The Dukes of Hazzard

The Balladeer:
Jesse Duke has been to two places in his life: Hazzard County and Korea. As far as he's concerned, that's one place too many.

The Balladeer:
When you're flying by the seat of your pants, nothing sounds better than a Plan B.

Jesse Duke:
The only way I'm leavin' the ranch is in a wooden box!

Jesse Duke:
Guy come out of an antique shop carrying a big grandfather's clock. Bumped into this drunk, broke the clock.

Jesse Duke:
An apple a day will keep the doctor away, darling.

Roscoe P. Coltrane:
(To Cooter) Boy, you couldn't fix an election if your brother was the governor!

Daisy Duke:
I think something bounced up into my undercarriage.

Daisy Duke:
Enos, where's Boss Hogg and Roscoe?" (Enos- At your farm) "Thank you Enos. That might be a new record.

Mr. Prickett:
(To Daisy about his car) "She's faster than a cheetah on cocaine.

NARRATOR:
You know, there's a certain creek that people sometimes canoe up without a paddle. You could say that the Duke boys were on that particular creek right now. Let's kick their ass, Jerry.

Jesse Duke:
Know what happens when you give a politician Viagra?

Luke Duke:
No.

Jesse Duke:
He gets taller!

Jesse Duke:
You know why tornadoes and blonds are so much alike?

Luke Duke:
No.

Jesse Duke:
At first, there's a lot of sucking and blowing, and then you lose your house.

Jesse Duke:
Know what you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

Luke Duke:
No.

Jesse Duke:
You get a piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye.

Jesse Duke:
You know why divorces are so expensive?

Luke Duke:
No.

Jesse Duke:
Because they're worth it!

Sheev:
Hmm, might be a wet fuse.

Bo Duke:
Maybe its backwards.

Sheev:
It's supposed to be backwards, it's a Chinese fuse.

Bo Duke:
No, I mean it's backwards from the way it's supposed to be.

Sheev:
Have you ever been to China? Have you ever been to China?

Bo Duke:
I ate Chinese food once.

Sheev:
Yeah, well you don't blow up Mu Shu Pork my friend.

Bo Duke:
I dated a Korean girl in high school.

Sheev:
That is a totally different Oriental nation. Get an education!

Bo Duke:
You're the one who got the fuse wrong.