The Goode Family

Cranky:
You know what I think's funny? [throws lesbian customers out the door] Oh, look, the parking lot's got two mommies!

Gerald Goode:
Uh, I appreciate that you keep saying, "No offense," but it might be easier if you just stopped insulting me.

Helen Goode:
And put this down your pants.

Gerald Goode:
Helen, size doesn't matter. You explained that to me on our fourth date.

Helen Goode:
I know that and you know that, but lesbians don't know that.

Helen:
Nothing ever gets solved with violence.

Ray:
Haven't you ever seen a Charles Bronson movie? [hoots] That man could use violence to solve Pi.

Gerald Goode:
So, President Jensen, we just simply need more money. If you want to have a proportionally diverse staff, we need three more minority hires.

President Kent Jensen:
Hmmm, or we could just fire three white guys. Everybody wins.

Helen Goode:
I've got no problem with abstinence. It's these abstinence people. They're not like us. They wear flag pins, Gerald, and you know as well as I do what that means.

Gerald Goode:
Now, come on, Helen, since the election, we can all wear flag pins.

Helen Goode:
Really? You're gonna wear a flag pin?

Gerald Goode:
Er, no. My point is, maybe we shouldn't be so judgmental. Don't we always try to celebrate people's differences, and learn from them?

Helen Goode:
Sure, if they're like Native Americans or backwards rainforest tribes, but not these people.