The Lieutenant

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
How do the new men look, Clintock?

Sergeant Clintock:
Like always, sir, but we'll fix that.

[first lines]

Sallaway Sr.:
Bill!

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Mr. Sallaway.

Sallaway Sr.:
Bill, you look marvelous.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
I must have been daydreaming. At first I didn't even recognize you.

Sallaway Sr.:
Well, I hardly recognize myself these days what with this.

[Mr. Sellaway hold up a cane]

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Dad wrote and said you weren't feeling well. I told him you were probably faking.

Sallaway Sr.:
You're right. I'm fine, Bill. Sort of a little half-speed, but I'm fine.

Stew Sallaway:
Look, look, recon's a glamor outfit. Arnie and I are going to get along just fine.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Arnie?

Stew Sallaway:
Yeah, Arnie - Major Garvey. Now look, I can make out just great there. It's right down my alley. Besides, it's got a lot of flash, you know. They like guys who can think on their feet. You know, I'm a pretty good Marine, Bill.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
You're a pretty bad Marine, Stu.

[last lines]

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
All right, Private Sallaway, fall out!

Stew Sallaway:
Look, Bill...

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Outside, Private!

Stew Sallaway:
I tried to explain to you, Bill...

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
You'll get your transfer eventually, but for every formation you miss, I'll delay it for a week.

Stew Sallaway:
Now look...

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
And every time you're late for duty, I'll delay it for another week. And every time you get out of line with a superior, still another week. Oh, and Private - stand up straight when I'm talkin' to you! I forgot to mention it... it just so happens that Arnie is an old friend of mine and I never send an old friend half-finished merchandise.

Sergeant Clintock:
Sallaway, report!

[Stu races outside to join his platoon's formation]

Amory:
There was a girl, Bill, a long time ago - married, a couple of kids. I knew her husband. She and I were great pals. She told me all her troubles. I don't see what's so blasted surprising about that - there were women around when I was a lieutenant.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Yes, sir.

Amory:
Anyway, I was flattered. This marvelous woman had turned to me as sort of a big brother... except it didn't remain a simple friendship. I don't think it ever does.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Sir, if you're suggesting that something has happened between Jan and me...

Amory:
I'm *suggesting* that you do exactly what I did when I found out where we were heading.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
What was that, sir?

Amory:
Run like a thief.

[last lines]

Cissie Van Osten:
I guess you know that Jan is leaving the committee.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Yes. Martha Amory called me about that.

Cissie Van Osten:
You and I will be working together. I'm taking Jan's place.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
I think that's fine, Cissie.

Cissie Van Osten:
I think the sooner we review the details the better. As a matter of fact, Ellie Holtman dropped me off and I don't have my car. You could drive me home and then we could talk. You could stay to dinner.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
I have a new policy concerning social engagements, Cissie - no dinner with married women unless the entire regiment is present.

Cissie Van Osten:
Well, that's a nasty thing to say. Well, the least you can do if you're a gentleman, is to make sure you have a ride home.

[Bill hands Cissie a broom]

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Rice, W.T., reporting in, sir.

Captain Ray Rambridge:
At ease. You're the Naval Academy one, huh?

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Yessir, last Annapolis class! Did the captain...

Captain Ray Rambridge:
I came up through the ranks.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Will the captain hear a protest?

Captain Ray Rambridge:
Your protest?

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
My military specialty is infantry, sir. The remaining rifle company vacancies are being taken fast and being loaned out like this means I could end up in supply, communications or anywhere.

Captain Ray Rambridge:
So?

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Within the next few days, sir, there's bound to be a staff replacement arriving who can handle this investigation without-without anyone's career being jeopardizing.

Captain Ray Rambridge:
Lieutenant, I have a job which needs doing right now and you're here right now. Now that's very much like being in the wrong place at the wrong time and catching a bullet. You're a casualty. Now do I need to call a medical corpsman or can see your way to the door through your tears.

Private:
...Then taking the trigger housing group, you next take the trigger housing holding pin and insert it like that.

Sgt. Horace Capp:
Which is exactly backwards - meaning your lock spring won't lock, meaning your M-60 won't fit together, meaning you won't live, meaning you won't live and if I'm unlucky enough to be in the area I won't...

[Rice enters the room]

Sgt. Horace Capp:
Ten-hut!

[referring to Sampan's huge surfboard]

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Back home in Indiana, we used to iron our shirts on those.

Sampan:
So bring your laundry and join us.

Lt. Col. Raleigh Wade:
Well, as long as Rice is here, you can keep him if you wish.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
I feel responsible for this thing becoming so serious, sir. It I could just stay here on loan for a while...

Captain Ray Rambridge:
Rice, will you make up your mind? This morning your whole career was going down the drain because you didn't have a platoon.

Lt. Col. Raleigh Wade:
If you're worried about the men blaming you for this, you're probably right. If you feel you can't handle a platoon under these circumstances...

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
That's not it, sir. The job just wouldn't give me time to...

Captain Ray Rambridge:
Personnel can list Lieutenant Rice commanding 3rd platoon, Bravo Company, sir, as of right now.

Lt. Col. Raleigh Wade:
Good luck. You'll probably need it.

Captain Ray Rambridge:
Lieutenant, you know you could very well wind up making a fool of yourself in front of half the regiment. There will be plenty of men there who have actually attacked and taken villages and they expect to see it done right.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
You say my platoon has been through this dozens of times, sir.

Captain Ray Rambridge:
They could walk through it blindfolded. Your problem isn't what they can do.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
If I can and if they know their jobs, then all you want me to do is know when to nod, right, sir?

Captain Ray Rambridge:
Right - but, of course, that's all there is to love, poker and politics, too.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
I must hold some sort of record. Less than 36 hours from reporting in I get a guy set up for a general court martial, get my commanders on my back, louse up my first assignment, my platoon hates me and probably more.

[after his platoon's first inspection]

Captain Ray Rambridge:
You're lucky the battalion commander took pity on you, Mister. You call that waltz-through an inspection? I want this platoon shaped up and I want it shaped up fast!

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Yessir!

Captain Ray Rambridge:
And just what were you trying to do out there in Combat Town yesterday? You're not ready to rewrite the book yet, Lieutenant.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
No sir.

Captain Ray Rambridge:
And, finally, I'd like to advise you to start getting some sleep. You're carrying a big enough load of sheer ignorance without adding fatigue to it.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Yes, sir.

Captain Ray Rambridge:
That's all.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Captain, that's the second time you've chewed me out in front of my men. Now, I understand you're trying to teach me something and I appreciate it, but I'll be leading this platoon long after this exercise is over, sir, and I can't lead them if you undermine...

Captain Thomson:
Objection noted, Lieutenant.

[Thomson walked out of an officer's mess when the company began making toasts]

Captain Thomson:
You understand, I took over command of his platoon! Even in mock battle, I wanted to win so hard, I lost all perspective.

Lt. Col. Hiland:
Ken, you always fought hard to win and it paid off in combat, but you just said it. Perspective - you've got to keep your perspective!

Captain Thomson:
Now if you had asked me straight out this afternoon, I might have lied.

Lt. Col. Hiland:
But you didn't.

Captain Thomson:
Yes, but I might have! I couldn't sit in there knowing that.

Lt. Col. Hiland:
Which confirms something I always knew about you. A liar would have sat in that seat.

Lt. Col. Hiland:
Ken, I filled out your fitness report this afternoon. I can't tell you how I marked you, but I can mention some of the comments on the back. I strongly recommended a three-year tour of administration and supply duty. As a matter of fact, I made it so strong that I doubt they'll promote you under any other circumstances.

Captain Thomson:
You don't think I'm going to sit still for that!

Lt. Col. Hiland:
Now listen... you can turn this down and get out. That's your decision. But since we can't put men like you in deep-freeze between wars, I'm going to make certain that those who stay in are fully qualified in those areas that you consider boring, penny-pinching and tedious in peace-time service. Without that, we wouldn't be able to fight when they need us and if you don't understand that, Mister, you'd better get out! Now they're waiting for me in there. I've got to get back... Will you join us?

[last lines]

Lt. Col. Hiland:
And now, gentleman, our next toast. Mr. Vice-President - to the United States Marine Corps.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Gentlemen, the United States Marine Corps!

Jean:
What kept you - or shouldn't we ask?

Sally:
He fell asleep - blink, like that! Just in the 30 seconds it took me to get my coat.

Lt. Harris:
Wait, just wait. You, too, will run into Captain Thomson.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Thomson... that's counter-insurgency, right?

Lt. Harris:
That's right - he's the grrr in guerilla tactics.

Sgt. Baker:
Sir, is the smoking lamp lit?

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Yes...

Captain Thomson:
Lieutenant, I also suggest that you have your men kick the smoking habit for the next five days. Guerillas that are good at their jobs can smell cigarette smoke further than you can smell wood smoke; guerillas who are not good at their jobs don't live long enough to matter.

Brig. Gen. Ira Stone:
What was Quinlan's answer?

Col. Clinton Hiland:
You could be putting your star on the line, sir. They'll probably ask you to go back and say it in person.

Brig. Gen. Ira Stone:
They pay me to say what I believe, Colonel. I won't short change 'em.

Col. Clinton Hiland:
General, that Lieutenant Rice... he must have impressed you.

Brig. Gen. Ira Stone:
I'm giving him a chance to impress me.

Col. Clinton Hiland:
Well, he's a little green for this assignment. Wouldn't help his career any if he couldn't hack it.

Brig. Gen. Ira Stone:
Could be - or he could be marked down as someone to watch.

Col. Clinton Hiland:
It's a risk for a man with two or three years behind him. It's lot to ask, sir.

Brig. Gen. Ira Stone:
That's right. I ask a lot.

[speaking to the daughter of a full colonel]

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
You're selling yourself short. Stop wearing your father's eagles. You don't need them, believe me.

[relating to Bill's fear of flying]

Lt. Sam Panosian:
I guess I had the normal whitening of the knuckles during takeoffs and landings, but my fingernails never actually pierced the upholstery.

[over Panosian and Rice's objections, the buxom Maria grabs their heavy suitcases]

Maria:
Oh no, don't bother. It helps to keep me in shape.

Lt. Sam Panosian:
By George, it does at that.

Maria:
Anything I may do for you?

Lt. Sam Panosian:
Ah, tell me a story.

Maria:
About what?

Lt. Sam Panosian:
About what a beautiful manager like you is doing in a place like this?

Maria:
I got it in a divorce settlement.

[referring to Maria, the shapely manager of their motel]

Lt. Sam Panosian:
Oh, non-o-non-o-ne-me! Did you dig that? It would only take nine of her to make a dozen. Divorce - well, no wonder. Marrying her would be bigamy!

Lt. Cdr. Johnson:
The problem is you were sick on the ground, too. Now that indicates an inner tension - fear. Now that's perfectly normal psychological attitude - fear of a new dimension, of esoteric machinery, the unknown, the unfamiliar. You see, all fear springs from ignorance concerning the fright object. Children are afraid of the dark. Now what happens to it when you turn on the light? Then they can see and they know. The light is knowledge and understanding.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
I'm not a child, sir, and I'm not afraid of the dark. I'm an adult and I'm afraid of an airplane.

Lt. Cdr. Johnson:
And you don't trust your pilot and your equipment.

Lt. William 'Bill' Rice:
Why do you say that?

Lt. Cdr. Johnson:
Because you're an intelligent young man and probably basically independent. Sheer guts, you understand, can also be sheer stupidity. We all rebel at placing our lives totally in the hands of another in a medium we're strange to. Now you're sick; you came to me; placed yourself in my hands. Your pilot knows his job as well as I know mine.