The Audience Strikes Back

Caroline:
I hate to say it, but in my opinion the prequels have actually debased the first three films. I'll probably never be able to look at them the same way.

Celine:
You all know about the Ottoman Empire? The Ottoman Empire collapsed under its own weight at the beginning of the 20th Century. [Blank looks from others sitting at table.] You have all seen Lawrence of Arabia, non? [Nods, murmurs.] Do you remember when Lawrence is captured by the Turks. Do you remember Jose Ferrer? Do you remember his moustache? Very decadent moustache. [Mimics Jose Ferrer playing with his moustache.] Do you remember when he rapes Lawrence? That was the Ottoman Empire. And that is Microsoft, non? That is how all empires come to an end: the sweet smell of rot from the inside; and from the outside, the little fishes nibbling at the edges.

Caroline:
And while we're on the subject, I have a theory about the Bush administration and the environment. It seems to me that the people in the Bush administration don't care about the environment - or much else really - because they think that the Apocalypse is right around the corner and therefore it doesn't make any difference. The planet, as we know it, we'll be gone anyway, so why not simply rape, pillage and plunder before it happens. That's my theory.

Herb:
Look, I don't want to argue. I didn't come here to argue, but thirty years ago we didn't have the morning after pill, we didn't have abortion, we didn't have AIDS, we didn't have pornography all over the Internet, we didn't even have the Internet, we didn't have Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl, we didn't have cloning, we didn't have so-called scientists using unborn babies for medical research, we didn't have Muslim terrorists threatening our very way of life . . . But you know, you know - and I would be terribly remiss if I didn't tell you this - for those who are searching, there is an answer to this chaos.

Lloyd:
I was eleven when I first saw Star Wars and I was riveted and I went every week as soon as I got my allowance. But it wasn't just the special effects I liked - much more than the effects, it was the adventure, because it seemed to promise that adventure in my own life was right around the corner and all you needed was "a good blaster at your side" and the ability to trust in yourself. But life - real life - isn't like that. Real life is all about compromise, and the choices you make in real life are not nearly as clear cut as in Star Wars. So I ended up making a thousand little choices until by a thousand little cuts all the adventure was drained out of my life, and a few years ago when I put on my old Star Wars tape to try to recapture some of what I no longer had, I realized that the only person in the entire movie who made any sense was Uncle Owen - stay on the farm, mind your own business. That's why I had such high hopes for the prequels, because I thought they might be able to give me back some of what I had lost. But of course they didn't, and probably wouldn't have even if they had been any good, because the movie of my life is no longer Star Wars but something very different.

Herb:
But there is something else, Bill, and that's Satan, because Satan does in fact exist. People often forget this, but God created Satan, and like all things that God creates, Satan has a purpose. Satan's purpose is so that there can be good and evil in the world, which are necessary to the existence of free will. And sometimes, in testing mankind, God allows Satan to win. He allows Satan to win by giving us the power to choose evil, instead of good, when we are tempted by Satan.