The Fighting Temptations

[In church, Darrin's cell phone rings]

Reverend Lewis:
Son, if that's ain't Jesus calling, shut it off.

Miles Smoke:
We're broadcasting live from down by the river side where three lost souls are trying to find Jesus... although personally... I don't think this is where he fell in

[Broadcasting from the picnic]

Miles Smoke:
Congratulations to Willy Johnson's little boy, Bobby Johnson. He won the rock throwing contest. I don't know where that boy learn how to throw a rock like that at. Probably the one who broke the window down at the radio station. I ain't trying to put that out there or nothing, but somebody broke that window. I ain't sayin' he did it, but he sure can throw a rock, that's all I got to say.

Darrin Hill:
Booty is in the eye of the beholder

Lucius:
No, booty gonna be in my hand.

Lucius:
Check it out now, you see, now your Louisiana booty, it gets its renowned buoyancy from its heavy seafood diet, while your Alabama booty, it's characterized by its density. You're talking about a quarter-bouncing ping. And as for your Mississippi booty, it's been an ongoing debate, but consensus say that the Indian genetic contribution gives us its beautiful tone. And as for your Georgia booty, it's been known for ages that the Georgia sun bakes and seals all the booty juices into a slow roast.

Darrin Hill:
I see I'm dealing with a connoisseur.

Lucius:
Oh yeah, for sure. A booty connoisseur.

Darrin Hill:
Your act is terrific.

Lilly:
Yours needs a lot of work.

Lilly:
She is not a Christian. My mama said hollering in a church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a Cadillac.

Paulina Pritchett:
This is a no-smoking house.

Jimmy B.:
It's a no-smoking, no-drinking, no fornicatin', no point of livin' at all house.

Nancy Stringer:
I can' believe I was gonna sleep with you.

Reverend Lewis:
Love your enemies, it will drive them crazy.

Lilly:
You really don't remember me?

Darrin Hill:
You're that Lily?

Lilly:
Yeah, you always used to ask me to be your girlfriend. But I was bound and determined to be Mrs. Michael Jackson

Darrin Hill:
How's that working out for you?

Lilly:
It turns out, I'm not his type.

Paulina Pritchett:
Guns in church. The abomination that causes desolation.

Scooter:
Well, heck, someone should have told me guns weren't allowed. [pulls gun from waist band and sets on top of organ]

Lilly:
Dean is a gift from God.

Paulina Pritchett:
So is snow and rain, but we still have to wear our rubbers.

[last lines]

Darrin Hill:
And if Lilly will have me, I can finally say that I kept my promise.

[Lilly, visibly surprised, contains her joy as the audience goes "awww"]

[Lilly embraces Darrin, accepting his proposal]

Lilly:
You know what Sally told me once? She said when like makes you have to put up with mean and hateful people, just think of 'em as sandpaper. They may scratch you, rub you the wrong way... But eventually, you'll end up smooth and polished. And the sandpaper? It's just gon' be worn out and ugly.