The Dish

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
That's bullshit. You just bullshitted NASA!

Cliff Buxton:
Do you know what I thought when this first came up?

Glenn Latham:
What, your pipe?

Cliff Buxton:
No. The moon mission.

Glenn Latham:
You beauty?

Cliff Buxton:
I thought, imagine stuffing that up. Isn't that odd?

Glenn Latham:
What?

Cliff Buxton:
Well, that I was more scared than excited.

Glenn Latham:
I don't think that's odd. I feel like that all the time.

Reporter:
No offence, but NASA spends fifteen years, hundreds of millions of dollars so that we can watch man walk on the moon and in the end it falls to you blokes! I mean, how do you feel about that?

Ross "Mitch" Mitchell:
A lot better before you opened your trap!

Politician:
Turns out that Parkes is the biggest radio telescope in the Southern Hemisphere.

Prime Minister:
What's it doing in the middle of a sheep paddock?

Al Burnett:
I stand corrected.

Ross "Mitch" Mitchell:
No, you're WRONG!

Al Burnett:
Do we have a problem?

Ross "Mitch" Mitchell:
Yeah! You treat us like a pack of galahs!

Glenn Latham:
That's a type of parrot.

Al Burnett:
Are you telling me that NASA's prime receiving station has absolutely no idea where Apollo 11 is?

Glenn Latham:
Yeah - it's on its way to the moon.

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
You've just got to tell them.

Cliff Buxton:
That we lost Apollo 11?

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Well, I wouldn't say that first.

Cliff Buxton:
What would you say first?

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
How about "hey, you'll never guess what happened... "

Glenn Latham:
Everything's fine.

Al Burnett:
Except we lost Apollo 11!

Glenn Latham:
Oh, except for that.

Marie McIntyre:
This entire mission is just an example of America's imperialistic greed!

Billy McIntyre:
The engines are filling with hydrogen.

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Can they fix that?

Billy McIntyre:
No, that means it's go for launch.

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Ohhh, *hydrogen*.

Cliff Buxton:
This is science's chance to be daring.

Cliff Buxton:
My wife said something. She said, "Failure is never quite so frightening as regret".

Glenn Latham:
Oh, that's good advice.

Cliff Buxton:
Pretty good.

Glenn Latham:
I wish somebody'd tell me that.

Al Burnett:
I think we ate an entire sheep.

Marie McIntyre:
If you ask me, I think it's the biggest chauvinistic exercise in the world.

May McIntyre:
That's why nobody asks you, darling.

Politician:
NASA's upgraded us. Parkes is now the prime receiving station.

Prime Minister:
Meaning?

Politician:
We've got the moonwalk.

Prime Minister:
Jesus. The people at this place, they know what they're doing?

Politician:
I think so.

Prime Minister:
You'd bloody well hope so!

[Giving oral presentations]

Student:
I haven't done the moon landing, Miss.

Teacher:
Thank God.

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Do you remember what they said when I first proposed this thing?

Len Purvis:
That you were grandstanding, that it was a self-serving stunt to big note yourself.

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Who said that?

[off screen]

Rudi Kellerman:
Who goes there?

[sheep heard bleating]

Al Burnett:
Not everyone at NASA is a hotshot college genius. The guy I most admire is from a one-horse town in Ohio.

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
And what's he do?

Al Burnett:
Tomorrow he's gonna walk on the moon.

Glenn Latham:
...Who's the guy?

Prime Minister:
You know, we've got a saying in the party. You don't f*** up...

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
And?

Prime Minister:
That's it.

Cliff Buxton:
Glenn, come here.

Glenn Latham:
What?

Al Burnett:
Every coordinate in this book has been changed.

Glenn Latham:
Yeah... I changed them.

Al Burnett:
You what?

Glenn Latham:
I changed them.

Al Burnett:
Why?

Glenn Latham:
Because they were wrong.

Al Burnett:
Why were they wrong?

Glenn Latham:
Dunno.

Cliff Buxton:
No, what about them was wrong?

Glenn Latham:
Oh! Well, the figures NASA gave us were for the northern hemisphere... and we're in the southern hemisphere? I can change them back but then you'd be pointing in the wrong d...

Cliff Buxton:
Glenn, it might be a good idea for you to tell us these things.

Glenn Latham:
Oh, sure, I just didn't wanna worry you... Cuppa tea, Al?

Al Burnett:
The Ambassador's coming. Space nut. Knows everything about Apollo 11.

Ross "Mitch" Mitchell:
Does he know where it is?

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Mr Ambassador, on behalf of the people of Parkes, we welcome you to Parkes.

U.S. Ambassador Howard:
Why, thank you, Bob. I can call you Bob?

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Absolutely, Mr Ambassador.

U.S. Ambassador Howard:
Howard. And this is...? [referring to Mrs. McIntyre]

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Len. [referring to Len Purvis]

Len Purvis:
G'day.

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
[realising] I mean May. My wife, May. She's the lemon. [Mrs. McIntyre is dressed in yellow]

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
You remember that night at my place? Trying to sort out the contract with that fella from NASA? 'What about this? What about that?' Two hours, and you finally speak. 'Gentlemen, this should be the contract. We agree to support the Apollo 11 mission.' That was it - one sentence. They couldn't believe it. It was a wonderful moment.

Cliff Buxton:
But this isn't.

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
No, this is a shithouse moment.

Rudi Kellerman:
What's with the alarm?

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
Lets us know it's windy.

Rudi Kellerman:
Oh, well I could'a told you that, it's blowin' a bloody gale out there!

Janine Kellerman:
You have a gun?

Rudi Kellerman:
Yep. This is an official NASA installation, after all.

Janine Kellerman:
Does mum know you have a gun?

Rudi Kellerman:
No. And don't you go telling her, either! Or else she might come and take it off me.

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Lucky about that hydrogen eh?

Cliff Buxton:
We stuffed?

Glenn Latham:
Yep. We're stuffed.

[explaining to Janine how the prime receiving stations work]

Glenn Latham:
Imagine the earth as a basketball.

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
This'll be good.

Glenn Latham:
And on top of the basketball there's... [to Mitch and Cliff] What's the name of the thing you put the pump into?

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
A hole.

Glenn Latham:
Yeah but it's got a name. [Mitch shrugs his shoulders]

Glenn Latham:
The valve! Imagine on top there's a valve, and on the bottom there's another valve and...

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
You know, basketballs only have one valve, Glenn.

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
Well, what's something that has two valves?

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
Tuba?

Glenn Latham:
It's gotta be round.

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
Tamborine?

Glenn Latham:
That doesn't have valves!

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
Coconut!

Cliff Buxton:
Mitch!

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
[referring to his letter from the Prime Minister] You know why this is important?

Len Purvis:
It helps your legal career.

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
No, that's not it.

Len Purvis:
Oh it does, the PM standing next the mayor of Parkes. That's what it's about. Brown-nosing, licking-arse!...

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
No! It's a *vindication*.

Len Purvis:
Oh! A Vindication.

[first lines]

Worker:
Excuse me sir, I'm afraid you've come in the wrong way.

Cliff Buxton:
I'm sorry...

Worker:
Yeah, this is the old entrance. The visitors center is back out and around to the left.

Cliff Buxton:
Right well, I'll wander out then.

Worker:
Well worth it. Some amazing times.

Glenn Latham:
Computer. 20 seconds it does what it used to take me 5 hours on a slide rule.

Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell:
And a basketball.

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, please remain upstanding for the national anthem of the United States of America. [high school band belts out the theme song from Hawaii Five-0]

May McIntyre:
[about moon landing] Do the people in India get to watch it?

Mayor Bob McIntyre:
Yeah, but all on the one telly.

[last lines]

Title Card:
Parks remains a part of NASA missions to this day. And it's still in the middle of a sheep paddock.