The Flying Car

[sitting in traffic]

Randal:
It's times like this it occurs to me that we were lied to by "The Jetsons."

Dante:
What are you talking about?

Randal:
According to that show we were suppose to be tooling around in flying cars by now. You see any flying cars lately? That's the problem with TV, it always lies to us.

Dante:
Yeah, well most of us rational thinkers weren't banking on a cartoon to offer us a viable glimpse into the future of technological development.

Randal:
Kennedy, all right JFK himself. When he was in office, he stood before the world and promised them a man on the moon within 10 years. Thing is nobody had started working on a space program at that point. JFK had no data to back up his claims, no inside into the practicality of space travel. But you know what he had?

Dante:
Marilyn Monroe.

Dante:
Ok, I'll trade my left foot for the flying car.

Randal:
Why your left foot?

Dante:
Oh, it's got an ingrown toenail.

Dante:
All right! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off. Then him and his friends can have their way with me. All for the flying car.

Randal:
You would do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car? I thought I knew you man.

Randal:
Need I remind you this is for the flying car?

Dante:
It ain't worth it.

Randal:
See? You're what's wrong with this country, hell, with this world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level, never thinking about the rest of us. This country was built on sacrifice, and nearly thirty years of living a life full of selfish foot pampering and inter-gender intercourse has made you too soft to throw your hat over the wall for the good of mankind. And what's worse is: not only do you ruin it for the rest of us with the flying car, but you completely blow the notion of American nobility in the process. The children of the world have no heroic figure to emulate, so the future of mankind continues on its downward spiral into entropy and mass extinction, until all that was once great about the human race lies buried in the primordial stew, to which we'll most certainly return, thanks to you and your refusal to reach for the stars. And you'll forever be remembered as the sad footnote in the book of life, the wimpy little scumbag who could have breached the chasm of becoming and being, but instead opted to cover his own ass -- and foot -- in the process.

Dante:
ALRIGHT! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off, then him and his friends can have their way with me, all for the flying car.

Randal:
You'd do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car? I thought I knew you man.

Randal:
Are you saying you wouldnt cut off your foot for the flying car? You are that selfish?

Dante:
Its my foot how am I supposed to walk?

Randal:
Why Walk? You'll have the Flying Car!

Randal:
Listen to you. The guy is offering you the fire from Olympus that is the flying car and you trade him a bum foot?

Randal:
So you *want* the local?

Dante:
Who am I, the Marquis DeSade? YES, I want the local!

Randal:
Alright...

Dante:
What'd you say it like that for?

Randal:
Eh, it's just a local that knocks you out and while you're out he diddles your peenie.

Dante:
Oh come on!

Randal:
Hey men, *you* made the deal!

Dante:
To trade my foot for the flying car, not to be tortured and molested by some insane German scientist!

Randal:
And his friends.

Dante:
What?

Randal:
Just when he's done with you, he gives his friends a shot at you too.

Dante:
Deal's off!

Randal:
What are ya, some kind of homophobe?

Dante:
No, I just don't want to be diddled by some insane German scientist and his friends, after they've hacked my foot off!

Randal:
Need I remind you, this is for the flying car?

Dante:
It ain't worth it.

Dante:
What the hell kind of scientist is this guy anyway?

Randal:
One with a lot of free time on his hands, and a foot fetish.