The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes

[first lines]

John Mason:
And this is where The Prince is stab... Oh, Sir Robert. Sorry to disturb you. This is Joe Barnes. Uh, Josiah's boy.

Sir Robert Norberton:
I know who he is, Mason. What's he doing here?

John Mason:
He's keen to race horses.

Joe Barnes:
I can ride, Sir Robert. I'd like to be a jockey.

Sir Robert Norberton:
Would you?

Joe Barnes:
More than anything in the world.

Sir Robert Norberton:
Well, that's good, very good, but what has it got to do with me?

Joe Barnes:
I thought I could work for you.

Sir Robert Norberton:
I have all the jockeys I need.

Joe Barnes:
Please give me a chance, sir. I'll muck out the stables, clean the yard, anything you want.

Sir Robert Norberton:
I'll think about it.

[last lines]

Sherlock Holmes:
So how much did you win on Shoscombe Prince?

Dr. Watson:
Twenty guineas.

Sherlock Holmes:
Disgraceful.

[Mrs. Hudson enters carrying a tray]

Dr. Watson:
Champagne, Mrs. Hudson?

Mrs. Hudson:
Of course, in the circumstances.

Dr. Watson:
Well, it's very good of you, but I've only won twenty guineas.

Mrs. Hudson:
Plus my ten. You're not the only one that likes a plunge on the horses from time to time, Doctor.

Sherlock Holmes:
Hah, gee, ahem. Well... Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Sherlock Holmes:
Watson, do you know anything of racing?

Dr. Watson:
I ought to. I pay for it with about half my wound pension.

Sherlock Holmes:
Watson, all this fresh air will kill me.

[first lines]

James McCarthy:
Look father, we have been through all this before...

William McCarthy:
Do as I tell you, boy. You damned disobedient little bastard! Give me the gun!

James McCarthy:
It's *my* life, and I'm going to run it the way I like!

William McCarthy:
Get off out of it!

Dr. Watson:
Many men have been hanged on far slighter evidence.

Sherlock Holmes:
So they have. And many men have been hanged wrongfully.

[last lines]

Dr. Watson:
A happy ending to a brilliant case. I congratulate you, Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes:
I thank you. I must admit there were certain aspects to this case which even *I* did not anticipate.

Dr. John Watson:
Mr. Holmes' memory is of a photographical order.

Jack Bennett:
Quite so. Oh, dear.

[first lines]

Professor Presbury:
You may inform the Secretary of the Royal Society that I have entitled my Michaelmas lecture 'Darwin's Fundamental Error'.

Jack Bennett:
That'll raise a few hackles, sir.

Professor Presbury:
Will it not.

Sherlock Holmes:
[voiceover as he writes note] Watson. Come at once if convenient. [pause] If inconvenient, come all the same.

Sherlock Holmes:
My card.

Professor Presbury:
Two hundred and twenty-one *B*. Hardly an address to inspire confidence.

Sherlock Holmes:
Well, I've never sought to inspire confidence in others; I have quite enough of my own.

Professor Presbury:
My assistant had no authority to engage you in this matter; kindly enquire into it no further. Should you persist, I shall have no hesitation in calling the police. Lestrade of the yard is well known to me, so beware.

Sherlock Holmes:
I would hesitate in calling Lestrade, Professor, if you wish to have the mystery solved.

Dr. Watson:
You go armed?

Sherlock Holmes:
Always carry a firearm east of Aldgate, Watson.

[last lines]

Dr. Watson:
If I may say so, Holmes, I think you went a little too far in allowing Lestrade all the credit.

Sherlock Holmes:
Not all, Watson. You can file it away in our archives. One day the entire truth can be told.

Sherlock Holmes:
Watson! Quick, man! It's life or death - a hundred chances on death and one on life!

Albert Shlessinger:
What the devil do you mean by this sacrilege?

Sherlock Holmes:
Murder, sir!

Sherlock Holmes:
Watson, you're a brick.

Lady Frances Carfax:
As the Earl of Rufton, I think he feels it is his duty to be shocked.

Sherlock Holmes:
Read.

Mrs. Hudson:
Mr. Holmes...

Sherlock Holmes:
READ!

Sherlock Holmes:
*How* did you send him packing?

The Earl of Rufton:
What I have are owls, owls in the east wing. Want to see the owls?

Sherlock Holmes:
Your further aliases I will not bore you by repeating.

Albert Shlessinger:
Why, you're a common burgler!

Sherlock Holmes:
And my friend is a dangerous ruffian. Together we mean to go through your house.

Dr. John Watson:
I was a soldier in India, sir. I've shot nobler creatures than you.

Sherlock Holmes:
What has happened to any brains that God has given me?

[first lines]

Dr. Watson:
[narration: Holmes is reading a letter from Watson] My dear Holmes, today I walked fourteen miles across rough terrain, and hardly a twinge from either my leg or my shoulder. The landscape is as handsome as it is reported. I still entertain the hope that I can prevail upon you to join me. I appreciate, of course, that the beauties of nature mean little to you, but I believe you would have found some of the guests at my hotel most intriguing.

Sherlock Holmes:
One of the most dangerous classes in the world is the drifting and friendless woman. With no-one to protect and guide her, she is the inevitable inciter of crime in others.

[last lines]

The Hon. Philip Green:
Frances?

Sherlock Holmes:
I've failed.

[first lines]

Sherlock Holmes:
This is the asylum at Varnish.

Dr Watson:
The misery there must be behind those walls. Hm.

Sherlock Holmes:
There's no escape from the terrors of the mind.

Dr Watson:
Indeed. Well, another case concluded.

Sherlock Holmes:
Pah! I needn't have left Baker Street. An observant child could have solved it.

Flora Miller:
Who will rid me of this troublesome woman?

Lord Robert St. Simon:
Lord Blackwater said that Mr Holmes has handled cases of this sort before. Though hardly, I imagine, from the same class of society.

Dr Watson:
He would in fact be descending.

Lord Robert St. Simon:
Sir.

Dr Watson:
Well, Mr Holmes' last client of the sort was a king.

[last lines]

Sherlock Holmes:
How dare you! How dare you make a record of this case!

Dr Watson:
Ho, record. Oh, no no no no no, I'm merely answering an invitation... to another seminar.

Sherlock Holmes:
Really? Well, be quick; we leave in an hour.

Dr Watson:
What for?

Sherlock Holmes:
For heaven's sake, Watson, the performance.

Sherlock Holmes:
I can not expect you to understand how much I envy you. The delight it must be to face an opponent of some worth.

Lady Helena:
I made a science of instability, and I succeeded.

Sherlock Holmes:
It is unique in my experience to have served the sentence before committing the crime.

[first lines]

Baron Gruner:
Oh. Oh, my dear. My dearest. I warned you; I said, "Do not go too near the edge."

Baroness Gruner:
Why did you push me, Baron?

Baron Gruner:
My dear wife... you, you're dreaming.

Baroness Gruner:
No. Dying. Dying.

Baron Gruner:
Oh, my darling.

Shinwell Johnson:
Kitty can speak for herself. Anyway, I put me hand right on her within an hour of your message, sir.

Kitty Winter:
I'm easy to find. Hell, London gets me every time.

Sir James Damery:
Should either Miss Winter or even you yourself be incommoded by the police, do not hesitate to telephone me.

Sherlock Holmes:
Thank you, Sir James, but to tell the truth I rarely if ever find myself inconvenienced by Scotland Yard.

[last lines]

Dr. Watson:
Holmes! Holmes! I have discovered the identity of our client. It's none other than...

Sherlock Holmes:
A loyal friend and a chivalrous gentleman. Let that now and forever be enough for us.

Sherlock Holmes:
It's all right, Watson. Don't look so scared.

Dr. Watson:
You mustn't talk.

Sherlock Holmes:
Nonsense. Need to.

Dr. Watson:
What can I do, Holmes? Of course it was that *damned* Austrian. Give me the word, and I'll go and thrash the hide off him.

Sherlock Holmes:
Good old Watson. No no no no.

Dr. Watson:
Anything more?

Sherlock Holmes:
Yes... Put my pipe on the table, and the tobacco-slipper.

Dr. Watson:
You must rest, not smoke.

Sherlock Holmes:
Very well... Doctor.

Sherlock Holmes:
Sir James got it for me - it comes from the collection of his client.

Dr. Watson:
Well, I could say that it... it should be valued by an expert.

Sherlock Holmes:
Oh, Watson, you scintillate today. I suggest Sotheby or Christie.

Sherlock Holmes:
Elementary psychology, Watson.

Sherlock Holmes:
[Referring to Sir James] Watson, explain. I must rest.

[Watson is trying to identity their mysterious client with the assistance of "Who's Who 1902"]

Sherlock Holmes:
You're wasting your time, Watson.

Dr. Watson:
Well, the career of General Merville might well give us a pointer as to our client; he's clearly illustrious.

Sherlock Holmes:
But did you not hear Sir James?

Dr. Watson:
His request was to you, Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes:
Oh, that is shameful, Watson, shameful!

Villagers:
Get thee to Hell. Burn forever and a day. May thy foul carcass be food for jackals and thy blood drink for pariah dogs.

Sherlock Holmes:
[after scaring Watson in vampire fashion] Sorry to have alarmed you, Watson, but your reaction was instructive. So you believe in their existence?

Doctor Watson:
What?

Sherlock Holmes:
Vampires.

Doctor Watson:
[angrily] No, of course I don't.

Sherlock Holmes:
Your attitude suggests the contrary.

Sherlock Holmes:
What are WE to do with walking corpses that have to have stakes driven through their hearts to keep them in their graves? Are we to give serious attention to such things? It's pure lunacy.

Sherlock Holmes:
The world is big enough for us. No ghosts need apply.

Sherlock Holmes:
Please, you must excuse my frankness, but it is necessary that we confront the truth about ourselves if we are to reach the heart of this matter.

Sherlock Holmes:
There are people we know who suck up the energies of others like a sponge, draw out their resources and pocket them, leaving them fatigued, no longer master of their wills.

Doctor Watson:
I'm sorry if I've caused you pain.

Carlotta:
Why not? You're a doctor.

Sherlock Holmes:
I've had to deal with fifty murderers in my career, but the worst of them never gave me this sense of revulsion I feel at this moment toward Mr Charles Augustus Milverton.

Lady Diana Swinstead:
On my knees, I beg you... I implore you to show mercy.

Charles Augustus Milverton:
I'm not in the business of mercy, madam.

Doctor Watson:
[reading] "Man who prays upon weakness with a smiling face and a heart of marble."

Sherlock Holmes:
A master blackmailer.

Doctor Watson:
Don't you think that the Honorable Miss Miles might be more worth a visit since Dorking wrote to you?

Sherlock Holmes:
That is past, Watson. What we must do now is foist ourselves onto his next victim.

Doctor Watson:
[about Milverton] I exchanged a word with him. A more calculatingly insincere smile I never hope to see.

Sherlock Holmes:
[hearing Watson's plan to catch Milverton] But legally we can not move until some victim is prepared to sacrifice their reputation by going to the police.

Sherlock Holmes:
He wrings the nerves of his victims to add to his already swollen moneybags. He is the WORST man in London.

Sherlock Holmes:
Watson, you'll be interested to hear that I'm engaged to be married.

Doctor Watson:
[absorbed in his newspaper] Hm, yeah? Jolly good.

Sherlock Holmes:
To the Milvertons' housemaid.

Doctor Watson:
Good heavens.

Sherlock Holmes:
One must play one's cards as best one can when such a stake is on the table.

Charles Augustus Milverton:
And yet here I find you, Mr. Holmes - a man of sense - boggling at terms when the whole future and honor of your client is at stake. You surprise me. You do, really.

Doctor Watson:
Surely, it would be better for you to take the substantial sum we offer than to ruin this young woman's career, which can profit you in no way.

Charles Augustus Milverton:
There, you're mistaken. An exposure would profit me indirectly to a considerable degree. I have eight or ten similar cases maturing. Ah, if it is circulated that I have made a severe example of Lady Eva, I shall find the rest much more open to reason. Do you see my point?

Sherlock Holmes:
Art is balm to the brain, especially in moments of decision.

Sherlock Holmes:
I'd prefer you to direct your energies towards the gossip columns - hm! - the grasslands... grasslands, Watson, through which our serpent glides.

Sherlock Holmes:
There is little to share, but we'll discuss it after you've consumed those two hard-boiled eggs with which our temporary cook has favoured us. Their condition may not be unconnected with the copy of 'The Family Herald' which I observed yesterday on the hall table. Even so trivial a matter as cooking an egg demands an attention which is incompatible with the love romance in that excellent periodical.

Sherlock Holmes:
It is a thankless business, Watson. I can discover facts, but I cannot change them.

Sherlock Holmes:
I'm falling into your involved habit of telling a story backward.

Sherlock Holmes:
I must confess that the case would seem to be a very black one against her if it were not for one thing.

Dr. Watson:
What is that?

Sherlock Holmes:
The finding of the pistol in her wardrobe.

Dr. Watson:
That seems to be the most damning incident of all.

[last lines]

Dr. Watson:
You have helped a remarkable woman, Holmes. And a formidable man.

Sherlock Holmes:
And if, as seems not unlikely, they should join forces?

Dr. Watson:
Naturally I would wish them well.

Sherlock Holmes:
Hmph. Magnanimous of you, Watson.

Dr. Watson:
[exasperated after Holmes drops his revolver into the stream to prove a point] My revolver, Holmes.