Super Power Beat Down

Batman:
I'll take my science over your magic any day.

[Batman has disabled the electronics in Darth Vader's suit]

Batman:
Let's see how you breathe now.

Darth Vader:
The Force will sustain me long enough.

Batman:
Exactly - better focused on you than me.

Darth Vader:
Your theatrics will not help you.

[Batman unleashes a volley of missiles from his spacecraft]

Batman:
How's that for theatrics?

Darth Vader:
Your lack of faith is your downfall.

Deadpool:
You know, there are some perks to this job...

[Deadpool stares at Catwoman's heaving breasts as she struggles to free herself]

Deadpool:
...Ah, like those. And I really gotta say that I really appreciate you being...

Catwoman:
Hey, Red! My eyes are up here.

Deadpool:
Huh, ah, right. I'll get some pizza later. Look at those. *Magnificient*

Deadpool:
I think I should consult with my friend about what I should do with you next. Hey, Deathro...

[holding the dummy head of Deathro and speaking in an odd voice]

Deadpool:
I think we should spend some super sexy time with her and, uh, maybe cover her with whipped cream.

Deadpool:
[returns to normal voice] Hey, that's a great idea. Maybe after Bats gets here.

Catwoman:
Pervert.

Deadpool:
So, I need to capture this, like, forever!

Catwoman:
Don't touch me, freak.

Deadpool:
What do you think, kitty? How do I do that? A-ha! Technology!

[the POV shot from Deadpool's video camera zooms in on Catwoman's cleavage]

Deadpool:
Seriously, sweetheart, the camera loves you - and so do I!

[Catwoman hisses and tries to scratch Deadpool's eyes]

Deadpool:
Hey! Bad kitty! Watch it!

[Deadpool sprays Catwoman with a squirt bottle]

Deadpool:
I think Bats is going to get here to save you. That's the whole plan, anyway.

[the sound of a powerful car engine idles nearby]

Deadpool:
And right on cue!

Deadpool:
[looking at the Batmobile] Oh, snap! What is this? This has to be a pussywagon, isn't it?

[a small metal sphere ejected from the Batmobile rolls up to Deadpool's feet]

Deadpool:
Hey, was this supposed to fall off your car?

[green knockout gas from the ball envelopes Deadpool]

Deadpool:
Oh, sleepy time.

[to Catwoman, who is securely bound to a chair]

Batman:
You're running out of lives.

Deadpool:
Thanks for the nap, Bats. I really needed that, but, ah, let me clarify a couple of things for you before we move forward, because I don't know if you're aware, but, ah, I can't die! Bullets, bombs, none of it works. Let me show you.

[Deadpool shoots himself in the head]

Deadpool:
Ah, I'm all right; I'm all right. Just give me a second. Ta-da! Brand new.

[Batman rams one of Deadpool's swords completely through his body, then breaks his neck]

Batman:
You talk too much.

Deadpool:
No more Mr. Nice Assassin!

Deadpool:
World's greatest detective, my ass! Apparently, you just don't get it, Batman. You see, I... just... can't... die.

Batman:
I'm counting on it.

[Batman clicks a remote and two rocket launchers rise out of the Batmobile]

Deadpool:
Uh-oh.

[Batman turns to free Catwoman, but sees her twirling the handcuffs that had manacled her on her finger]

Catwoman:
Took you long enough.

[Catwoman strides past Batman, then quickly pivots and kisses him passionately]

Batman:
Women.

Gandalf:
[to Vader] One's greatest enemy is thyself. You have too many demons to possess the Ring.

Gandalf:
Force of Truth, show this Dark Lord his true nature.

[Gandalf's magic creates an illusion that makes Vader see Gandalf as Anakin Skywalker]

Anakin:
Your eyes do not deceive you.

Darth Vader:
You are a fool, wizard. Your sorcery does not compare to the power of the Dark Side.

Anakin:
That is irrelevant in this moment. The One Ring is more powerful than even you. To wield this power mean that you are willing to destroy any good that is left inside. Can you do that... Anakin?

Darth Vader:
I am Lord Vader... and I have come for the Ring.

Gandalf:
You shall not pass!

Deadpool:
Bangs a pa piu piu boom boom boom

Domino:
Deadpool...

Deadpool:
What? We're owned by Disney. It's fine.

[Harley gets the drop on Domino]

Harley Quinn:
Well, well, well. Looks like someone's luck ran out.

Domino:
I make my own luck

[Domino pulls the trigger on her machine pistol, but the gun jams]

[Deadpool checks the unconscious Domino's vital signs]

Deadpool:
Okay, pulse check, neck check, tummy check, boob check... She's alive! She's alive!

[grabbing a machine gun]

The Joker:
When you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself

Deadpool:
Hey, cutie! Time to die!

Harley Quinn:
Wait! Want to see a movie?

[Harley opens her blouse, revealing her ample cleavage]

[the Joker riddles Deadpool with bullets]

The Joker:
Merry Christmas, you filthy animal, and a Happy New Year!

Deadpool:
Whatever happened to Macauley Culkin anyway?

Deadpool:
Time for some cluck-fu!

[Deadpool pummels Harley with a rubber chicken]

[the Joker moves in for the kill]

Deadpool:
Wait! I just friended you on Facebook!

Casey Jones:
Welcome to Pain 101. Your instructor is Casey Jones.

[Kick-Ass bites Casey Jones on the arm]

Kick-Ass:
I hope you got your rabies shots you stupid, slimy son-of-a-b*tch.

Casey Jones:
The joke's on you - I already got rabies.

[Red Hood and Punisher point their pistols at each other]

Red Hood:
What are you going to do, shoot me? I'm not the one with his face and arms exposed... so if I was you, I'd put the gun down.

Punisher:
You're not me. You're just another hood.

Red Hood:
Pretty slow, old man.

[Punisher breaks Red Hood's hold and delivers several brutal punches to his adversary's face]

Punisher:
Is that fast enough for you, *boy*?

Vega:
Ryu wins! Does anyone else want to challenge Ryu? Anyone!

[a bolt of energy strikes the ground and from it the Green Ranger emerges]

Green Ranger:
I challenge Ryu.

Vega:
I'm too old for this.

Green Ranger:
Welcome to my nightmare.

Thor:
Are you the one they call 'Superman'? I am Thor of Asgard and it is customary where I come from for great warriors to battle.

Superman:
I don't want to fight you.

Thor:
That wasn't a choice!

[Superman's battle with Thor has reduced his supersuit to tatters]

Superman:
*My mother made his suit.*

Thor:
Mama's boy.

Thor:
Asgard one, Krypton zero!

Jason David Frank:
Being the Green Ranger, the White Ranger, Red and Black, let me tell you why the White Ranger is going to beat Scorpion. Reason #1: we draw all our powers from a cosmic energy force and I'm gonna tell you right now, the White Ranger is the most powerful ranger of all time. I could fight all day long. Our suits give us stamina, speed, strength and agility. Also, the White Ranger has one of the rangers' most powerful weapons: Saba, a sword that has energy projection, tactical intelligence and the ability to move of its own free will. Not to mention, the White Ranger has the White Tigerzord, but he's not gonna need that to defeat Scorpion, so I'm gonna talk about martial arts ability right now. I know Scorpion's a ninja, but here's what the White Ranger knows: seven different styles of mixed martial arts. I'm gonna tell you right now, from kicking from Tai Kwon Do to kicks to GKD. From punching from Wind Kung to Kung-Fu, the White Ranger knows it all. Seven different styles of mixed martial arts. Scorpion... c'mon, you were beat by a human, Johnny Cage. White Ranger don't get beat by humans. White Ranger's not gonna tap, so it's time for you to tap, Scorpion. Tap out!

Scorpion:
Where is he? *Where is he?*

[Girl in Distress babbles incoherently until The White Ranger materializes]

The White Ranger:
Let her go - I'm the one you want.

Scorpion:
Finally we meet.

The White Ranger:
It's time to finish this!

[Predator removes his helmet, revealing what he really looks like]

Wolverine:
I thought Beast was ugly.

Wolverine:
I need a beer.