The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

Lady Tottington:
[over the phone] It's a disaster. I have the most terrible rabbit problem. The competition's only days away. You simply have to do something.

Wallace:
Certainly, M'um.

Wallace:
[Aside, to Gromit] I think we're about to go up in the world, lad.

Wallace:
[Back on phone] Just stay right where you are, Your Ladyship, and we'll be with you in an... [hits the control panel and gets dragged up through the ceiling] Ahhhh!

Lady Tottington:
In an hour? But I can't wait an hour. I have a major infestation. Hello? Hello?

PC McIntosh:
[the townspeople are discussing the attack on their vegetables] If you ask me, this was arson.

Townspeople:
[gasp]

Mr. Caliche:
Arson?

PC McIntosh:
Yeah, somebody arsin' around! One of you lot!

Wallace:
[sobbing] Oh, Gromit! I don't wanna be a giant rabbit!

Hutch the Rabbit:
Aww. The bounce has gone from his bungee.

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
You can hop, but you can't hide!

Wallace:
I'm sorry, Gromit. I know you're doing this for my own good, but the fact is I'm just crackers about cheese. Look, if I must change me ways, at least let me do it my way, with technology. [Lowers the Mind Manipulation-omatic onto his head] It's time we tried my latest invention, the Mind Manipulation-omatic. It extracts unwanted thoughts and desires. I haven't tested it yet, but it should be perfectly safe. Just a bit of harmless brain alteration, that's all.

Wallace:
Burrowing bounders! They must be breeding like... well, rabbits.

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
I know your little secret, Pesto. I know exactly what's going on.

Wallace:
Your Lordship...

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Oh, yes. You think you can pilfer my filly, don't you? You think you can con an innocent woman out of her fortune?

Wallace:
Who, me?

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Well, I got here first! I've spent a long time reeling in that fluffy-headed bunny-lover, and I'm not about to let some puddle-headed peasant poach her from me. Comprenez?

Reverend Clement Hedges:
This was no man. Does a man have teeth the size of axe blades? Or ears like terrible tombstones? By tampering with nature, forcing vegetables to swell far beyond their natural size, we have brought a terrible judgement upon ourselves. [Omninous organ music plays]

PC McIntosh:
[to the organ player] Hey, give over! [Organ player stops] You're mental.

Reverend Clement Hedges:
And for our sins, a hideous creature has been sent to punish us all! Repent! Repent! Lest you, too, taste the wrath of... the Were-Rabbit!

Wallace:
Veg bad. Veg bad. Veg bad. Say no to carrots, cabbage and cauliflower.

[Quartermaine's hairpiece has been sucked up in the Bunvacc]

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
I want... [lowers voice]... toup?e, please.

Wallace:
Oh, grand. We take cheques or cash.

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Toup?e, you idiot! My hair is in your machine.

Wallace:
Oh, no, it's only rabbits in there. The hare, I think you'll find, is a much larger mammal.

Reverend Clement Hedges:
Hello? Is anyone there?

[Were-Rabbit lets out an enormous belch]

Reverend Clement Hedges:
Mrs. Mulch?

Lady Campanula Tottington:
Please, Wallace, call me "Totty".

[Wallace is holding a carrot and has fluffy rabbit-ears]

Wallace:
[to Gromit] What's up, Dog?

[last lines]

Hutch the Rabbit:
Cheeeeeeeese!

Wallace:
It's a veritable vegetable paradise!

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
How on earth would those tiny-minded buffoons ever catch such a big rabbit?

Lady Tottington:
Mr. Wallace?

Wallace:
Um... with a big trap! [Gromit slaps his face]

Mr. Crock:
By Jove, he... he's got it!

[the Were-Rabbit is teetering on the edge of the roof and accidentally knocks down a stone urn]

PC McIntosh:
Stand back! There may be a large rabbit dropping!

[first lines]

Wallace:
Oh ho ho, cracking job, Gromit!

Wallace:
[Falling down bed into hole] I'm in the mood for food!

[Wallace gets stuck in the hole]

Wallace:
Uh, Gromit old pal, it happened again. I'll need assistance.

[Gromit slowly walks towards a switch cleverly marked "assistance" and pulls it. Camera then shows that a giant hammer comes out of Wallace's wardrobe and hits Wallace on the head]

Wallace:
Ouch!

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
[after Gromit intercepts the gold carrot-bullet meant for the Were-Rabbit] Aarrghh! Potty poo!

Hutch the Rabbit:
Cheese Gromit! Cheese!

Hutch the Rabbit:
I'm inventing mostly.

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
No nonsense with Victor Quartermaine. What you see is what you get.

[his toupee is sucked into a rabbit hole and Lady Tottington screams]

Lady Tottington:
[to Wallace in were-rabbit form] Run, rabbit, run!

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
[on the rooftop, preparing to shot the rabbit] This buck stops here!

Wallace:
[tugging on his rabbit ears] I can't answer the door! Not like this!

Hutch the Rabbit:
[going up the stairs] Charming! I'm Wallace.

Wallace:
Ah! I already am!

Wallace:
[referring to vegetables] Oh, lovely food! For rabbits that is!

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Spare me the sermon, vicar! Just tell me how I can kill him!... I mean, it.

Reverend Clement Hedges:
I have a hunch this is going to be a night to remember!

Mr. Growbag:
I just have a hunch.

Wallace:
[showing the rabbit-sucking machine to Lady Tottington] Aah, the old BV6000, Ma'am, err... capable of 125 rpm - that's "rabbits per minute".

Reverend Clement Hedges:
To kill such a creature will require nerves of steel and... a bullet! [lightning strikes]

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
A bullet? [lightning strikes]

Reverend Clement Hedges:
A bullet! [lightning strikes]

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
A bull... [lightning strikes] Oh! [closing the window] What kind of bullet?

Reverend Clement Hedges:
A bullet... of pure gold.

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Gold?

Reverend Clement Hedges:
Yes... 24 "carrots" [chuckles]

[Victor is dangling by his braces from a weather-vane with his bare buttocks showing]

Reverend Clement Hedges:
Beware the moon!

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
If I can't have your money, I'll can still bag your Bunny!

Mr. Dibber:
[to Victor Quartermaine] Kiss my ar... [produces his vegetable]... tichoke!

Wallace:
[strapped into the Mind Manipulation-omatic] . Their tiny bunny brains are being saturated in my veg-free mind waves.

[Victor rams a pitchfork into Lady Tottington's hair]

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Hmm. I rather like your hair pinned back.

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Your loyalty's moving. Sadly, you won't be.

Reverend Clement Hedges:
Protect and nourish the frail and the weak, O Lord. Let them grow big and strong under Thy loving care.

[Pull back to show him "blessing" his vegetables]

Reverend Clement Hedges:
In fact, let them grow bigger and stronger than anyone else's, so that the first prize might be mine. Amen.

Lady Tottington:
But Victor, didn't we agree, no more thoughtless killing?

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Quite right, my dear, so I thought this one out very carefully.

[Aims his gun at a rabbit]

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
It's off to bunny heaven for you, big ears!

Lady Tottington:
You see, Victor, there is hope for the vegetables yet.

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Not the ones I'm looking at.

Wallace:
Ah, love, Gromit. That's the biggest trap of all. The tender trap, they call it. And that's how we'll capture this thing. A lovely lady rabbit. How could any hot-blooded rabbit beast resist?

[Gromit is manipulating a large female rabbit puppet to lure the Were-Rabbit]

Wallace:
Oh, come on, Gromit. A bit more, you know... alluring.

[Gromit vamps it up]

Wallace:
Oho, very cheeky.

Hutch the Rabbit:
Oh, I do love a bit of gorganzola!

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Vicar! Vicar! Oh, where the devil is he?

Reverend Clement Hedges:
Do you want to confess?

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
I want to talk to you about... The beast. [lightning strikes]

Reverend Clement Hedges:
Everything you need to know is inside this book.

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
Nun Wrestling?

Reverend Clement Hedges:
No I meant this book. [lays a book on the table]

[repeated line]

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
What ho! Heard you had a spot of rabbit bother.

[Wallace and Gromit have captured a rabbit]

Reverend Clement Hedges:
Bless you Anti-Pesto! With you out there protecting our veg, the most important event of the year is safe.

Mrs. Mulch:
Yeah, and I hope they give them pests what's comin' to them and all.

Reverend Clement Hedges:
Amen to that, Mrs. Mulch!

[after both of Victor's shots miss]

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
[Grabbing the Reverend] Quick! I need another gold bullet!

Reverend Clement Hedges:
They don't come cheap, you know!

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
[to Lady Tottington] I'm sorry my dear but I refuse to suffer any more humiliation at the hands of these blundering nittwits. I therefore bid you good day. [Leaves, wearing a rabbit for a toupee]

Wallace:
Oh, Gromit. We've created a monster. Hutch is the beast. The lunar panels! They must've ovestimulated his primitive bunny nature. And now when the moon is out, he undergoes a hideous transformation. [Suddenly Hutch starts twitching and growling until... he lets out a loud belch] This is absolutely... fantastic! Sure, we've created a veg-ravaging monster, but we have also captured it, just like we promised Lady Tottington.

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
No one beats Victor Quartermain!

Lady Campanula Tottington:
Is that so? [Hits Victor over the head with her giant carrot] Consider yourself dumped.

Reverend Clement Hedges:
Beware! Beware the beast within!

Wallace:
And slow down, for pity's sake! You'll buckle me trunnions!

Wallace:
[as the BunVac 6000 labours] Sounds like a really big brute, this one. Give it some more welly.

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
[preparing to engage Wallace in fisticuffs] And don't think that acting like a big girl's blouse will get you out of it. There's no mercy with Victor Quartermaine.

[after everyone thinks that the wererabbit is dead and everyone is celebrating]

Lord Victor Quartermaine:
[whispering] I don't want to alarm anyone, but the beast isn't actually dead yet.

PC McIntosh:
[shouting through his loudspeaker] *The beast isn't actually dead yet?*

[everything stops]

PC McIntosh:
[into loudspeaker] Oops.

Wallace:
[Entering through the gates of Tottington Hall] Ho-ho! Very classy

Wallace:
Full suction.