The Big Store

Mr. Grover:
If Ms. Phelps were not my fianc?e, I would turn in my resignation and walk out of this store for good!

Martha Phelps:
Oh no, no...

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Fianc?e?

Martha Phelps:
Yes.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
You mean a woman of your culture and money and beauty and money and wealth and money would, would marry that imposter?

Henry's Wife:
[to Flywheel lying on a bed] Can you tell me the price of this bed?

Wolf J. Flywheel:
$8000

Henry:
Why that's preposterous! I can get the same bed anywhere in town for $25.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Yes, but not with me in it!

Ravelli:
I take-a your picture. Hey! Look at me and laugh.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
I've been doing that for 20 years.

[Wolf is about to propose to Martha]

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Martha, dear, there are many bonds that will hold us together through eternity.

Martha Phelps:
Really, Wolf? What are they?

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Your government bonds, your savings bonds, your liberty bonds.

Martha Phelps:
Tell me, Wolfie dear, will we have a beautiful home?

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Of course. You're not planning on moving, are you?

Martha Phelps:
No, but, uh, I'm afraid after we're married awhile, a beautiful young girl will come along, and, uh, you'll forget all about me.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
[Flywheel has mistaken the Hastings brothers for the killers and handcuffed them] There you are. I give you the killers.

Tommy Rogers:
Why, it's the Hastings brothers, the men who are going to buy the store.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Gentlemen, I'm terribly sorry, but it's really not my fault. You certainly do look like crooks.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
[In "Sing While You Sell" number] Come on, Wacky: Nagasaki!

Guiseppi:
[to Wacky] Hey, pressa' the grapes - no pressa' my wife!

Ravelli:
You kids, you practice until I come back. But-a remember! No woogie-boogie.

Ravelli:
Hey, I better not leave you. From now on, you and me is gonna be insufferable.

Martha Phelps:
Whew! It's warm in here.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Funny, I don't feel it.

Martha Phelps:
Well, I do.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
[Speaking on an "intercom"] Winthop, have the janitor come up and break a window.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Miss Phelps, I'm turning down all offers to take your case. After all, you're a woman. You are a woman, aren't you?

Martha Phelps:
Tell me, what would you want to handle this case for me?

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Twenty thousand dollars.

Martha Phelps:
Don't you think that's too much?

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Of course it is, only a cheap chisler would ask that much.

Martha Phelps:
I was prepared to pay five hundred dollars.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Hardly enough. Eh, I'm prepared to take it. Shall we bind the deal with a kiss? Or, five dollars in cash? You lose either way.

Mr. Grover:
What experience have you had at a department store?

Wolf J. Flywheel:
I was a shoplifter for three years.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
This man's a cad! A yellow cad!

Mr. Grover:
What is this man? A detective? A floorwalker? Or, a poet?

Wolf J. Flywheel:
All three. And not bad at making love. Eh, Martha? [Tickles Martha's chin] Woo-hoo!

Wolf J. Flywheel:
So, you didn't think I was a real detective, eh?

Mr. Grover:
Aw, if you're a detective, I'm a monkey's uncle.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Keep your family out of this!

Mr. Grover:
Why, this place is becoming a madhouse!

Wolf J. Flywheel:
[Flywheel lying in a bed in The Big Store, when Guiseppi, his wife, and their 12 children surround the bed. Flywheel sits up] What other hobbies have you got?

Guiseppi:
Eh, we like-a to see something different in a bed.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
You would? Just press that button over by the davenport.

Guiseppi:
Where is the davenport?

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Its in Iowa.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Hey, what's the difficulty here?

Guiseppi:
Look, I no get excited like-a my wife; but, I come in here with twelve-a kids and now there only six. What happened my six kids?

Wolf J. Flywheel:
What are their draft numbers?

Guiseppi:
Look-a there only six-a kids and I know I gotta twelve-a kids!

Wolf J. Flywheel:
Twelve kids, eh? How much you make a week?

Guiseppi:
Eh, eh, twenty-five dollars.

Wolf J. Flywheel:
You can't afford to have twelve kids!

Guiseppi:
No tell me what I can ford! The only thing I know-a is, I gotta twelve-a kids and now there only six!

Wolf J. Flywheel:
My good man, statistics prove it costs five dollars a week to provide for a child. Twelve times five is sixty dollars. You only make twenty-five dollars a week! Its economically impossible for you to have twelve children!

Tommy Rogers:
We can have a party, just like they do in Hollywood.

Ravelli:
That's-a fine! Let there be wine!

Wolf J. Flywheel:
And women!

Ravelli:
And song!

Wolf J. Flywheel:
And women!

Ravelli:
And caviar!

Wolf J. Flywheel:
And women!

Ravelli:
And more women!

Ravelli:
Hey, Wacky, I gotta good idea. Why don't-a you and me go play for the party? Eh, look how your dressed? You look-a terrible. It's-a whole bunch-a high class-a people there and you are dressed like a scared scarecrow. Well, it's-a too too bad. They wouldn't let you in dressed that way. Goodbye, Wacky.