.

Jimmy Fangs:
He's the guy you call, when you got something, and you don't want to do it yourself. Like throw an old lady off a bridge. Or whack a seven year-old kid. You call the Reaper.

Jimmy Fangs:
I know a guy, who knows a guy, who said his father saw the Reapers face, once. All disfigured. One eye, he says he got.

Joey the Butcher:
Yeah, and I heard he got no skin on his face.'

Jimmy Fangs:
Well, I don't know about that.

Narrator:
Who are you?

The Reaper:
I'm the Reaper. And you?

Narrator:
I don't know. What do you want.

The Reaper:
I came to kill him. And you?

Narrator:
The same.

The Reaper:
Well, I guess he's pretty much f***ed, then.

June:
I used to have maids, and servants, and virgin girls every night of the week. Now I have to live in this shitty little house, in this shitty little town, only because you don't make enough money to afford one f***ing maid! So the least you could do is to help keep the house clean! Or so help me God, I will tear out your soul, you cocksucker!

Marcel:
I cant believe she shot me in the eye. Do you know how long it takes to re-grow an eye?

Amy:
No.

Marcel:
At least a week.

Amy:
You don't see anything wrong with what you just did?

Marcel:
No, I don't.

Amy:
Marcel, it was a baby. It never did anything to anyone, and you sucked it dry like a piece of fruit.

Marcel:
I had the decency to kill it before eating it. I'm not completely without compassion.

Amy:
I thought we had a hundred grand

Marcel:
We do. But it's gonna be a little hard to spend.

Amy:
Why?

Marcel:
It's all in thousand dollar bills.

Amy:
Oh, that's just great.

Marcel:
Don't sweat it. I know a guy upstate who can help us out. His name is Smooth and him and his wife do that sort of thing.

Amy:
Wait a minute. Your gonna trust your money to a guy named Smooth?

Marcel:
Come back to me. I miss you.

Amy:
That sh*t doesn't work anymore, Marcel. I found someone else.

Marcel:
Who?

Amy:
I found Christ.

Marcel:
Are you kidding me?

Amy:
No, I'm not kidding, Marcel. I found Christ, and I'm going to become a good person.

Marcel:
You're a f***ing vampire! What the f*** is the matter with you?

Joey the Butcher:
Listen to you, you lazy assed, one fang f***.

Nicky the Tooth:
Hey. Hey! Don't you make fun of my disability.

Joey the Butcher:
Disability?

Nicky the Tooth:
Yeah, disability.

Joey the Butcher:
Please. Your mothers ass with your disability. You're just too stupid to figure out how to make the other one come out.

Jimmy Fangs:
What's the matter with you?

Joey the Butcher:
What?

Jimmy Fangs:
Why don't you get her out of the bathroom, already.

Joey the Butcher:
And what am I gonna do. Get her a room at the Hilton?

Jimmy Fangs:
No, but you could put her in the spare room. You got her laying on the bathroom floor like a f***ing Puerto Rican.

Cynthia:
Mine was in the eighties.

Cynthia:
I was coming back from a concert. Poison, Trixter and Nelson at the Meadowlands. Bret Michaels was so hot. Anyway, i was trying to get backstage and the a**hole bouncer wouldn't let me back. I tried everything. I showed him my tits, offered to suck his dick. Nothing. So there I was in the parking lot, crying my eyes out, and guess who picks me up, right there. Took me back to his apartment. I thought I was getting laid. Instead, the f***er bit me.

Marcel:
(staring at the sleeping Annabelle) Christian chick, huh? I'll bet you she's one of those real cold b*tches who thinks sex is dirty. Yeah. this girl wouldn't know what to do with a dick if you slapped her in the head with it.

Narrator:
I said, do you remember me?

Marcel:
No, should I?

Narrator:
Yeah, you should. You killed my husband, remember?

Marcel:
I killed a lot of husbands.

Amy:
So let me get this straight. You could do whatever you want. Rape and rob and kill people. But, as long as you accept Christ as your savior, you get to go to heaven?

Amy:
So, if Adolph Hitler decided to become a born again Christian, he would go to heaven. Annabelle. That's right.

Amy:
What about Gandhi?

Amy:
He's Hindu. Where is he?

Amy:
Hey. What's your name?

Marcel:
Amy, don't talk to her.

Amy:
Why not?

Marcel:
Because we're only going to be eating her tomorrow.

Amy:
I just want to know what her name is.

Marcel:
Give me the gun.

Amy:
Why?

Marcel:
Just give it to me.

Marcel:
Listen, you f***ing c*nt. When she asks you a question, you answer it. Now tell her your name, or, so help me, I will blow a hole in your f***ing face.