Support Your Local Gunfighter

Jug:
You hit that fellow from behind?

Latigo:
Just as hard as I could!

Latigo:
This your office?

Doc Schultz:
I doctor pack mules, too. If you got a pain in the ass, you come see Doc Schultz.

Jug:
I'm supposed to pretend I'm Swifty Morgan? Goodbye!

Latigo:
They're willing to pay.

Jug:
How much?

Latigo:
One thousand dollars. We'll split it fifty-fifty. That means four hundred for you.

Jug:
That seems fair. But I think that...

Latigo:
No, no you don't. That's part of the deal. I do the thinking, you stand around and look tough.

Taylor Barton:
If I'd know you were going to send this pipsqueak against a man like Swifty Morgan...

Colorado:
Now look, Mr. Barton, I can't help it...

Taylor Barton:
Don't take offense, lad. But after all, you've never killed anybody outside of this county. You're just local stuff.

Jug:
You know, I may not have too much of a chance with Swifty Morgan. But suppose I down him?

Latigo:
Well, suppose you don't? And the odds are a thousand to one you won't. Well, you'll just end up an unknown character under a wooden cross on Boot Hill.

Jug:
Well, everybody winds up dead sooner or later.

Latigo:
Well, the smart ones try to postpone it as long as possible.

Bud Barton:
You couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a banjo!

Doc Schultz:
Patience, you got to stop shooting at people. You know something? If you wasn't such a terrible shot, there wouldn't be a young man alive in all of Purgatory. I heard you shot at Elmer Price in the lobby of the hotel yesterday evening.

Patience:
Well, he asked me to marry him!

Doc Schultz:
You think that's reason enough to shoot at a man?

Col. Ames:
We share the same ancestors as far back as Adam and Eve. I desire no closer relation than that.

Latigo:
Patience, there are some things a man just can't ride around... but then again, maybe he can.