The DUFF

Bianca Piper:
Is that a wiener in your mouth or are you just happy to see me?

Madison Morgan:
Caitlyn, take a picture. That's what sucking at life looks like, oh. [pulls a pout face]

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
Where are your girls at?

Bianca Piper:
It's actually not my job to give you pervey intel on my best friends but good luck anyway.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
Well it kind of is though, you know as their duff.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush, Bianca Piper:
Sorry, as their what?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
Duff, D-U-F-F: Designated Ugly Fat Friend.

Bianca Piper:
What did you just say to me?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
It's not like a big deal, every group has one, you know the one who doesn't look as good , thus making their friends look better. The one whose easy to talk to because no one's trying to get with them. You friended up! Good time!

Bianca Piper:
I'm tired of being the approachable one. I want to be the dateable one.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
You're asking me for dating advice today of all days? Are you kidding me?

Bianca Piper:
Look, I have a crush on this boy. His name is Toby Tucker. Maybe you've heard of him. Well, I can't seem to talk to him without making a total ass of myself, okay? And you never seem to have this problem.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
Don't you hate me?

Bianca Piper:
I'm glad you asked. Yes, I do, but only because you're a man-whore, and a dipshit. Can we just, can we just cool off for a sec? Here's my offer. I will make sure you pass science if you help me with this.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
I'm glad you asked. Yes, I do, but only because you're an idiot. Can we just, can we just cool off for a sec? Here's my offer. I will make sure you pass science if you help me with this.

Bianca Piper:
How could you guys not tell me that I was your DUFF?

Jessica 'Jess' Harris:
Our what?

Bianca Piper:
If I wanted to go shopping, I could have done that with Jess and Casey. I need you to give me real talk.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
You've gotta a uniboob. Your posture sucks and your clothes fit weird 'cause you wear the wrong size bra. Boom! Real talk!

Madison Morgan:
Girls, party at my place. I'm sure you've heard of it... Caitlyn, can you make sure you get an Instagram shot of them opening it?

Caitlyn:
Yep, on it.

Madison Morgan:
Oh yeah, I'm doing a video about the party for my YouTube channel.

Bianca Piper:
Whoa, wait, you're having a party on a Wednesday? On a school night?

Madison Morgan:
Yeah, I can do that.

Bianca Piper:
Damn, dude, all right. Well, yeah, we're in.

Madison Morgan:
Oooh, um, Bianca, you have to have an actual invite to get in and I only have a certain amount but, um, if anything changes, I'll let you know.

Casey Cordero:
Problem solved.

Bianca Piper:
Hey, look at that.

Madison Morgan:
Wonderful.

Bianca Piper:
Can't wait! Should I bring anything or, well, okay!

Bianca Piper:
Oh, uh, I... I have a date.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
Hmm? [flexes pecks]

Bianca Piper:
Don't do that?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
You do? You don't? [flexes pecks twice]

Bianca Piper:
Stop! Uh...

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
Question? [rolls pecks]

Bianca Piper:
It's important!

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
What? What do you want? [flexes and rolls them twice with each sentence]

Bianca Piper:
Come on, please!

Bianca Piper:
Why was I Bosley? There were three angels! [glancing in horror at the old dress-up photo on facebook of younger Jess, Casey and herself] .

Dottie:
You... look crazy [stares down in horror at Bianca's pajamas and sock crock attire]

Bianca Piper:
Crazy amazing.

Principal Buchanan:
It's like a prison yard out there.

Mr. Arthur:
Don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?

Principal Buchanan:
Have you not seen Dateline, Catfish, Pretty Little Liars?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
You can't take it so literally. A DUFF doesn't actually have to be fat or ugly. You know, it's like Tony Romo is a Dallas Cowboy. It's not like he rides a horse.

Bianca Piper:
I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

Bianca Piper:
Alright, let's do this sh*t! [upon looking at Jess' finished product]

Dottie:
F***ing A!

Bianca Piper:
Ok free lesson... the first one is always free. Ok so lean in, slowly, close your eyes and [licks his face up to the forehead]

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
[wiping his head with his sleeve] Oh! No way!... You... are a phenomenal kisser!

Bianca Piper:
[in tart voice] Toby, I really need to talk to you, about us.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
Don't tell me, tell Toby [signals towards fancy haired male mannequin]

Mr. Arthur:
You may not believe this, but I was the DUFF out of my friends.

Bianca Piper:
[sarcastically] No! Really?

Mr. Arthur:
Yeah, there was no cool name for it when I was in high school, it was like the Dipshit, Douchebag, use to get Asian Erkel.

Matt:
Oh! What the hell Bianca? [attempts to cover bulge in underwear as Bianca enters the lockeroom]

Bianca Piper:
Kinda looks like a penis, only smaller.

Toby Tucker:
The song was mine.

Bianca Piper:
Yeah I'm not surprised cause it was a piece of sh*t... and so are you.

Jeffrey:
Jess has the hottest ass!

Albert:
Casey has the hottest rack!

Paul:
Bianca, has, the hottest friends.

Jeffrey, Albert, Paul:
Yeah!

Bianca Piper:
In the end, it isn't about popularity or even getting the guy. It's about understanding that no matter what label is thrown your way, only you can define yourself.

Madison Morgan:
What the sh*t?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
Are you giving me kissing advice?

Bianca Piper:
Yes, I guess I am.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
B...

Bianca Piper:
Yeah, you need it.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
That's how people kiss.

Bianca Piper:
Euhm... in porn, maybe.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
What's wrong with porn?

Bianca Piper:
If this was a porn movie, we would not be sitting on a rock having a conversation, you know, you'd be bringing me a pizza or ehm... cleaning my pool.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush:
How old is the porn you are watching?... That is not a thing anymore.