The Angry Red Planet

Martian Voice:
Men of Earth, we of the planet Mars give you this warning. Listen carefully and remember: We have known your planet Earth since the first creature crawled out of the primeval slime of your seas to become man. For millennia, we have followed your progress. For centuries, we have watched you, listened to your radio signals and learned your speech and your culture, and now you have invaded our home. Technological adults, but spiritual and emotional infants, we kept you here, deciding your fate. Had the lower forms of life on our planet destroyed you, we would not have interfered, but you survived. Your civilization has not progressed beyond destruction, war and violence against yourselves and others. Do as you will to your own and to your planet, but remember this warning - do not return to Mars. You will be permitted to leave for this sole purpose. Carry the warning to Earth - "Do not come here." We can and will destroy you - ALL life on your planet - if you do not heed us. You have seen us, been permitted to glimpse our world. Go now. Warn mankind not to return unbidden.

Maj. Gen. George Treegar:
The hell with radiation. Let's go.

Dr. Iris 'Irish' Ryan:
I know you think I acted like an hysterical female back at the ship, but I can assure you I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

CWO Sam Jacobs:
[to Irish] You know, I can't say that I recommend spacesuits for beautiful young dolls. What happened to all your lovely curves?

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
Pretty soon people will be just as sure of space travel as I was of my dog... as I'd like to be of you.

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
See anything?

Dr. Iris 'Irish' Ryan:
Nothing. Everything seems to be dead out there. It's like a nightmare of unending silence.

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
I know, we all feel it.

Dr. Iris 'Irish' Ryan:
Then it isn't just me, because I'm a woman?

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
Oh-ho. Women don't have any monopoly on fear. Men are more afraid of being called cowards. Cowardice is one thing I guess we can never forgive ourselves.

Dr. Iris 'Irish' Ryan:
[confused as to why O'Bannion keeps calling her "Irish" instead of her name] I never know if you're calling me by name or nationality.

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
[seductively] When I call you by your name... you'll know it.

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
Will you take a raincheck?

Dr. Iris 'Irish' Ryan:
If it won't bounce.

CWO Sam Jacobs:
So Oola ran screaming across the burning Martian sands as the monster Ongolur relentlessly pursued her, its five arms reaching hungrily for her.

CWO Sam Jacobs:
[having just landed on Mars] Well? Shall we go out and claim the planet in the name of Brooklyn?

CWO Sam Jacobs:
If your ears start to twitch, will you let me know fast? I'll twitch with you.

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
Whadda you say we call it a day and go back to the ship?

Prof. Theodore Gettell:
I agree. We've had enough excitement and swashbuckling for one day.

CWO Sam Jacobs:
I'm for that. Any swash I ever had just came unbuckled.

CWO Sam Jacobs:
All right, everybody! Come and get it! Breakfast's ready! Hot coffee, hard tack and vitamin pill!

Dr. Iris 'Irish' Ryan:
[Looking out the spaceship window] Makes Broadway look like a dark alley!

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
How about exploring that dark alley together?

Dr. Iris 'Irish' Ryan:
[Looking out the spaceship window] Look! Both moons are visible!

CWO Sam Jacobs:
Hey, two moons! What a place for romance, hunh?

Dr. Iris 'Irish' Ryan:
And songwriters!

CWO Sam Jacobs:
[singing] Two moons! Da-da-da-da-da!

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
Let's close you mouth and the port quads, hunh? No use getting the view plate scratched up by meteor dust.

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
You know, Irish, you're the first scientist I've ever known with lovely, long red hair!

Dr. Iris 'Irish' Ryan:
Fantastic! All the characteristics of plant life but no chlorophyll!

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
Cowardice is the one thing we can never forgive ourselves!

CWO Sam Jacobs:
[Talking to his ray gun which has approved effective against a Martian monster] I think I'll call you Cleopatra because you're such a cool doll!

Col. Thomas O'Bannion:
[after the group has escaped an encounter with a Martian monster] You know, chin up, Sammy Boy!

CWO Sam Jacobs:
Some playmate! King Kong's brother!

Prof. Theodore Gettell:
It takes a brave man to admit his fears, Sam. We're all afraid of the unknown.

CWO Sam Jacobs:
[after Iris has described the creature she saw looking through the porthole] Hey, three eyes! What a crazy peepin' Tom!