The Adam and Joe Show

BaaadDad:
[commenting on the music video for Underworld's 'Born Slippy'] This has a very raw, inescapable, compelling rhythm and is vividly evocative of the sort of mindless behaviour of the football terraces. [sings along to the song] "Lager-lager-lager-lager-lager-lager-lager..." We have this very sick-looking lad in a Persian hat and with his walkman and these rapid cuts from one image to the other producing in me a total confusion. I'm told that Born Slippy was the name of a greyhound and this doesn't surprise me at all because I would have thought going to the dogs was something this band was quite used to.

BaaadDad:
[commenting on the music video for 'Firestarter' by The Prodigy] I have never seen anything more unattractive, more repulsive than this. A repulsive looking singer, a repulsive voice. This might appeal to people who themselves live in a kind of emotional, intellectual darkness. [singing along to the song] "I'm the firestarter, a twisted firestarter" Quite unnecessarily loathsome I would have thought. Very bad sweater. Abysmal. It is the abyss. [the video stops] Obviously I can't vote for the best of these three, but when it comes to the worst, it's a landslide victory for Keith of The Prodigy, he's whack.

Mr. Pandagott:
When I was young, David, my father gave me a key.

David Pandagott:
[a wind-up toy] Yes, I know, Daddy, but it wouldn't work so you gave it to me and you polished me up nice.

Mr. Pandagott:
That's right, and no one can ever wind you up like me, David.

BaaadDad:
[commenting on the music video for 'Bittersweet Symphony' by The Verve] Here we have a monumentally unattractive young man striding down the street, as we are to suppose, he strides through life not giving a damn for anything or anyone he meets. If someone bumped into me like that in the street, I'd ask what him the hell he thought he was doing, and I'd be very tempted to haul him off one. If it is a symphony then the needle's got stuck after the first few bars. He keeps telling us that he can change, it might be good idea if he started with his shirt and then went on to a haircut. He assures us he's a million different people from one day to the next, I hope they're not all as ill-mannered as he.

BaaadDad:
[commenting on the music video for 'Paranoid Android' by Radiohead] Here we have some quite agreeable music which allows the singer to get away with some very ordinary lyrics.

[sings along to the song]

BaaadDad:
"Ambition makes you look pretty ugly" My generation has heard all this before, this is idealistic youth protesting against cynical age. I'm not sure whether the trouble is I lack the intellectual capacity to understand this or whether in fact there's very little to understand. The lyrics are the sort of thing a sixth-former might write, the philosophy is the sort of philosophy that a fourth-former might indulge in, and the cartoons are the sort of thing one might see on the wall of the infants' class. I'm not sure which of these individuals has a radio for a head, but whoever is it is, he ought to try Classic FM and calm down.

BaaadDad:
[commenting on the music video for 'Song 2' by Blur] I really hate this video. Seems to be a celebration of violence, a celebration of ugliness.

[mockingly sings along to the song]

BaaadDad:
"I've got my head shaved by a jumbo jet" It is mindless to announce that your head's been almost shaved by a jumbo jet and that, as a consequence, you're feeling a bit heavy metal. The whole amusement, as far as he's concerned, is that it's very daring to come near to being decapitated by a jumbo jet which is flying where it ought not to be.

[he groans]

BaaadDad:
OK, the bouncing off the walls, the anxiety, this, that and the other, so what? If this is song 2, let's hope they never get to song 3.

[In "Saving Private Lion" - D-Day landing scene]

Captain:
Damn Germans. Always first on the beach.

[In "Saving Private Lion"]

Soldier:
Hey Captain, how come we haven't seen any British soldiers yet?

Captain:
Ah, don't be ignorant. Everyone knows the Second World War was fought entirely by American actors.

[At the end of "Saving Private Lion"]

Old Private Lion:
So, now you kids know what war was really like.

Grandson:
Yeah, cool for the first half hour, then boring.

[In Ibiza, a masked man on stilts wearing a luminous green fishnet suit, walks through the street]

BaaadDad:
I have to tell you I'm not amused by that sort of thing, it's grotesque, I loathe the grotesque.

[BaaadDad enters an Ibiza club]

BaaadDad:
[narrating] Next stop, Trade. And I'm afraid I don't like this place one little bit. Hard, ugly, deafening and depraved. The smoke and strobes make me feel very queer indeed. Perhaps I'm just not on the right pills.