The Driller Killer

[Reno opens an envelope for the Con-Ed energy bill]

Reno Miller:
Holy Christ! What is this? They send us the bill to Madison Square Garden? What are they kidding me, man? How the hell are we supposed to pay this bill? What is this? The bill for three months?

Carol:
That's the bill for one month.

Reno Miller:
Christ, what have we got here? A refrigerator, a couple of lights?

[opens another envelope]

Reno Miller:
Let's see here, telephone. Oh no! Houston, Texas?

Pamela:
My mother.

Reno Miller:
Look at this, L.A. $1.50... $2.75... $7.50, man.

Carol:
Yeah, they're mine.

Reno Miller:
You talked to L.A. one time for two hours and 10 minutes? What are you, out of your mind? Are you crazy? Holy Christ! What's this? Philadelphia?

Pamela:
My sister.

Reno Miller:
Miami?

Carol:
That's mine.

Reno Miller:
Trenton, New Jersey... Queens, man!... wait, isn't Queens a local call?

Reno Miller:
Look, I can't even think with these guys playing that music in the place below mine. It's like they play all day and all night. They don't quit for a minute. Hell, they don't even stop to go to the bathroom!

Landlord:
It's not my problem. It's your problem.

Reno Miller:
What do you mean it's my problem? You're the super around here. It's your job to keep this place quiet.

Landlord:
My job? It's not my job. Besides, they don't bother me.

Reno Miller:
What do you mean? Why should they bother you? Look what the hell you're doing, fixing spark plugs. Nighttime comes you just sit around your place drinking a few beers, watching TV. Me, I've gotta work. I've got a painting due. I can't work with those guys playing that loud music.

Landlord:
Look, I can work. But I'm not gonna say anything to them because they don't bother me.

Reno Miller:
Hey, I'm not kidding here. You either tell those cats to keep it quiet, get rid of them, or I'm not paying the rent!

Landlord:
What do you mean you won't pay the rent? Buddy, you don't pay the rent anyway! That's why you bother me all the time, and they don't.

Pamela:
Hey, while I was in the pizza parlor, this creepy old man came up to me and said, "sweetie, you don't have to kiss to make babies." So, I waited until it was about time to leave with the pizza, so I walked right up to him and said out loud, "I know, but you still gotta f***!"

[Tony Coca-Cola is looking at Reno's artwork]

Tony Coca-Cola:
This is a whacked out thing, man. You into rock and roll head trips, baby? Posters? Portraits? I mean... how do you do this, man? How's it done, brother?

Reno Miller:
How is what done?

Tony Coca-Cola:
I mean... if someone needed something special, can you do it?

Reno Miller:
What are you talking about?

Tony Coca-Cola:
I need something special. Like this... of me. Can you do that?

Reno Miller:
You want to know if I can do you a painting. If I can paint a portrait of you? Sure, I can do you a portrait. But it's gonna cost you... 500 bucks.

Tony Coca-Cola:
[grumbles] Four-twenty.

[Reno glares ominously at Tony]

Tony Coca-Cola:
[sighs] Okay, okay, fine! Five-hundred. But I need it right away. I need it now. When can we start?

Dalton Briggs:
No, no, no, no. This isn't right. This is nothing. This is sh*t! Where's the impact? It's just a goddamn Buffalo!

Reno Miller:
Oh, so it's finished? Thank you. It's finished... Since when did you become such an expert on painting? I mean, you're telling me it's finished? What do you know about painting, anyway? Really, what do you know about paint? I'll tell you what you know about paint, man: you don't know nothing about paint, man. You know what you know about? You know about how to b*tch and how to eat and how to b*tch and how to sh*t and how to b*tch! But you don't know nothing about paint, so don't tell me when it's going to be done. I'll tell you when it's going to be done.