The Ghost Breakers

Geoff Montgomery:
It's worse than horrible because a zombie has no will of his own. You see them sometimes walking around blindly with dead eyes, following orders, not knowing what they do, not caring.

Larry Lawrence:
You mean like Democrats?

Larry Lawrence:
The girls call me Pilgrim, because every time I dance with one I make a little progress.

Larry Lawrence:
Pardon me, am I protruding?

Parada:
Are you the one advising Miss Carter to sell the castle?

Larry Lawrence:
No, my advice is keep the castle and sell the ghosts.

Parada:
I myself have heard of only one ghost: the spirit of Don Santiago.

Larry Lawrence:
Tell me, does he appear nightly or just Sundays and Holidays?

Larry Lawrence:
Must have been a frog in my throat.

Alex:
It's better than havin' a knife in it.

Larry Lawrence:
This is no penny ante game, Alex.

Alex:
Well, what are you gonna get out of it?

Larry Lawrence:
Heart failure.

Larry Lawrence:
Me, I'm mentally retarded. I'm still 11 years old when it comes to the 4th of July, circuses and haunted castles.

Larry Lawrence:
[to Alex] Oh, you look like a black out in a blackout. This keeps up, I'm gonna have to paint you white.

Larry Lawrence:
[the power goes out in the storm] Basil Rathbone must be having a party.

Alex:
I just love talking to luggage. I used to be a porter.

Larry Lawrence:
[about Alex] He always sees the darker side of everything. He was born during an eclipse.

Alex:
Hey, boss, you ain't goin' upstairs, are ya? Where those ghosts is?

Larry Lawrence:
Listen, you stay there, and if a couple a fellas come runnin' down the stairs in a few minutes, let the first one go. That'll be me.

Alex:
If somebody passes you, that'll be me.

Alex:
Is that a mummy?

Larry Lawrence:
Yes, it's her great-great-great grand-mummy.

Alex:
A lot of folks don't like you, boss. I expect some of these mornings when I come to get you outta the bed, I'll have to pull the sheet up instead of down.

Larry Lawrence:
I'm in great shape, for the shape I'm in.

Raspy Kelly:
They don't mind a little publicity. They kinda like it.

Larry Lawrence:
I know. I plug them, and they'll plug me.

Raspy Kelly:
He's drivin' his car, see? Another car comes along, runs him into a ditch. Marky gets all smashed up.

Larry Lawrence:
When did it happen?

Larry Lawrence:
Well, I can't tell you exactly, but it'll probably be tomorrow.

[last lines]

Francisco Mederes:
He wasn't playing. That was the real ghost!

Larry Lawrence:
Now we have something to worry about on our honeymoon.

Mary Carter:
Our what?

Larry Lawrence:
Our honeymoon. Didn't I tell ya?

Mary Carter:
No, but I'd like to hear about it.

Larry Lawrence:
You would?

[first lines]

Mary Carter:
Hello, operator? Operator? Operator, the lights in my room. What? The lightning?

Larry Lawrence:
If that's Raspy Kelly, I owe him some money.

Alex:
Well, from the tone of his infections, you better pay him.

Larry Lawrence:
I don't mind dying, but I hate the preliminaries.

Larry Lawrence:
How'd you like the program?

Telephone Girl:
Oh, you were wonderful, if you're any judge.

Mary Carter:
Who are you?

Alex:
I'm Alex, the old family detainer.

Larry Lawrence:
You're bleached!

Alex:
No, I ain't, boss. When I get scared, my albino blood shows through.

[Alex jumps on the assailant in armor struggling with Larry and pulls off the assailant's helmet to see a disfigured man]

Alex:
[gasps] It's a zombie!

Larry Lawrence:
It ain't Baby Stooks!

Alex:
[to Mary] I'm Alex... the old family detainer.

Larry Lawrence:
No, my name is Lawrence.

Mary Carter:
Lawrence what?

Larry Lawrence:
Lawrence.

Mary Carter:
[in mocking/sarcastic tone] Lawrence Lawrence.

Larry Lawrence:
Yeah, and my middle name is Lawrence too. My folks had no imagination.