The Bag Man

[first lines]

Jack:
You want to tell me what this is all about? I mean, if you want me to protect this, don't you want me to know what it is?

Dragna:
No, I don't.

Jack:
Okay. Can I ask you a question?

Dragna:
Go ahead.

Jack:
In all due respect, why don't you just hire FedEx?

Dragna:
Because I'm hiring you, Jack.

Jack:
So, you want me to pick up this bag and bring it to you, and that's it?

Dragna:
I want to pay you an exorbitant amount of money to get the bag and bring it to me.

Ned:
Not many people ask for room 13.

Jack:
So it's available, yeah?

Ned:
Was you asked to ask for that number?

Jack:
Asked to ask?

Ned:
Were you?

Jack:
I'm asking you.

Ned:
Room 13...

Jack:
It's my lucky number. I'm a contrarian, you know?

Ned:
You either a contrarian or you're a victim.

Dragna:
I don't like surprises, I never did. I never really enjoyed that whole Pop Goes The Weasel thing. I mean, don't get me wrong, I appreciate the unexpected. And, in fact, I'd say I'm a connoisseur of the unexpected. But I don't like surprises.

Jack:
I got shot.

Rivka:
In the hand?

Jack:
Yeah.

Rivka:
Why?

Jack:
Because I'm lucky like that.

Rivka:
Did they miss your heart or they couldn't find it?

Lizard:
I've got solutions. Permanent, cruel ones.

Jack:
You don't know what you're getting into, man.

Ned:
Oh, that's funny, because that's what I was just about to say to you.

Larson:
Hmm. A Gideon Bible and a shovel in every room.

Jack:
Why? Why me?

Deputy Jones:
Target practice.

Jack:
Kitty Cat's gotta go her own way. Cats are amazing animals though. Survive all sorts of terrible sh*t, and they always land up on their feet.

Rivka:
Not always.

Dragna:
Distrust is a disease that kills a friendship.

Dragna:
Can I give you a little bit of advice, Jack? If you took one-tenth of the time you spend on killing people and devoted it to reading a book now and then, I really think you would derive great benefit. Don't you?

Dragna:
You just can't keep the women in your life from dying horrible violent deaths, can you?

Dragna:
You wouldn't shoot a man in the back, would you?

Rivka:
A man, no. But you're not a man.

Jack:
You are one tough Hebrew.

Rivka:
You have no idea. Maybe we should go to the hospital.

Jack:
Ya think?

Lawyer:
You look like you've been in a war.

Rivka:
You could say so. I'm lucky to have good doctors whose specialty's not asking questions.

Dragna:
I mean, I guess, ya know, it could happen. I met my wife at f***in' Staples.