Surgical Spirit

Neil Copeland:
I'm the only one who likes George. Everyone else thinks he's a tedious old buffer.

Jonathan Haslam:
Where were you thinking of for the honeymoon?

Sheila Sabatini:
[sarcastically] I was thinking Grimsby. There's something strangely romantic about people gutting fish.

[Joyce missed Sheila's TV appearance because of a meeting, and Joyce's husband couldn't find a spare video tape]

Joyce Watson:
All he could find was Sink the Bismark! I said tape over it, he said no...

Jonathan Haslam:
[interrupting] Well, he should have done - If he likes Sink the Bismark, he'd have loved Shelia on the box last night!

Jonathan Haslam:
[Watching Sheila storm past] She's seen the Independent!

Jonathan Haslam:
[Reading the Newspaper] Sheila Sabatini has the face of a Rottweiler and manners to match!

Jonathan Haslam:
A patient has just come in for a vasectomy and would like to know if we can manage it before he has another six kids?

Sheila Sabatini:
Giles, I hear you did a very good job in my absence.

Giles Peake:
[flattered] Thank you.

Sheila Sabatini:
Now I look forward to the day you do a good job in my presence.

Jonathan Haslam:
[Sheila follows Jonathan into the men's changing room as they are arguing] When you burst in here, don't you worry that you'll see naked men wandering about?

Sheila Sabatini:
Not unless I've had a large breakfast

Jonathan Haslam:
What do you get if you cross Jonathan Haslam with Sheila Sabatini? A rottweiler that apologises!

Joyce Watson:
[Joyce is suspicious when Sheila comes into work dressed in the same outfit she wore at hers and Jonathan's engagement party the previous night] Who do you know that goes to work in a cocktail dress and gold sandals?

Sheila Sabatini:
[drily] Nana Mouskouri.

Joyce Watson:
[to Giles] I've tried very hard to like you. Thank God I never managed it.

Sheila Sabatini:
Jonathan, do you love me?

Jonathan Haslam:
[casually] Yeah.

Sheila Sabatini:
I'm not asking you if you want a Wagon Wheel in your lunch box. It's a serious question!

George Hope-Wynne:
I trust you could furnish our guest with a pint?

Sheila Sabatini:
Of PG Tips, yes!

Joyce Watson:
Do I *look* like someone who's recently had cosmetic surgery?

Sheila Sabatini:
Yes. By Baron Von Frankenstein.