Susannah of the Mounties

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Listen, Sue, you and I are going to have a little talk. There never was anything to be afraid of that can't be cured by one little word. Do you know what that word is? Courage. It can beat the toughest situation that ever happened. You see, when you're afraid of things, the more you think of them, the bigger they get. But if you just throw your head back and say, 'I won't be scared of anything anymore,' then you're not.

Susannah Sheldon:
Aren't you ever afraid of anything?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Well, let's put it this way. Whenever I meet up with something I'm not quite sure of, I decide first thing that everything's going to be all right. Whatever it is, I'm going to lick it. And usually, it does come out all right.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
This is Miss Susannah Sheldon.

Susannah Sheldon:
Just call me Sue.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Now, young lady, we'll have to arrange sleeping quarters for you.

Pat O'Hannegan:
Where would that be, sir?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Your room.

Pat O'Hannegan:
What?

Susannah Sheldon:
Am I to sleep with him?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Oh, no. Pat can sleep out here on the couch.

Susannah Sheldon:
But I wouldn't want to take Mr. Pat's room.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Oh, that's all right. Pat'll be very comfortable, won't you, Pat?

Pat O'Hannegan:
Oh, yes, sir.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Pat, you old pirate! Why didn't you tell me to change uniforms? Why, she's a beauty!

Pat O'Hannegan:
Tell you? I did tell you!

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
You didn't tell me anything of the kind! That's just the kind of thing you should tell me! When did she get here? You didn't even tell me she was young!

Pat O'Hannegan:
Two days ago.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
And I had to be out on patrol. Why, she's beautiful. She's pretty as a picture! You didn't even tell me she had blue eyes! And deep blues eyes at that!

Vicky Standing:
Dad didn't think I should come, even for a visit.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
You must find it rather rugged.

Vicky Standing:
I've been wondering...

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
What?

Vicky Standing:
Well, whatever was it that made a man like you take a job like this?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
There are times when it's rather hum-drum, but right now you're here.

Vicky Standing:
And I'm going to change things. Inspector Montague, we're going to give a dance next Wednesday night. A real one. Dress uniform and frills.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
A dance?

Vicky Standing:
You do dance, don't you?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Well, I - yes, yes, of course.

Vicky Standing:
Splendid. Being the only woman in the vicinity, I'm bound to be popular.

Vicky Standing:
Anything serious, Dad?

Harlan Chambers:
Just a little Indian trouble at my camp.

Supt. Andrew Standing:
Nothing for you to worry about.

Harlan Chambers:
This is hardly the best time for you to have come out here, Vicky, but I can't tell you how glad I am to see you.

Vicky Standing:
Don't tell me I leave you speechless, Harlan.

Harlan Chambers:
You always did.

Susannah Sheldon:
What are you making?

Pat O'Hannegan:
Never you mind, now. Curiosity killed a cat, you know.

Susannah Sheldon:
You shouldn't be sewing. That's a woman's work.

Pat O'Hannegan:
Not in the army, doll. That's where I learned it.

Susannah Sheldon:
You men on the force should have wives to do things for you.

Pat O'Hannegan:
I pity the poor girl that would marry a man in this outfit.

Susannah Sheldon:
Why?

Pat O'Hannegan:
They're a no-good lot of heartbreakers, they are.

Susannah Sheldon:
Are you the chief Indian?

Chief Big Eagle:
Me Big Eagle.

Susannah Sheldon:
Well, I certainly hope Mr. Standing makes you Indians behave this time! And if you got what you deserve, he'd send you all to jail! That's where you belong for what you've been doing! What gives you the right to ...

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Here, here, Sue. You'll have to forgive her, Big Eagle. This little girl was the only survivor of the wagon train.

Chief Big Eagle:
Golden Hawk, little spirit of the sun, Big Eagle sorry you have trouble. Will not happen again.

Susannah Sheldon:
I don't see why you want to fight the white people anyway. They haven't done anything to hurt you.

Susannah Sheldon:
You're a wonderful rider.

Little Chief:
Squaw ride?

Susannah Sheldon:
Well, I ...

Little Chief:
Unh.

Susannah Sheldon:
Oh, you think I'm afraid, do you? Come on, help me on. Well, aren't you going to help me?

Little Chief:
Brave never help squaw.

Susannah Sheldon:
You're not very polite, are you?

Little Chief:
Unh.

Susannah Sheldon:
Mr. Monty says I'm much more grown-up than you are and I should try to understand you. So, we'll smoke the pipe of peace.

Little Chief:
What? Squaw smoke?

Susannah Sheldon:
Well, I never have, but we're going to make a peace treaty, and you have to smoke on that, don't you?

Little Chief:
Unh.

Susannah Sheldon:
I guess that means yes.

Little Chief:
Unh.

Susannah Sheldon:
Why don't you say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no?

Susannah Sheldon:
You look very nice.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Thank you, Sue.

Susannah Sheldon:
How do you think I look?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
You look very nice, too. Where did you get that dress?

Susannah Sheldon:
Mr. Pat bought it for me.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Well, well, good for Pat.

Pat O'Hannegan:
Thank you, sir.

Susannah Sheldon:
It'd be a nice dress to go to a party in.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
You'd be the belle of the ball.

Susannah Sheldon:
If I was invited to a party.

Pat O'Hannegan:
What are you doing? Give me that!

Susannah Sheldon:
But it's only a piece of old buffalo skin I've been using to polish Mr. Monty's boots.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Why, Sue, that's Mr. Pat's pride and joy. It's his toupee!

Susannah Sheldon:
Toupee?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Sure. Show her, Pat.

Pat O'Hannegan:
Yes, sir.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
No, no, no, put it on.

Susannah Sheldon:
Oh, it's your hair! I'm awfully sorry! I didn't know! You look so handsome you'd think you'd want to wear it all the time.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Oh, yes, he's a real lady-killer with that on.

Susannah Sheldon:
[singing] I'll teach you to waltz!

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
This is the music I learned to waltz to. I can remember it just as if it had been tonight.

Little Chief:
Why squaw not asleep?

Susannah Sheldon:
I guess if everyone else can stay up dancing, I can stay up and watch them.

Little Chief:
Redcoat make her his squaw?

Susannah Sheldon:
He will not!

Little Chief:
Funny he dance like that and not make her his squaw.

Susannah Sheldon:
He's only doing that to be nice to her.

Little Chief:
Indian dance better. Use feathers.

Susannah Sheldon:
Ooh, let me try it on!

Little Chief:
No! Only brave wear feathers!

Susannah Sheldon:
Well, I've got one, anyway. Where did you get all these things?

Little Chief:
Warrior bring. Bring teepee, too. Little Chief no sleep white man's house.

Susannah Sheldon:
You could sleep anywhere, if you were tired enough.

Little Chief:
Unh.

Vicky Standing:
With all this attention, I'm beginning to appreciate the advantages of being a pioneer woman.

Harlan Chambers:
It's fun while it lasts, Vicky, but you won't like it once the going gets rough.

Harlan Chambers:
I'd like you to be there when I went home for the holidays.

Vicky Standing:
Well, Harlan, I may have other plans. I might decide to become a pioneer woman at that. Don't you think I could, Inspector Montague?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Do what?

Vicky Standing:
Don't you think I could become a pioneer woman?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
I'm sure you could, if you put your mind to it.

Vicky Standing:
Well, Harlan, that's one vote for me.

Vicky Standing:
Maybe someday you'll teach me an Indian dance.

Little Chief:
Unh.

Susannah Sheldon:
Isn't he rude? These Indians certainly are a problem.

Vicky Standing:
You don't seem to have much trouble handling Little Chief.

Susannah Sheldon:
It took time for me to understand him, though, but it was worth it.

Vicky Standing:
Really?

Susannah Sheldon:
Yes, because I expect to be here for a long time. But it wouldn't be worthwhile for you to go to all that trouble, because you're going home soon.

Vicky Standing:
Am I?

Susannah Sheldon:
Aren't you? Mr. Pat said you were, and I expect you wouldn't like it out here anyway, because it's full of ...

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Sue, that's enough. Goodnight, now.

Susannah Sheldon:
Goodnight.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
You'll have to forgive her, Vicky. She's a somewhat strange child.

Susannah Sheldon:
He's in love with her!

Pat O'Hannegan:
Aye, me doll, 'tis one of the delightful misfortunes that overtakes the male of the species. 'Tis me that knows.

Susannah Sheldon:
I wish she'd go back where she came from!

Pat O'Hannegan:
Oh, you're jealous, you are.

Susannah Sheldon:
I am not! But she couldn't take care of him the way we do! I'll bet she couldn't even make his bed! And you're not doing it right, either!

Pat O'Hannegan:
Oh, I'm not, ain't I?

Susannah Sheldon:
You haven't the covers up close enough for around his neck. And you should unfold his nightshirt and have it all laid out for him.

Pat O'Hannegan:
What are you trying to do, spoil him? Here, give me that!

Susannah Sheldon:
Oh, Mr. Pat, and I taught him how to dance with her!

Harlan Chambers:
Looks to me as if Big Eagle is showing his defiance. He knows the dispensing of justice belongs to the mounted police.

Supt. Andrew Standing:
I'll bring it up when he comes to sign the peace treaty.

Harlan Chambers:
If it's ever signed.

Supt. Andrew Standing:
Chambers, if I should decide to send Vicky home, could you do anything for me in way of transportation?

Harlan Chambers:
Why, I certainly could, sir.

Susannah Sheldon:
Oh, Mr. Monty, I'm so glad you're back. I've been so worried.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
You shouldn't be up this late, Sue.

Susannah Sheldon:
But I had to tell you. Little Chief says the Indians are going to kill all the white men and redcoats, because of what happened at the railroad camp.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Railroad camp?

Supt. Andrew Standing:
What happened, Sue?

Susannah Sheldon:
The Indians tried to sell Mr. Chambers his own horses back, and Mr. Chambers got so mad, because the Indians were trying to cheat him, he said he was going to bring soldiers out to make them behave. The Indians didn't like that, and when they tried to leave, the woodmen pulled them off their horses and started hitting them!

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
I've been trying to reach Big Eagle and tell him he has nothing to fear from Chambers's threats.

Supt. Andrew Standing:
I'm afraid it's too late for talk now.

Vicky Standing:
What is it, Father? Trouble?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Yes, plenty, and our friend Chambers started it.

Little Chief:
Now squaw put out finger.

Susannah Sheldon:
And let you cut it? I will not!

Little Chief:
Squaw afraid?

Susannah Sheldon:
No! Oh, you did cut it! It's bleeding!

Little Chief:
Now put together. Make Golden Hawk and Little Chief blood brothers.

Susannah Sheldon:
You mean this will make me an Indian?

Little Chief:
Unh. Indian now.

Susannah Sheldon:
Oh, is my face turning red?

Little Chief:
No, stay paleface.

Susannah Sheldon:
I'm glad of that.

Susannah Sheldon:
Here some more ammunition, Mr. Pat.

Pat O'Hannegan:
Thank you, doll. Now get down, get down. No, get behind me.

Susannah Sheldon:
Oh, Mr. Pat, I've looked everywhere, and no one seems to know what's become of Mr. Monty.

Pat O'Hannegan:
Never you mind, now. You've had no rest all night. Sit down, and as soon as I've finished this, I'll get you a bit of breakfast.

Susannah Sheldon:
Oh, I couldn't eat! I better keep looking!

Susannah Sheldon:
Are you all right, sir?

Sgt. McGregor:
Aye, lassie, it's just a wee nip of me hand.

Susannah Sheldon:
Have you seen Mr. Monty?

Sgt. McGregor:
Well, I can't say that I have.

Susannah Sheldon:
He isn't in the hospital with the wounded men, and he isn't around the garden or the stables. I've looked everywhere!

Sgt. McGregor:
Oh, dinna worry your head, lassie. Mr. Monty can take care of himself under any circumstances.

Randall:
I was taken prisoner while on patrol, sir, and held up in Big Eagle's camp. Just before dawn this morning, Inspector Montague was brought in. I was released to give you a message.

Supt. Andrew Standing:
Go on.

Randall:
Big Eagle demands that the railroad leave his territory within the next two days, or Inspector Montague will not be released and the hostilities will be reopened.

Vicky Standing:
What are you going to do, Father? You must send some word.

Supt. Andrew Standing:
There's only one answer to such a demand. Refusal.

Little Chief:
Iron horse not go away, you die.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
The iron horse won't go away, Little Chief, not for me or anyone else.

Little Chief:
Chief Redcoat big fool. All white men die.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
If they do, many more will come, and that will be bad medicine for the Indians.

Little Chief:
Big talk. Indians kill them, too. I get cold water for sick head.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Thanks. That would be a help.

Little Chief:
Do it for Golden Hawk. She friend. Too bad you die. Make her feel sorry.

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
Sue!

Susannah Sheldon:
Oh, Mr. Monty, have they hurt you?

Inspector Angus 'Monty' Montague:
I'm all right. How did you get here?

Susannah Sheldon:
I came to see Mr. Big Eagle. Mr. Standing sent to another post for help, but they can't get here in time, so after dark tonight, he's coming with some men to try to rescue you.

Susannah Sheldon:
Oh, Mr. Monty, if they try to do anything to you, they'll have to kill me, too!