The Hollywood Revue of 1929

[To Chorus girl.]

Emcee:
Haven't I met you before in Omaha?

[Chorus girl recognizes him, slaps him, leaves.]

Emcee:
I never forget a face.

Magician:
The egg trick is OUT! But, nevertheless, we will show YOU how to put a large cake into OBLIVION!

Emcee:
Ladies and gentlemen -- in fact, all of you. Feeling that you are weary of domestic triangles, we have gone to Europe for our next scene. The locale is Turkey, southern Turkey. You see, Turkey is divided into three zones, namely, the white meat, the dark meat, and the part I always get.

Emcee:
Now, I believe that most of you are unfamiliar with the adagio. I know I am. And so are the dancers. And if "adagio" means what I think it does, imagine my embarrassment. Incidentally, this is the 1929 Adagio with the standard gearshift. On with the dance.

Juliet:
Now, listen, boyfriend, you have a nice line of chatter but how do I know you care for me in a big way?

Romeo:
Julie baby, I'm ga-ga about you. No kiddin', honey, your teeth are like pearls, your eyes are like diamonds and your lips -- like rubies.

Juliet:
You talk like a pawnbroker.

Romeo:
No, on the level, honest. You're the pansies in my garden, the cream in my mocha and java, the berries in my pie.

Emcee:
The, uh, little number you just heard called "Singin' in the Rain" is an optimistic song and was, of course, written by an optimist. In fact, all of the lyrics like "There's a Rainbow 'Round My Shoulder" and "Let a Smile Be Your Umbrella" and so forth were all written by this same man who finally became so discouraged that he killed himself. Hm.

Romeo:
[to Juliet] By yonder blessed moon, I swear. Which tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops...