The Great Northfield Minnesota Raid

[repeated line]

Cole Younger:
Ain't that a wonderment?

[riding past a brothel, Cole sees two good-looking women in a window]

Cole Younger:
Hello, there, Cousin Maybelle. You look a treat.

Maybelle:
Where you goin'?

Cole Younger:
Well, I ain't got no plans that can't be altered.

[the Missouri legislature has called a special session to consider giving the James/Young gang members amnesty]

Chief detective:
Legislators are here to make laws. We're here to make examples. They're foolish to think that 15 years of criminal behavior can be legislated away. But in the event this amnesty does come into being, we'll already have done our duty. They'll enjoy their amnesty in the hereafter.

Jesse James:
I can't think of one, can you? I've searched back through the crannies of my mind. I can't think of one single honest man we ever robbed.

Frank James:
'Cause we robbed the robbers, that's why. Just the railroads, the banks, all the damned plughats.

Jesse James:
Talk about givin' us amnesty. Hell, it's up to us to give amnesty to them.

Chief detective:
From now on, you men are farmers. Your job is to plow them under like manure. Now get those sons of b*tches.

[first lines]

Narrator:
Even before the wounds of the Civil War had healed in Missouri, the railroads came swarming in to steal the land. Everywhere, men from the railroads were driving poor, defenseless families from their homes. And that's when a fresh wind suddenly began to blow. It was other Clay County farmers, the James and Younger boys, coming to the rescue. They tarred and feathered the railroad men and drove them from the land. From that moment onward, they were outlaws. But the people of Missouri would never forget what the boys had done for them.

[Pinkerton detectives have seriously wounded Cole and Jesse and his gang ride off bent on revenge]

Cole Younger:
Where's Jesse? Where's Jesse?

Jim Younger:
The boys are ridin' again, Cole

Cole Younger:
We got an amnesty comin'! I told Jesse he's gonna have to settle with me if he started things up.

Charley Pitts:
Don't get up, Cole.

Cole Younger:
Got to, Charlie Pitts. Gotta keep gettin' up. 'Cause if you don't some son-of-a-b*tch'll start shovelin' dirt on ya.

Clell Miller:
How far 'way is this place we're goin' to?

Cole Younger:
Couple hundred miles.

Clell Miller:
Damn! My assbone's gone to sleep already.

[a train whistle blows in the distance]

Cole Younger:
Whoa. Clell, how'd you like to ride your assbone on an iron horse?

Boy:
Come on, Cole. Take off your shirt so we can see your bullet wounds.

Cole Younger:
Oh, hell, ain't no difference from any other man's bullet holes.

[referring to his bullet wounds]

Cole Younger:
Fourteen times in fifteen years. Makes a fellow wonder if he choose the right line of work.

Old-timer:
Any damn fool can get himself shot full of holes.

Cole Younger:
It ain't hard gettin' shot. It's the gettin' back up.

Cole Younger:
There's worse things in life than having something permanent.

Jesse James:
We'll make this smug Yankee town weep, or we'll blow it to kingdom come!

Cole Younger:
No, we ain't either, Jesse. Only a fool smokes up a town when it ain't necessary.