The Cockeyed Miracle

[Two ghosts argue about the family finances]

Sam Griggs:
All you left Ma and me was a fifteen-dollar saloon bill.

Ben Griggs:
I'll thank you to treat you father with more respect.{nm0604656@Sam Griggs}: Why, I'm twice as old as you are!

[After Jennifer Griggs and her boyfriend are soaked by rain, Jennifer quickly exchanges her wet dress for a provocative blanket]

Ben Griggs:
What does she do?

Sam Griggs:
She's a librarian.

Ben Griggs:
Must read a lot.

[Sam the ghost walks through his first wall]

Sam Griggs:
Look, Pa, no hands!

Ben Griggs:
Just as easy as I used to go through a week's pay.

Ralph Humphrey:
I've been thinking this thing over, and your sister's right.

Jim Griggs:
About my going to England?

Ralph Humphrey:
No, of course not. [to Amy] About Jimmy here being a good worker and deserving a raise. [to Jim] As a matter of fact, I intended to give you one on your birthday next month.

Sam Griggs:
Liar!

Jim Griggs:
That's very nice of you, Uncle Ralph, but you see I've made up my mind...

Ralph Humphrey:
That's not all. I'm putting you in charge of the fish balls!

Ben Griggs:
Can that be a promotion?

Jim Griggs:
But money just doesn't vanish into thin air!

Ben Griggs:
Oh, doesn't it! It's easy to see he hasn't handled much of it.

Jennifer Griggs:
I'm sorry, Jim... for you.

Jim Griggs:
So am I... for you.

Howard Bankson:
I'm sorry too.

Sam Griggs:
Well, you can all stop being so darn sorry for each other!

Amy Griggs:
What strange unnatural storms!

Ben Griggs:
What does she want with her storms, affidavits of authenticity?