The Hucksters

Victor Albee Norman:
Miss Hammer, take a memorandum. To Mr. Kimberly: Dear Kim, For four years I haven't been listening to the radio much. Paragraph. Kim, in that time, it's gotten worse, if possible. More irritating, more commercials per minute, more spelling out of words, as if no one in the audience had gotten past the first grade. Paragraph. I know how tough Evans is, and some of the other sponsors, but I think we make a great mistake in letting them have their own way. We're paid to advise them. Why can't we advise them that people are grateful for what free entertainment they get on the air, grateful enough to buy the product that provides good shows. But, they have some rights, Kim, it's their homes we go into, and they're not grateful to people who get one foot in the door by pretending to offer them music and drama, and then take too much time in corny sales talk. Paragraph. I want to go on record as saying that I think radio has to turn over a new leaf. We've pushed and badgered the listeners, we've sung to them and screamed at them, we've insulted them, cheated them and angered them, turned their homes into a combination grocery store, crap game and midway. Kim, some day, 50 million people are going to just reach out and turn off their radios, [snaps fingers] snap, just like that - and that's the end of the gravy, for you, and me, and Evans. Sign it love and kisses, Vic.

Clerk:
Anything?

Victor Albee Norman:
I want a very sincere necktie.

Clerk:
I beg your pardon?

Victor Albee Norman:
I want something that makes me seem sincere. You know, honest; genuine; upright; trustworthy.

Clerk:
Well... um, here's a handpainted one in four colors; at thirty-five dollars. Is that sincere enough?

Victor Albee Norman:
I think, my friend, any more sincerity would be downright foolhardy.

Victor Albee Norman:
[to Kay] I don't want anything from you except you.

Mrs. Kimberly:
[to Kay] I'm sorry. I'm afraid now it's going to be two subjects: business talk and oomph.

Mr. Kimberly:
Well, what else is there?

Victor Albee Norman:
[Tongue in cheek] There's always mah-jong.

Kay Dorrance:
You'll say anything to win your point, won't you? Make any promise?

Victor Albee Norman:
That's the kind of guy i am. I haven't kidded you about that.

Kay Dorrance:
[after a pause] Well, I didn't believe it. I thought you were more than that.

Victor Albee Norman:
Now you know.

Kay Dorrance:
[Resigned] Now I know.

Victor Albee Norman:
[to Kay] Have you ever seen dawn from a beach?

Buddy Hare:
[Jauntily] Hi yuh, chum1 Just call me buddy.

Victor Albee Norman:
[Dourly] hi, and most people call me Vic. You can call me Victor.

Jean Ogilvie:
Wanna secretary, Mr. Norman?

Victor Albee Norman:
How's your shorthand?

Jean Ogilvie:
[Adding to the double-entendre] Some people like it.