The George Burns Special

George Burns:
They say the toughest thing about acting is to be able to laugh and to be able to cry. Well, not for me. If I've got a scene where I have to cry, I just think of my sex life. If I have to laugh, I think of my sex life. I must be a very, very good actor because this morning after taking a shower I looked in the mirror, I laughed and cried at the same time.

George Burns:
Let me tell you something, there isn't a thing I can't do now that I didn't do when I was 18. Which gives you an idea how pathetic I was when I was 18.