The Bed Sitting Room

Penelope:
British? What a lot of use that is - we don't even know who's won the war!

Inspector:
[part of long, mock Churchillian speech]... the lion shall lie down with the lamb, the goat shall give suck to the tiny bee...

Sergeant:
[at various points in film, shouting out of police car] Keep moving!

Mate:
And in come the three bears. The Daddy Bear said, "Who's been sleeping in my porridge?" - and the mummy bear said, "that's no porridge, that was my wife!"

Mother:
[On being shown her own death certificate by the nurse] Well, you can't argue with it. I thought I was alive, but there it is in black and white... Do I lie down or something?

Mother:
Get your hands out of my drawers!

Nigel:
I hear the Pope's allowing contraceptives for all occasions, except during sexual intercourse.

Father:
I always knew my inside leg would lead to power.

Bules Martin:
My advice, charge twenty quid rent, be mindful of drafts...

Sergeant:
Remember you're the electricity man for the whole nation.

The BBC:
I am the BBC as you can see, and here was the last news.

Lord Fortnum of Alamein:
[His top hat has a miniature radar on top] I tell you, it's the latest early warning hat. It gives you that extra four minutes in bed.

The BBC:
I never wore a hat in bed. I've been a Catholic person for a long time now, and I wouldn't know where to begin.

Lord Fortnum of Alamein:
Are you a doctor, doctor?

Lord Fortnum of Alamein:
I want it privately, on the NHS.

Mother:
I wish there were more people her own age on the Circle Line.

Bules Martin:
Well, you know, you've been a bit off colour.

Lord Fortnum of Alamein:
Yes, I know, and what's more I've not been eating anything.

Bules Martin:
Why is that?

Lord Fortnum of Alamein:
I can't get the stuff.