Texas Across the River

Sam Hollis:
Baldy's grave is down by the corral. The jury dug it before the trial started.

[repeated line]

Capt. Rodney Stimpson:
A-roar haarrh!

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
This is night. Are you going to sleep?

Sam Hollis:
Well, it ain't healthy to travel through Comanche territory in the daytime, so we'll travel at night.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
Oh, when we ride, the savage sleeps. Yes?

Sam Hollis:
Yep. Them Comanches believe the moon is an evil spirit.

Sam Hollis:
Why you dumb, fool tenderfoot! Are you trying to take on that whole tribe single-handed?

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
When one is alone, one must become an army.

Lonetta:
Have you no wish to live?

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
I wish to live, but what is life without honor?

Lonetta:
What is honor without life?

Phoebe Ann Naylor:
I don't want to be a widow before I am a bride.

Lonetta:
A man looks at many things, but sometimes he does not see what is under his eyes.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
That is true, Lonetta. I myself have known such men.

Lonetta:
A campfire gives flame, smoke. This you see.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
Of course.

Lonetta:
A fire inside gives no flmae, no smoke, but it burns as hot.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
A fire inside?

Lonetta:
In me there is such a fire. You do not see it, but it burns for you.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
Ten paces.

Sam Hollis:
Ten paces?

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
Why, that is customary. Do you wish to give the command to begin or shall I?

Sam Hollis:
I don't know what you got in mind, Baldy, but I'm here for a shootout.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
Precisely. You take ten steps that way; I take ten steps this way. Then we turn...

Sam Hollis:
Turn? Step? I ain't here for no square dance! Now which end of town do you want to come from?

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
You stand so; I stand so. And then...

Sam Hollis:
Back to back? Now what kind of shootout is that?

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
Please Sam Hollis. I have dueled many times in Spain and I'm...

Sam Hollis:
But this isn't Spain - it's Texas!

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
Even a simple duel you cannot perform in a civilized manner!

Sam Hollis:
We have had civilized killings around here for years. I come from one end of town like this and you come from the other end... and you get the itch, you draw.

[Sam and Baldy's "duel" ends when both men come face-to-face without drawing]

Sam Hollis:
Well, what are you waiting for?

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
For you to start... itching.

[first lines]

Capt. Rodney Stimpson:
Take it easy, Yancy. You got a wedding to go to.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
Where in Texas? How will you find me?

Phoebe Ann Naylor:
I'll find you. Texas isn't even a state - how big can it be?

[the turkey shoot boss expresses doubts about Baldy's shooting ability]

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
Miss? I am a Baldazar!

Turkey Shoot boss:
Well, I'm a Baptist myself, but that never improved my aim none.

Phoebe Ann Naylor:
Well, it's plain to see you're no gentleman!

[admiring Phoebe Ann's figure barely concealed by a wet blanket]

Sam Hollis:
Well, it's plain to see you're not one, either.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
Is it possible there is more than one Texas?

Si Morton:
Friend, if there was more than one, there wouldn't be room for nothin' else!

Kronk:
White man speak with forked tongue.

Lonetta:
We do it.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
How?

Lonetta:
Fire and water. With fire, we drive longhorns from herd... three days, three nights we keep them from water. On fourth day, we let them drink.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
On the fourth day, they'll be dead.

Lonetta:
No! Will be tame. This is secret Comanche know.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
I hope it is secret the longhorns also know.

[during an Indian attack, the settlers run out of ammunition]

Kronk:
Gun empty.

Sam Hollis:
Yell, "Bang-bang."

Kronk:
For Comanche need bullets, not jokes.

Capt. Rodney Stimpson:
Finish digging that grave, Sergeant.

Lt. Sibley:
Sergeant? But Rodney...

Capt. Rodney Stimpson:
What was that, Corporal?

[last lines]

[an oil gusher erupts from the grave Lt. Sibley was digging]

Kronk:
Every time dig hole, black poison shoot up! Now have to move town.

Don Andrea Baldazar aka Baldy:
[disgusted] Texas. Pah!

Sam Hollis:
Eh, if it was up to me, I'd give it back to the Indians.

Iron Jacket:
Who wants it?

[Baldy attempts to rescue an Indian girl from a rattlesnake wielding medicine man]

Sam Hollis:
He either likes girls or he's crazy about snakes.

Turkey Shoot boss:
A-roar haarrh!

Sam Hollis:
Why couldn't you have been born a Comanche?

Kronk:
Mother run too fast.

Kronk:
Comanche run for hills. [Looks at Sam Hollis] Why you look so funny?

Sam Hollis:
[In Kornk's language] Too mah kunoh tee hee sooti kaygoh-honi. And one laugh outta you and I'll boot you so hard your whole tribe'll fall down.