The Constant Gardener

Tessa Quayle:
It's like it's a marriage of convenience and all it produces are dead offspring.

Tessa Quayle:
Sorry, I've just got one question: Whose map is Britain using when it completely ignores the United Nations and decides to invade Iraq? Or do you think it's more diplomatic to bend to the will of a superpower and politely take part in Vietnam the Sequel?

Dr. Lorbeer:
Big pharmaceuticals are right up there with the arms dealers.

Dr. Lorbeer:
I only give the food to the women, Mr. Black. Women make the homes, men just make wars... and hooch. Adam was God's first draft - He got it right with Eve. Tell that to your readers, Mr. Black.

Sir Bernard Pellegrin:
Do you no good to go poking around under rocks, Justin. Some very nasty things live under rocks, especially in foreign gardens.

Arthur "Ham" Hammond:
So who has got away with murder? Not, of course, the British government. They merely covered up, as one does, the offensive corpses. Though not literally. That was done by person or persons unknown. So who has committed murder? Not, of course, the highly respectable firm of KDH Pharmaceutical, which has enjoyed record profits this quarter, and has now licensed ZimbaMed of Harare, to continue testing Dypraxa in Africa. No, there are no murders in Africa. Only regrettable deaths. And from those deaths we derive the benefits of civilization, benefits we can afford so easily... because those lives were bought so cheaply.

Birgit:
[on drug trials] Put $50,000 in the right hands and you can test battery acid as skin lotion.

Tessa Quayle:
I thought you spies knew everything.

Tim Donohue:
Only God knows everything. He works for Mossad.

Justin Quayle:
[Tessa tells Justin to slow down, wanting to drive a woman, her baby, and her brother who are walking 40 kilometers back to his home] We can't involve ourselves in their lives, Tessa.

Tessa Quayle:
Why?

Justin Quayle:
Be reasonable. There are millions of people, they all need help. It's what the agencies are here for.

Tessa Quayle:
Yeah, but these are three people that we can help.

Justin Quayle:
Well, ah, I can't speak for Sir Bernard...

Tessa Quayle:
Oh, I thought that was why you were here?

[lecture audience laughs]

Justin Quayle:
Well, diplomats have to go where they're sent.

Tessa Quayle:
So do labradors.

Justin Quayle:
[Smiling] Ouch... Well, I think Mr. Bernard would argue that when peaceful means are exhausted...

Tessa Quayle:
Exhausted? Mr.Quayle, they're not exactly exhausted, they're just lying in the way of the tanks!

Policeman:
For a diplomat you're not a very good liar.

Justin Quayle:
I haven't risen very high.

Sir Curtiss:
You're what passes for James Bond around here. Get Her Majesty's secret service to pull a few things. It's what you spies do, isn't it?

Tim Donohue:
Is it? Never really sure what it is we do.

Tim Donohue:
[after a car chase through the desert] Who did you think I was?

Justin Quayle:
F*** you, Donohue! This is bandit country.

Tim Donohue:
Leave this Justin. Go home.

Justin Quayle:
I can't go home. Tessa was my home.

Tessa Quayle:
They're a drug company, Arnold. Come on, no drug company does something for nothing.