That '80s Show

R.T. Howard:
[referring to Tuesday's hair] Wow, how do you get it to stand up?

June Tuesday:
How do *you* get it to stand up?

Corey Howard:
Heads up! Punk rock rooster at twelve o'clock!

June Tuesday:
Did you just make some stupid, middle-class comment about my hair?

Corey Howard:
No.

June Tuesday:
Oh. Well, what do you ask for? The Blue Lagoon?

Corey Howard:
Well, what do you ask for? The Stegosaurus?

June Tuesday:
Ow! I'm so not going to the prom with you.

[Corey is shaving, Katie walks in]

Katie Howard:
I'll take that! [Katie takes Corey's razor]

Corey Howard:
What are you doing?

Katie Howard:
I'm throwing it out because it's plastic, and non-biodegradable.

Corey Howard:
Well, [Corey holds up Katie's razor] why aren't you throwing out your razor?

Katie Howard:
Because I'm an environmentalist. [Katie takes her razor] I'm just not ready to be a *hairy* environmentalist.

[Roger walks in]

Roger:
Katie, have you got a couple minutes?

Katie Howard:
Yes.

Roger:
Do you consider yourself to be someone who -- knows a good value?

Katie Howard:
Yes.

Roger:
And if you could save some money, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Katie Howard:
Why, yes.

Roger:
And if I said you could be driving a brand new car with no money down, you'd be interested, right?

Katie Howard:
Yes.

Roger:
Congratulations! You just bought a brand new car!

Katie Howard:
I see what you did! That was very convincing.

Roger:
Thank you.

[Roger begins to exit]

Katie Howard:
What colour is it? What colour is my brand new car?

Roger:
Doesn't matter, it's a done deal.

Katie Howard:
It is not! I wanna see the manager!

Roger:
Damn, I get that all the time!

Katie Howard:
Hello! Do you think I could put one of these up? [Katie holds up a poster]

June Tuesday:
Let me guess... A Cindy Lauper look-a-like contest? I think you've got a lock on it!

Katie Howard:
Uh, that's so mean! You must be Tuesday! I'm Katie, Corey's sister.

[Corey walks up]

Corey Howard:
Oh, Earthday '84... Wow! It's early this year. - Still signing my checks Earthday '83. [Corey laughs at his own joke]

[Tuesday sarcastically laughs]

June Tuesday:
That was funny... To no one!

Corey Howard:
Wait a minute, you thought I was funny this morning when we were making fun of the yuppies.

June Tuesday:
That was then... This is now.

[Tuesday exits]

Katie Howard:
I think she likes you!

Sophia:
You know, Corey, if we were still dating, I could get any of your songs played at this club.

Sophia:
Oh, yeah, if we were still dating. Except, as I recall, you broke up with me and started dating my sister.

Corey Howard:
We're not dating! It's more like harassment!

Corey Howard:
Ugh! What's that smell?

R.T. Howard:
That smell is my little entrepreneur.

Katie Howard:
I'm making scented candles.

Corey Howard:
They smell like death!

Katie Howard:
Death? Or pina colada?

Corey Howard:
Death!

Permanent Record customer:
Where can I find Duran Duran?

Margaret:
K-Mart!

[Corey and Tuesday argue about coffee or something]

Corey Howard:
Whatever Spikey Maggoo!

Margaret:
Spikey Maggoo? Where'd you get that one from? Your Dad?

Corey Howard:
[remains silent]

Margaret:
Oh, my God, you did!

June Tuesday:
So, why don't you tell your brother that's why I don't like hangin' out in his perfect little world. How's a person supposed to sleep when people aren't screaming at each other?

Katie Howard:
Well, you should've been around when my parents were still together. They fought constantly. My mother's a control freak and my dad screws around.

Patty:
Yeah, I think I slept with him.

Katie Howard:
Did you and Corey have a fight?

June Tuesday:
No, I just - I can't sleep. This house is so... quiet. You know, I'd - I'd love to hear just one little siren, or - or maybe a gunshot.

Margaret:
Are you willing to blow this relationship because you want to make a stand about where you sleep?

June Tuesday:
Maybe.

Margaret:
Mmm-hmm. Trust me, you will be rewarded by the universe for your efforts as your souls merge into a brilliant cornucopia of light... I'm startin' to wonder if that was really an aspirin Zeke gave me.

Katie Howard:
It's a fondue set! "Congratulations on your recent... nuptials." Did I get married?

Owen:
Uh, well, some of the guys on the ship might think you did.

Katie Howard:
Why would they think that?

Owen:
'Cause that's what I told them.

R.T. Howard:
[talking about Patty] So, uh, that was Roger's girlfriend, huh?

Corey Howard:
Yeah.

R.T. Howard:
Yeah. Yeah, good for him... I think I had her.

Corey Howard:
What?

R.T. Howard:
Yeah, it was a few years ago on St. Patrick's Day. I was bombed on green beer, and she was as cute as a damn leprechaun.

Roger:
Have either of you seen Patty?

Corey Howard, Owen:
No.

Corey Howard:
Have you seen Tuesday?

Roger, Owen:
No.

Owen:
What about Katie?

Roger, Corey Howard:
No.

Owen:
Oh, my God. They've evacuated the women.

Roger:
I gotta tell ya, I'm sort of enjoying this break from Patty. I'm not just on this planet to service her. I've got ideas to share and wisdom to impart.

Owen:
What should I do about Katie?

Roger:
I don't know, man, I got my own problems!

Corey Howard:
What am I supposed to do, huh? Live in a dump and drink out of bug candles the rest of my life? You know what I ought to tell her tomorrow at work? Done. Forget it. It's over. Because if she rejects my family, she rejects me.

Roger:
What is this, Godfather III?

Margaret:
Corey, go out back and spot Zeke on the ladder. I need you to keep an eye on him. Sometimes he thinks he can fly.

June Tuesday:
So, what, you want me to stay at your house with you and your family?

Corey Howard:
Well, we don't all sleep in the same room, you know. Come on, it'll be fun. We have doors.

Katie Howard:
Have a cupcake. I made them with my new muffin pans. They were a wedding present we received from the ship's chaplain.

Owen:
Oh, Father Chip. That's so nice.

Katie Howard:
Owen, you lied to a man of the cloth! We are not married!

Owen:
And whose fault is that?