The Devil's Disciple

Major Swindon:
What will history say, sir?

General John Burgoyne:
History, sir, will tell lies, as usual!

Dick Dudgeon:
The rest of this story is pure fiction. Rest assured, you can believe every word of it.

Major Swindon:
I can only do my best sir, and rely on the devotion of our countrymen.

General John Burgoyne:
May I ask, Major, are you writing a melodrama?

Major Swindon:
No, sir.

General John Burgoyne:
(sarcastically) What a pity! WHAT a pity!

General John Burgoyne:
Martyrdom, it is where one achieves fame without ability.

Narrator:
Give a Major Swindon enough rope, and he'll always hang somebody.

Dick Dudgeon:
[to Anderson] You know, I've never met a minister that doesn't ask you to dinner and give you a sermon.

The Rev. Anthony Anderson:
[angrily] He's given me a debt I can never repay. *Confound* Richard!

Burgoyne (taking a report from his pocket and holding it up):
Springtown's in the hands of the rebels. (He throws the report on the table.)

Swindon (aghast):
Since yesterday!

Burgoyne:
Since two o'clock this morning. Perhaps WE shall be in their hands before two o'clock to-morrow morning. Have you thought of that?

Swindon (confidently):
As to that, General, the British soldier will give a good account of himself.

Burgoyne

(bitterly):
And therefore, I suppose, sir, the British officer need not know his business: the British soldier will get him out of all his blunders with the bayonet. In future, sir, I must ask you to be a little less generous with the blood of your men, and a little more generous with your own brains