The Knights of Prosperity

Eugene Gurkin:
[fails to climb a fence] Most of my athleticism is of a horizontal nature.

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Let's rob Fran Drescher!

Rockefeller Butts:
She got that Nanny money.

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Question. How much did you pay for that large photo of Mick Jagger?

Eugene Gurkin:
32 bucks. [loud exclamations from the group]

Esperanza Villalobos:
Why do we need this?

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
You could've got half the size, and we could sit here. [moves chair forward] And it would only cost 16 dollars. [moves chair forward] And 8 dollars. [moves chair forward] And 4 dollars.

Rockefeller Butts:
What about wallet size?

Eugene Gurkin:
We are robbing Mick Jagger, okay? You get a large photo of Mick Jagger, okay? That's how its done people!

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
Twenty-five grand in the hand is worth all of the stuff in Mick Jagger's apartment in the bush!

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
You're not a human being, you're an intern.

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
You know, Rockefeller, you're a very handsome man,

Rockefeller Butts:
Kiss my ass.

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
If that would change your vote, I'm open to it.

Simone Cashwell:
Sir, is that a... coffee filter on your head?

Hawthorne Jansen:
I've developed security plans for some of the top celebrities in Hollywood - your Ian Zierings, your Elayne Booslers, your Weird Als Yankovic...

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Is Weird Al really weird?

Hawthorne Jansen:
That's not the question you should be asking. You should be asking, has he ever been murdered? Not on my watch. Has he ever been robbed? Not on my watch. Has he ever been raped? That's between him and his God.

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
What did you have for dinner? It smells like the Black Hole of Calcutta in here!

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Funny you should mention dinner, as I seem to be the only one here with food...

Eugene Gurkin:
Is that caviar?

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Yes. And a mother-of-pearl spoon. Everybody can have some, except for Squatch.

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
Who cares, I don't want any of your damn caviar!

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
[after realizing Rockefeller needs to use the portapotty] Dear Lord, please let you not mean what I think you mean.

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
I can't do the perp-walk dressed like this! They're gonna throw me in Bellvue with the cuckoo birds!

Esperanza Villalobos:
Most men, they say, "Esperanza, I love you," and then they make a beeline straight for my vagina. But not you all. You treat me as an equal, with respect. I really appreciate that you don't want to have the sex with me.

Eugene Gurkin:
Okay, guys, I got a genius plan. We form a human pyramid with Louis on top, and when Louis get's on top -

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Chief?

Eugene Gurkin:
Yeah, Gary?

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Please, no more genius ideas.

Eugene Gurkin:
What're you talking about?

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Your genius ideas will get us all killed.

Eugene Gurkin:
Come on, Gary...

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
Chief! I love you like a brother, but you did get us into this, so maybe you better just sit down and let the rest of us figure a way out.

Eugene Gurkin:
What? Look, I hate to pull rank, Squatch, but I am still kinda the leader around here -

Rockefeller Butts:
Maybe you better just lead your mouth to shuttin', Eugene.

Eugene Gurkin:
What the hey's goin' on, is this some kinda mutiny?

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Esperanza, I would like to have sex with you.

Eugene Gurkin:
Didn't you not even listen to what she just said?

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Yes, yes, I heard, but why should what she said change what I say? Just because she doesn't want me to want to have sex with her doesn't mean I magically don't want to have sex with her. I really do, I'm sorry, I swear I really do.

Esperanza Villalobos:
It's okay, Gary. I appreciate your honesty.

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
Really? So does that mean that we could -

Esperanza Villalobos:
[quickly] No.

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
But we only have two minutes and -

Esperanza Villalobos:
No.

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
Even though I give you guys a hard time... I'm gonna miss youse. You all mean a lot to me, and you're a very special group of people. [beat]

Louis Plunk:
[to the tune of Beethoven's 5th] Gay-gay-gay-gay...

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
Three minutes is plenty enough time for me to beat you to a pulp.

Francis 'Squatch' Squacieri:
[referring to the degree of Rockefeller's injury] Apollo 13 couldn't penetrate that buttock.

Gourishankar 'Gary' Subramaniam:
We don't even have gay in India.

Eugene Gurkin:
We're like Ocean's Eleven!

Rockefeller Butts:
More like Ocean's Idiots.

Francis Squatch Squacieri:
I really liked the bridges, and I thought that Madison was an excellent county.

Eugene Gurkin:
I was born with a plastic spork in my ass!