Terror by Night

Sherlock Holmes:
The young lady is taking her mother to Scotland for burial.

Inspector Lestrade:
In a coffin?

Sherlock Holmes:
That is the customary method, I believe.

[Sherlock watches from the train corridor as Prof. Kilbane throws Dr. Watson from his compartment]

Sherlock Holmes:
Did you discover anything, Watson?

Dr. John H. Watson:
Yes. He's a very suspicious character. He tried to put me off the scent.

Sherlock Holmes:
From the little I heard, he seemed reasonably successful.

Lady Margaret Carstairs:
I shall report you both to Scotland Yard.

Inspector Lestrade:
...But I *am* Scotland Yard.

Lady Margaret Carstairs:
[presenting her diamond] My husband gave it to me on our fifth wedding anniversary.

Sherlock Holmes:
423 carats, isn't it?

Lady Margaret Carstairs:
The original diamond was over 700 carats.

Sherlock Holmes:
Really?

Lady Margaret Carstairs:
[to her son] Your father had it cut. Less ostentatious.

Dr. John H. Watson:
Less ostentatious? It's as big as a duck's egg.

Dr. John H. Watson:
Try some of this curry. It's excellent.

Sherlock Holmes:
[ignoring him and speaking to the waiter] Steak and kidney pudding, please.

Major Duncan-Bleek:
Of course, the Bengal curry doesn't compare with that of Madras. It's the quality of the mutton that makes the difference, don't you think?

Dr. John H. Watson:
The, uh... the meat's unimportant. It's the spices that make the difference. Don't you agree with me Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes:
[he hasn't been paying attention to the discussion] What?

Dr. John H. Watson:
I say, we-we-we were discussing curry.

Sherlock Holmes:
Oh, yes, curry! Horrible stuff!

Dr. John H. Watson:
Oh, really? One man's meat is another man's poison.

Sherlock Holmes:
Thank you, Lady Margaret. We'll be as unobtrusive as possible.

Lady Margaret Carstairs:
That would be a novelty from a policeman.

Dr. John H. Watson:
My name's Watson - Dr. Watson.

Prof. William Kilbane:
Oh? To what am I indebted for this intrusion?

[At Sherlock's suggestion, Watson interrogates a suspect on his own, but the suspect is suspicious of Watson's official standing and turns the inquiry around]

Prof. William Kilbane:
Are you a policeman?

Dr. John H. Watson:
No.

Prof. William Kilbane:
Then, by what right, do you force your way into my compartment?

Dr. John H. Watson:
Well, I...

Prof. William Kilbane:
What are YOU doing on this train? Where are YOU going?

Dr. John H. Watson:
I'm not going anywhere.

Prof. William Kilbane:
You come pounding on this door again and I'll have the law on you.

Inspector Lestrade:
I am the law.

Prof. William Kilbane:
Then stop barging in and out of my room like a chambermaid.

Sherlock Holmes:
The Inspector's going to Scotland to fish for salmon!

Dr. John H. Watson:
[to Lestrade] Oh really? The season doesn't start for another month, but you wouldn't know that, would you?

Inspector Lestrade:
'Oo says I'm gonna fish fer salmon?

Dr. John H. Watson:
'Oo? 'Im!