The Bridge

[leading a chanting group]

Scientology leader:
Hip hip, hooray.

[last lines]

Richard's Ex-Wife:
We ship out for courses in two days and to be honest, I don't feel like being sent to Ethics. Goodbye, Richard.

[first lines]

Ron Miscavige:
Hello. I have great news for you. It's something we've wanted for a long time.

Dianne Wheat - volunteer Scientologist:
So what brings your interest in Scientology today?

Teenager:
Uh, South Park actually.

Dianne Wheat - volunteer Scientologist:
South Park? I don't think I've seen that one.

Ron Miscavige:
Reach out. Disseminate. Sell books, get people in and make them into Scientologists.

L Ron:
Well it starts like this, it starts like this. I was up in the Van Allen belt, this is factual. You'd be surprised how warm space is. And then something happened to me that I didn't know quite what had happened to me. I thought that some Facsimiles must have appeared in front of me, but they didn't look like Facsimiles. And I had a feeling like I might possibly go into the Sun, but I got confused. I got confused because the Sun was suddenly larger, and then it was smaller. And somehow or another I was doing a Change of Space Process that I myself was not familiar with. And it made me sort of bite off my Thetan fingernails just a little bit.

OT III Training Tape:
Fact One, a million years ago, is occasionally rigged with Christ and the Devil and an Angel.

Documentary Voice Over:
The Science Fiction Fantasist, turned Self-Proclaimed Messiah.

L Ron:
There was no Christ.

L Ron:
Xemu was put with several of his Cohorts in the centre of a mountain.

2nd Protestor:
I just saved you a lot of money.

Scientology leader:
Flunk.

Scientology leader:
Stop, go through it again.

Scientology leader:
[taking back an award] That was just for the ceremony, you have to buy them from the online store.

Scientology leader:
[just completed the Sec-Check] How do you feel?

Dianne Wheat - volunteer Scientologist:
Confused.