Sword in the Stone

Madame Mim:
Sounds like someone's sick. How lovely.

Merlin:
Why, they might even make a motion picture about you.

Arthur:
Motion picture?

Merlin:
Oh. Well, that's something like television... without commercials.

Merlin:
Blow me to Bermuda!

Arthur:
Where... Where did he go?

Archimedes the Owl:
To Bermuda, I suppose.

Arthur:
Where's that?

Archimedes the Owl:
Oh, an island way off somewhere that hasn't been discovered yet.

Madame Mim:
Now, first of all, if you don't mind, I'll make the rules.

Archimedes the Owl:
Rules, indeed. Why, she only wants rules so she can break 'em.

Madame Mim:
I'll take care of you later, featherbrain.

Madame Mim:
Rule One: No mineral or vegetable, only animal. Rule Two: No make-believe things like, ooh, pink dragons and stuff. Now, Rule Three: No disappearing.

Merlin:
Rule Four: No cheating.

Merlin:
Now Mi-Mim, n-no dragons, remember?

Madame Mim:
Did I say no purple dragons? Did I?

Archimedes the Owl:
Oh, Man will fly all right. Just like a rock.

Archimedes the Owl:
Pinfeathers and...

Archimedes the Owl:
...golly fluff!

Narrator:
And below the hilt, in letters of gold: "Whoso pulleth out this sword from this stone and anvil is rightwise king, born of England." Though many tried for the sword with all thier strength, none could move the sword. So the miricle had not worked. And in time, the marvelous sword was forgotten. This was a Dark Age, without law, and without order. The strong preyed upon the weak.

Arthur:
Oh, Merlin! You're back from Ber... Ber...

Merlin:
Bermuda? Yes, back from Bermuda and the 20th century. And believe me, you can have it. One big modern mess!

Madame Mim:
Say, lad, did you know that I can make myself uglier yet?

Arthur:
That would be some trick - I mean...

Madame Mim:
Wanna bet?

Madame Mim:
Boo!

Arthur:
Oh!

Madame Mim:
You see? I win, I win! Aren't I hideous, boy? Perfectly revolting?

Merlin:
Don't take gravity too lightly or it'll catch up with you.

Arthur:
What's gravity?

Merlin:
Gravity is what causes you to fall.

Arthur:
Oh, like a stumble or a trip?

Merlin:
Yes, it's like a stumble or a- No, no, no, it's the force that pulls you downward, the phenomenon that any two material particles or bodies, if free to move, will be accelerated toward each other.

Merlin:
There, you see? I'm an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man!

Archimedes the Owl:
If the boy goes about saying the world is round, they'll take him for a lunatic.

Arthur:
The world is round?

Merlin:
Yes. Yes, that's right, and it also goes a-round.

Arthur:
You mean it'll be round someday.

Merlin:
No, no, no, it's round now. Man will discover this in centuries to come. And he will also find that the world is merely a tiny speck in the universe.

Arthur:
Universe?

Archimedes the Owl:
You're only confusing the boy. Before you're through, he'll be so mixed up, he'll... he'll be wearing his shoes on his head!

Arthur:
But I'm supposed to do it.

Merlin:
No one will know the difference, son. Who cares as long as the work gets done?

Arthur:
I'm in an awful pickle. I'm king!

Archimedes the Owl:
He pulled the sword from the stone.

Merlin:
Ha ha! Of course, of course. King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table.

Arthur:
Round table?

Merlin:
Oh, would you rather have a square one?

Arthur:
Oh, no. Round will be fine.