The 51st State

Felix:
Oh, bollocks!

Elmo:
Dog's bollocks?

Felix:
No, just plain f***ing bollocks!

Elmo:
No dog involved?

Elmo:
[explaining his new drug to Durant] MDMA utilizes Serotonin. Opiates, like heroin, utilize dopamine. Sort of like the same sensation you get after sex. Amphetamines increase adrenaline. And cocaine gets those synapses in the brains firing really fast. My product is 51 times stronger than cocaine, 51 times more hallucinogenic than acid, and 51 times more explosive than ecstasy. It's like getting a personal visit... from God!

Durant:
It's that good?

The Lizard:
I want McElroy kept alive.

Dakota:
I don't do alive, I do dead.

Elmo:
Look, if I wanted cuisine, I'd have gone to Paris, all right?

Felix:
You can still go to France, mate, it's not too far, it's full of pricks and they hate f***ing yanks as well!

[as the nightclub gets raided by cops]

Elmo:
Aw, f***... Can't a brother just deal some GODDAMN DRUGS?

[first lines]

Elmo:
I mean, rules are like, arbitrary, you know. Made up for people who believe in fairy tales like, you know, like Santa Claus. Hey, but not us, right? I mean, we know what's important. There's a war going on, man. A war. Ain't that a b*tch? [cop sucks his teeth] I just graduated today, man. With honors. Got my degree in pharmacology. I'm licensed. Look, if you write me up on this drug charge, I won't be able to practice. So what we're talking about here is, is my life. The rest of it.

[cop lights joint, takes one hit, then discards it]

L.A. Highway Patrol:
The Sixties are over... MAN!

Felix:
Listen to this, I'm in f***ing Florida, right. This southern prat comes up and he's like, uh, "Hey! England's small. You must know that John F***in' Smith guy, right?" F***ing Smith. I'm like, "oh yeah, yeah mate. That's right. John Smith, yeah, I do know him, but, uh, he doesn't come from England mate, no, he comes from f***ing"

Felix, Frederick:
Pricksville, USA.

Shirley DeSouza:
Well, sh*t in a bag and punch it!

Elmo:
What the f*** did they do to this fish? Batter it to death?

Felix:
Fish and chips, national dish mate.

Elmo:
More like a national disaster!

Felix:
I couldn't take America. It's like f***in' Albania in neon.

Iki:
Twenty million in bonds. Untraceable.

Felix:
What? Is that supposed to be twenty mil?

Iki:
Well, I'm not hefting gold bars around the shop, am I? It's not f***ing Goldfinger, is it?

Iki:
Mr Kane, is it that time of the month already? I thought you weren't due till next week, you eager beaver.

The Lizard:
He f***ed me. I'm truly ass-invaded.

Felix:
F***ing yanks. The trouble with the f***ing yanks is, they've no f***ing sense. I had some dick in Los Angeles actually ask me where I learned English. English, f***!

Elmo:
Ain't that always the way? Elevator music, a n*gger in a kilt, and a chick with a nickel-plated nine.

Felix:
Look, I'm dyin' for a smoke. You haven't any ciggies, have ya?

Pharmacist:
Sorry. Cigarettes are bad for your health.

Felix:
Yeah. So's a F***ING PUNCH TO THE THROAT, MATE! I need f***ing nicotine now!

Pharmacist:
There's no reason to shout at me. I'm Pakistani, not deaf.

Detective Virgil Kane:
Now, aren't you the clever little chunky monkey?

Arthur:
You keep banging on about my weight. Now you are crossing the line.

Detective Virgil Kane:
Arthur, it was a joke. It was a joke. Smile. Smile.

Detective Virgil Kane:
[Arthur smiles] You fat c*nt.

Felix:
F***in' Yanks!

Felix:
[standing over guys shitting themselves] Curry was a bad idea, lads.

Iki:
Football and drugs. A perfect Saturday afternoon.

[last lines]

Elmo:
Elmo's in the house!

Elmo:
It takes ten seconds for an imbibed liquid to reach the stomach... It takes the human body eighty-one seconds to heat that liquid to the point of chemical volatility... You, [points to the Lizard] have twelve seconds left.

Detective Virgil Kane:
What else you got?

Arthur:
Six dead bodies and one live one. Chief, it's Leopold Durant.

Detective Virgil Kane:
Durant? Right, now concentrate, Arthur. Get that fat f*** down here pronto.

Arthur:
But sir, he's dying.

Detective Virgil Kane:
Then you'd better be f***ing quick about it, hadn't you?

Iki:
What is chemistry but the ability to attract adoration in others. You see, you're like me, Mr. McElroy. You're a sky-high-etrist, I'm a sky-high-etrist. See, I always knew I'd be a drug dealer, even when I was a kid. I saw me dad hit me mother, me mother hit me brother, me brother hit me sister, and me sister f*** me father. So I suppose it's inevitable, really. I mean, you'd have to be on drugs just to live in that madhouse, wouldn't you?

Iki:
Drugs are good, Mr. McElroy. Drugs are our mates. F***, I'm getting on me own nerves.

Detective Virgil Kane:
This city has gone from a peaceful, fun-loving utopia to an all-out f***ing war zone. And I, Virgil Kane, I want to know why. Nobody cuts me out of anything in this parochial pisshole.

Detective Virgil Kane:
You f*** me, and I'm gonna have you on your hands and your knees with your ass in the air exposing your rusty sheriff's badge for the next twenty years.

The Lizard:
It ain't often that a blowed-up motherf***er gets to chat to the motherf***er that blowed him up!

Elmo:
You got that right. Usually, the blowed-up motherf***er has the courtesy to stay blowed up.

The Lizard:
I'll try to be more accommodating next time, Elmo.

Elmo:
So, let me get this straight. "Bollocks" is bad, whereas "the dogs bollocks" is good, huh?

Felix:
Yeah.

[Felix sees Kane's car]

Felix:
Oh, Bollocks!

Arthur:
Right lads, get the cuffs on this cockney twat!

Felix:
So, how much are they paying you to wear that dress? [Elmo glares at Felix]

Felix:
...fag? [offers Elmo a cigarette]

Elmo:
No, motherf***er.

Felix:
[after Elmo arrives to the airport, opening the trunk of the car and there's the dead chemist] Arrgh, What's this?

Frederick:
It's Lawrence!

Felix:
I see it's Lawrence, but what happened?

Frederick:
You told me to take care of him.

Felix:
Ah, sh*t! I meant to take care of him, not f***in' take care of him!

Detective Virgil Kane:
Seven shades of sh*t in a one sh*t trumpet, sir.

Felix:
Boys and girls of Manchester! Just popped over from Liverpool to invite you to a game of footy tomorrow afternoon. But I'm f***ing f***ed if you pricks are gonna win it!

Felix:
Manchester United versus Liverpool. Blokes are shagging their mothers-in-law for a ticket.

Elmo:
You're gonna kiss the sun and taste the motherf***in' rainbow.

Iki:
Bring on the horses!

Iki:
Get them rogering the dancing girls! That's a circus!