The Beautician and the Beast

[Motto for her cosmetology class]

Joy Miller:
Flashy, not trashy.

Kleist:
In Slovetzia, hard work today, happiness tomorrow.

Joy Miller:
Put on your sunblock because it's rays today, raisins tomorrow.

Joy Miller:
In our country we can marry who we want. I decided on John Kennedy Jr., and while he's in denial, I'll travel.

Grushinsky:
Oh, you Americans and your positive thinking. There are some situations that a big toothed person cannot get you out of.

[Trying to talk Pochenko into shaving]

Joy Miller:
OK, a lot of great men had mustaches. Hitler, Franco...

Boris Pochenko:
Einstein!

Joy Miller:
Oh, and that's who you wanna look like?

Joy Miller:
It's control-top pantyhose. Holds you in like a stuffed sausage.

Grushinsky:
I thought you teach science!

Joy Miller:
TEACH it? I didn't even PASS it!

Joy Miller:
Could I possibly get a blanket without a head?

Joy Miller:
Who are you and what did you do with the little Nazi kid?

Boris Pochenko:
I don't know where anything is in this kitchen

Joy Miller:
Oh come on, I can find food in Ghandi's house, are you kidding me?

Joy Miller:
Oh honey, talk to the hand, the ears ain't listening!

Boris Pochenko:
Oh my, call an ambulance! She doesn't know what to say!

[Pochenko gestures to hit Katrina]

Joy Miller:
What are you doing?

Boris Pochenko:
You do not understand

Joy Miller:
Oh no? You have the temper of an eight year old, your own children are scared to DEATH of you! And you hit girls! Tell me when I'm getting warm!

Boris Pochenko:
This whole thing is none of your business!

Joy Miller:
You know maybe you're right. Because even if you can't see that doing the right thing even when you have nothing to gain, is what makes you... a mench, and decent, and civilized! I can't have anything to do with you

Boris Pochenko:
They boy will remain in prison, it's none of your business

Joy Miller:
You know everyone is right about you... you are a beast...

Joy Miller:
It's like Paris 50 years ago.

Judy Miller:
There were Nazis in Paris 50 years ago.

Boris Pochenko:
What a nice man that hermit was. I didn't even know I had a hermit!

Boris Pochenko:
[talking to Svetlana] Hello how are you? [silence] I killed a cow right over there. [more silence] It was very nice meeting you!

Masha Pochenko:
You don't look like the other teacher. She was ugly with missing teeth and her breath smelled like something died, farting in her mouth.

Boris Pochenko:
Now, about this business at the factory...

Joy Miller:
Oh you know what there's no need to apologize, I know that you were cranky 'cause you didn't have your lunch. You could be hyperglycemic, you should carry a piece of cheese with you.

Boris Pochenko:
Do I not intimidate you at all?

Joy Miller:
Is one of your sideburns longer than the other?

Boris Pochenko:
I know where we are.

Joy Miller:
Well, where are we?

Boris Pochenko:
We're in the woods.

Joy Miller:
I knew it. Why can't you just ask one of them for directions?

Boris Pochenko:
NO!

Joy Miller:
Please! Asking for directions is not the first step to a two-party system.

Joy Miller:
This is a special place. Was it special for someone else too?

Boris Pochenko:
It's where I slaughtered my first cow.

Joy Miller:
Huh?

Boris Pochenko:
I was ten. My father told me I could eat only what I killed myself. All I had was two sticks and a butter knife, but I learned to be a man that day.

Joy Miller:
Oh, what a sweet story.

Joy Miller:
Come on, we can make our own sandwich.

Boris Pochenko:
I don't know where anything is in this kitchen.

Joy Miller:
Oh come on, I can find food at Ghandi's house. What're you kidding me?

Boris Pochenko:
You should try running a country for a day. It's not all making war and smashing dissidents, you know. It's hard work.

Joy Miller:
I'm sure it is.

Boris Pochenko:
Where is some...

Joy Miller:
What?

Boris Pochenko:
Mayonnaise?

Joy Miller:
We finished it.

Boris Pochenko:
Oh. [gives her a look]

Joy Miller:
Hmmm?

Boris Pochenko:
You're lying.

Joy Miller:
It's all gone.

Boris Pochenko:
Where is it?

Joy Miller:
I had to scrape for this.

Boris Pochenko:
Give it me!

Joy Miller:
Oh all right, I'll give it you, give it you. Here you go.

Boris Pochenko:
Hah. Hah-hah, heh-heh-heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.

Joy Miller:
I just hope you realize you're entering those dangerous heart attack years.

Boris Pochenko:
Why must you always go one step too far? You could be such a pleasant person if you just had a tiny little edit button.

Boris Pochenko:
[Outside Joy's parents house] Before you throw me out, I have three things to say. One; I released the boy from prison. Two; I'm holding free elections in the Spring. Three... Well I can't think of something else.

Joy Miller:
One and two are plenty! [They kiss]