The Hours and Times

John Lennon:
I find you an engaging and remarkable man, Brian. I've never met a man like you. I don't really want to have it off with you.

Brian Epstein:
[hopefully] But you've never ruled it out?

John Lennon:
Well, that would be putting you in an awful place, wouldn't it?

Brian Epstein:
It has to be better than what I've been feeling lately.

John Lennon:
If you don't f*** me, who will you f***? It's a cold, cruel world out there, Brian. Everyone thinks we're off humpin' the weekend away. That really f***in' pisses me off.

John Lennon:
The lads are probably having a big party without us.

Brian Epstein:
You're not allowed to think about them. Doctor's orders.

John Lennon:
Dr. B. Epstein, Certified Faith Healer and Proctologist. What a shitty job that must be. No pun intended.

Brian Epstein:
I was surprised you brought up what you brought up just now. Why is it so awkward when we talk about it?

John Lennon:
Don't know.

Brian Epstein:
It puts me in a very awkward position. You see, I get the feeling I'm supposed to bring it up and then I'm damned for doing so.

John Lennon:
I enjoy hearing about your conquests - this lorry driver, that docker.

Brian Epstein:
Yes, well, that's all very well, but it's when it comes closer to home - I just don't know what to say when that happens.

John Lennon:
You know what Jung would call you?

Brian Epstein:
What's that?

John Lennon:
One queer Jew.

[John is in the bath, playing the harmonica]

John Lennon:
Alright, Eppy?

Brian Epstein:
Sounds like you're having fun.

John Lennon:
Been waitin' for you to scrub me back.

John Lennon:
Sometimes I want a woman to push me like the wind. Sometimes I want a woman to eat my sh*t.