The Devil's Rejects

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
Mr. Dobson? It's time to do what the good Lord would refer to as a "cleansing of the wicked", and what my brother George...God rest his soul, used to call a 100% Alabama ass-kicking.

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
Dying's not an option, now you stick that back in that gray matter of yours, and you make that stick, cause' any other thought's gonna get you cold slabed, toe tagged, and mailed home to your mama in a plastic bag, are we crystal?

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
Gentlemen, let's do what God made us to do!

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
[after Mother Firefly attempts to kill herself, but discovers there are no more bullets in the gun she tried to use] Looks like you're not getting off that easy. Huh, b*tch?

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
As God is my witness, I have only just begun.

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
[after Mother Firefly taunts him about killing his brother] You listen to me, and you listen good! I am gonna kill every member of your family! I'm gonna hunt them down like the animals they are, and I'm gonna skin em' alive! They are going to feel the pain and suffering of every last victim! They're gonna crawl on on their hands and knees, and they're gonna beg me for mercy. But all I'm gonna have for them is pain! Pain and death!

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
Son, if you ever say another derogatory word about Elvis Aaron Presley in my presence again, I WILL KICK THE LIVING SH*T OUT OF YOU!

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
I'm walking the line on this one, brother, I'm walking the line!

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
From the illusion lead me to truth. From darkness lead me to light. From death lead me to eternal life. [He nails Otis' hands into the arms of a chair] Hallelujah! Are you feeling it brother?!

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
[Talking to himself in mirror] You know I got to tell you, that's some catchphrase you got there, Devil's Rejects. What? You got something to say to me clown, huh. I bet you scare lots of folks, don't ya? Yeah, regular f***in' killer. You want a piece of this motherf***er? You want a piece of this? Huh, what you got! What you got! Lord I am your arm of justice. Lord I am your arm of justice. Lord I am your arm of justice. Your righteous sword of vengeance. Let my blows be true.

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
Hey, you be careful, or maybe you'll get stepped on like a roach.

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
I've been looking for you clown.

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
F*** GROUCHO!

Sheriff John Quincy Wydell:
I want them alive long enough so I can piss in their faces

Captain Spaulding:
[After sex] You're giving a good riding tonight.

Captain Spaulding:
Did I stutter, b*tch?

Captain Spaulding:
[While hijacking a car with a boy inside] What's the matter kid, don't you like clowns? [Kid shakes his head "no"] Don't we make ya laugh? Aren't we f***in' funny? You best come up with an answer because I'm gonna come back here and check on you and your mama... and if you ain't got a reason why you hate clowns, I'm gonna kill your whole f***in' family.

Captain Spaulding:
Hey, if you got a problem with my timeframe, son. You'd best spit it out right now.

Captain Spaulding:
Well come on make your move Whitey! Two hits: I hit you and your dick hits the f***in' dirt.

Captain Spaulding:
I could really go for some tooty f***in' fruity.

Captain Spaulding:
Well if you let me finish, I was about to call you goddamned pig f***ing, p*ssy piece of sh*t.

Captain Spaulding:
[Substituting marijuana for cocaine] Well, any port in a f***ing storm.

Captain Spaulding:
[Confronted by Wydell] If you're gonna start the killing, you'd best start it right here. Make sure I'm all the way dead, cause I will come back and make you my b*tch [Wydell shoots him]

Captain Spaulding:
[While Wydell talks about his dead brother during torture] Yeah I remember him. Stupid F*** just like you. All I had to do was point him in a direction and there he went. Officer Wy-f***in'-dell to the rescue.

Otis B. Driftwood:
I am the Devil, and I am here to do the Devil's work.

Otis B. Driftwood:
Consider me f***in' Willy f***in' Wonka! This is my f***ing chocolate factory! You got it? My factory!

Otis B. Driftwood:
F*** you, will you just pay attention to the business at hand here?

Otis B. Driftwood:
Boy the next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant f***ing Mark Twain sh*t. Cause it's definitely getting chiseled* on your tombstone.

Otis B. Driftwood:
Stop? B*tch I have just started.

Otis B. Driftwood:
Ha, that's what they all say "F*** you". Well it ain't gonna save you. It don't scare me none. And it certainly doesn't make you a f***in' hero!

Otis B. Driftwood:
You want to see what happens to heroes boy? You want to see bad ass motherf***er! I'll show ya badass!

Otis B. Driftwood:
[When violating a hostage]Give me some sugar, and make it sweet.

Otis B. Driftwood:
Hoss, I want you to pray to your God. I want you to pray that he comes to save you. I want lightning to come down and crash upon my f***in' head!

Otis B. Driftwood:
[To Captain Spaulding and Baby]Forget it, there is no f***in' ice cream in your f***in' future. [Cut to Spaulding and Baby in the car with ice cream, Otis looks annoyed]

Otis B. Driftwood:
[To Charlie's top earning girl] "Baby I set my standards pretty low, so I'm never disappointed."

Otis B. Driftwood:
"Hey I know what I know and I know i don't like that nut sac".

Otis B. Driftwood:
[To Roy]I originally thought you were this bad-ass country boy, but it turns out you are just some city f*ggot wearing a cowboy hat

Baby:
Daddy grab that b*tch!

Baby:
Trust me fella, that ain't the only thing I do with this mouth.

Baby:
Holy sh*t, check out that jacket.

Baby:
Why would you want to kill me, I'm your only hope. My brother(Otis) is f***in' crazy, you've seen him.

Baby:
Stupid c*nt, there aint any bullets in this gun. That's just f***ing mind power.

Baby:
[While Wydell tortures her, Spaulding and Otis) I can't f***ing wait! You want it? Here it is, come and get it. COME ON!

Baby:
[As Otis makes Gloria strip] Good job Roy, she has a tight little ass.

Baby:
Chinese, Japanese, Dirty knees, look at these....

Candy:
What you lookin' at?

Otis B. Driftwood:
I'm lookin' at you, mama.

Candy:
Yeah, you see something you like?

Otis B. Driftwood:
Maybe. I set my standards pretty low, so I'm never disappointed.

Candy:
Oh I don't disappoint.

Baby:
[dancing in front of Otis and the hostages] Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at the these. [repeated 4x]

Otis:
Hoss, are you staring at my sister thinking bad thoughts?

Roy:
No,

Otis:
Well, why not- are you a f*ggot?

Roy:
No.

Otis:
Well, what are ya then? I mean you got this hot, piece of ass shaking her sh*t right in front of you and you're not getting any ideas. What do you call that?

Roy:
I'm a married man.

Otis:
Oh, a married f***in' man. Hey, that's just great! Let's give him a big round of applause, folks for the married man! [he and Baby clap and laugh]

Otis:
Okay, mama, get up here.

Gloria:
What?

Otis:
Get on your feet. I want to know what's been keeping the married man in line all these years.

Adam Banjo:
Please, mister. This is insane.

Otis:
Boy, the next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant f***in' Mark Twain sh*t, 'cause it's definitely gettin' chiseled on your tombstone.

Baby:
I bet all the girls wanna f*** you.

Roy Sullivan:
Would you say that again?

Baby:
I bet all the girls wanna f*** you.

Roy Sullivan:
Do you kiss your mama with that mouth?

Baby:
Trust me, fella. That ain't the only thing I do with this mouth.

Captain Spaulding:
I'm gonna have to be taking your car today. See I have some top secret clown business that supersedes any plans that you might have for this here vehicle.

Susan:
What's that about clown business?

Captain Spaulding:
[pause] Do I stutter, b*tch?

Sheriff John Wydell:
What's going on, shitheads?

Rondo:
Sheriff....

Sheriff John Wydell:
(hands Rondo a piece of paper) Here's a list of names I need you to run down for me.

Rondo:
[Looks at the paper, and starts chuckling] That's some funny-ass names! Haha!

Sheriff John Wydell:
Yeah, look who's f***in' talkin' "Rondo". Just let me know if anything connects.

Billy Ray Snapper:
I'm sure it will. Sh*t always floats our way, don't it...."Chief"?

Sheriff John Wydell:
Well, if you keep your mouth open wide enough maybe you'll catch it all....don't f*** this up a**holes.

Rondo:
Have fun scraping all them brains up off the road! Haha.

Charlie Altamont:
Oh...yeah! Lord have mercy!! What a mornin'!! Clevon!!

Clevon:
Yeah boss?

Charlie Altamont:
You know why I come here to get these chickens?

Clevon:
No boss.

Charlie Altamont:
'Cuz my brother makes the best fried chicken in the world!

Clevon:
Is that right?

Charlie Altamont:
(to Darrell) Yeah, good mornin' good mornin' good mornin' good mornin' sir! How are ya!

Darrell:
How're you all doin? G'morning.

Charlie Altamont:
Good, good, good, whatcha got for me?

Darrell:
We got these, uh, real cute barred rock chickens.

Charlie Altamont:
Yeah! I see it!

Darrell:
Some nice, long-legged Rhode Island Reds.

Charlie Altamont:
RHODE ISLAND RED!! I like that, huh! I want a Rhode Island red for me, all right? Two of 'em.

Darrell:
Rhode Island Red...two. (long pause, scratches his nose) Now ya'll ain't planning on f***in' these chickens are ya?

Charlie Altamont:
(after a long pause) What the f*** are you getting at? Do you f*** chickens?

Darrell:
Well, I thought about f***in' some chickens before, eh? If you want to have a good time and you need some p*ssy, you can (motions with his hands) cut that chicken's head off, stick yo' dick in the ass of that chicken, and that damn chicken'll go crazy on your ass and go "Caaaaah".

Charlie Altamont:
Are you saying that I would cut off a chicken's head, put my dick in it, f*** it...and go "Aah"? You accuse me of f***ing a chicken, motherf***er?

Darrell:
Nah, I ain't--I ain't callin' you a chicken f***er but...that boy over there looks se--sexually frustrated, and I don't approve of chicken f***ing.

Clevon:
Did you hear what he called me, Boss? I ain't--he called me a f***ing chicken f***er!

Darrell:
I didn't say--

Charlie Altamont:
Everybody just stop yappin' and grab the f***in' chickens, Clevon! (to Darrell) Here, five.

Darrell:
Appreciate it...thank y'all.

Clevon:
Chickenf--He's the chicken f***er!!!

Charlie Altamont:
That's all right. Put 'em back there. Next time we go someplace else.

Clevon:
We ain't never buying chickens from him again, boss!

Charlie Altamont:
Yeah, I know, I know.

Clevon:
(yelling back to Darrell, and giving the finger) You inbred! Inbred!!

Baby:
Goddamn it, look at that jacket.

Otis:
What?

Baby:
On TV.

Otis:
Wha--f*** the TV!

Baby:
F*** the TV? F*** you!

Otis:
Hey f*** you, will you just keep your head in the business at hand here?

Marty Walker:
That goddamn f***ing Elvis Presley

Sheriff John Wydell:
What'd you say about the King?!?!?

Marty Walker:
I said he died three days before Grouch...

Sheriff John Wydell:
Son, if you ever say another derogatory word about Elvis Aron Presley in my presence again, I will kick the living sh*t out of you!

Charlie Altamont:
(To Captain Spauding) Business is business, baby.

Baby:
You f***ing a**hole!

Sheriff John Wydell:
She's right Charlie, you are an a**hole. Why don't you get back on your f***ing horse and ride.

Fanny:
Poopy! What do you need a gun for? Where are we going?

Captain Spaulding:
You ain't going nowhere, b*tch.

Fanny:
Oh, Poopy! Where are you going?

Captain Spaulding:
Get out of my f***ing way!

Fanny:
Poopy, no!

Sheriff John Wydell:
If you're out there listening to this, I got a message for ya. I'm coming to get ya. You can't run forever. You're gonna have to stop somewhere, sometime, and when you do I'm gonna be there to put the wrath of the Lord up your ass.

Fanny:
Poopy, don't go!

Captain Spaulding:
God damn it, stop calling me Poopy! Leave me alone, woman!

Fanny:
I want my Poopy!

Captain Spaulding:
Leave me alone!

Fanny:
Poopy, no!

Shoot me shoot me right in the ass

Baby:
[dancing in front of Otis and the hostages] Chinese, Japanese, dirty knees, look at these. [repeated 4x]

Otis:
Hoss, are you staring at my sister thinking bad thoughts?

Roy:
No,

Otis:
Well, why not- are you a f*ggot?

Roy:
No.

Otis:
Well, what are ya then? I mean you got this hot, piece of ass shaking her sh*t right in front of you and you're not getting any ideas. What do you call that?

Roy:
I'm a married man.

Otis:
Oh, a married f***in' man. Hey, that's just great! Let's give him a big round of applause, folks for the married man! come on! [he and Baby clap and laugh]

Baby:
Wow! married man!

Otis:
All right. wow. okay, mama, front and center, on your feet.

Roy:
Don't hurt her.

Otis:
Get on your feet. Come on. Let's go.

Adam Banjo:
Please, mister. This is insane.

Otis:
Boy, the next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant f***in' Mark Twain sh*t, 'cause it's definitely gettin' chiseled on your tombstone. okay, come on, Mama. Take that sh*t off, let's see what's been holding Hoss's balls at attention all these years.

Gloria:
What?

Otis:
What? Take off your clothes, or one of these a**holes is going to die. Come on, come on.

Baby:
Sh*t, way to go, Roy! she ain't too bad. She got a tight little ass on her!

Otis:
And she got some child-rearing hips. Huh, yeah, hey.

Gloria:
Please don't hurt me. please don't hurt me.

Otis:
Here, ooh, Jeez. Roy, beginning to see what you mean. Whoa.

Gloria:
Please don't hurt me.

Otis:
You like this, don't ya? Say "Yes, I do. " You like that, don't ya? Say "Yes, I do. " Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

Gloria:
Yes, I... I do.

Otis:
Okay. Okay, now. Give me some sugar. Make it sweet. Don't want me to tense up my trigger finger. My finger's getting tense... I want you to say, "You're the almighty devil, and I want you to make me my filthy whore. " Come on, say it. Come on I know. I know you're feeling it. I know you're feeling it. Say it.

Gloria:
You're... the... almighty... devil and I want you... to make me your... f***ing whore.

Otis:
You make me sick.

Baby:
Woo-hoo! I feel like we're all really getting to know each other now.

Otis:
All right, ladies. Me and the boys have an errand to run. We'll be back in a little while. Come on, Hoss, move it. Come on, sh*t stain! Gotta go! Come on! God damn it!

Baby:
Meow! Meow. Hey, pussycat. Hey, got a light?

Roy Sullivan:
No, uh, I don't smoke. My doctor says I got lungs like a professional athlete.

Baby:
Ah, I get it. You wanna live forever.

Roy Sullivan:
Yeah yeah, well...

Baby:
So what, are you on vacation all by yourself or something?

Roy Sullivan:
Yeah... no. I'm actually out here with my singing group. I do the lead singing for it. It's called "Banjo and Sullivan. " I used to sing with Johnny Cash. He shook my hand.

Baby:
I love famous people. They're so much better than the real thing.

Roy Sullivan:
Well, yeah, I suppose they are.

Baby:
I bet all the girls wanna f*** you.

Roy Sullivan:
Would you say that again?

Baby:
I bet all the girls wanna f*** you.

Roy Sullivan:
Do you kiss your mama with that mouth?

Baby:
Trust me, fella. That ain't the only thing I do with this mouth.

Roy Sullivan:
Don't tell me that! What? Say that again.

Baby:
That I ain't the only thing I do with this mouth.

Susan:
Come on, honey. Mommy has to get to work. If I'm late one more time, Mr. McDonnell is gonna can my ass.

Jamie:
I am hurrying! I dropped something.

Susan:
Will you get in the car?! Okay, come on, let's go get in.

Jamie:
Mom, a clown.

Susan:
Yeah yeah, a clown. Oh... hi.

Captain Spaulding:
Hi I'm gonna have to be taking your car today. See I have some top secret clown business that supersedes any plans that you might have for this here vehicle.

Sheriff John Wydell:
Son, if you ever say another derogatory word about Elvis Aron Presley in my presence again, I will kick the living sh*t out of you! you get this Hollywood-loving p*ssy out of my face.

Marty Walker:
Elvis is in Hollywood!

Sheriff John Wydell:
Get the hell outta here!

Marty Walker:
His first film...

Sheriff John Wydell:
Get out!

Marty Walker:
"Love Me Tender," was based on an Irish folk song!

Sheriff John Wydell:
F*ck Groucho!