The Life of Riley

[last lines]

Chester A. Riley:
Some guys have an off day... I have an off life.

Jim Gillis:
You're tellin' me.

[first lines]

Narrator:
Whether for the highest post in its power or the lowliest, America speaks at its election polls. From Maine to California the ballots pour in, are tabulated and the chosen placed in their official capacity which the majority feels them best suited. Fired with this privilege of free speech is fellow worker Chester A. Riley

Chester A. Riley:
And I'm tellin' you that a vote for me is a vote for prosperity. A vote for that gopher that's runnin' against me is a vote for empty dinner pails and one pair of pants with every suit. I got planks in my head that will satisfy everybody!

Junior Riley:
Hurray for Plankhead Riley!

[last lines]

Chester A. Riley:
[giving an impromptu speech before his boss and others] Mr. Cunningham, friends, honored guests. It's a far, far better thing that Mr. Cunningham is doing than I have ever done. It's a great thing getting behind hotrodders to stop kids from becoming juvenile delinquents. Because as we all know, the kid who builds himself a car with a fast getaway - is never gonna be caught by the cops! I mean - well, you know what I mean.

Jim Gillis:
I love my wife just as much as the next guy. It's just my luck that the next guy didn't get her.

Chester A. Riley:
I want you all to understand one thing. Usually when I come home I'm meek, calm and pleasant, but tonight I'm revoltin'!

Junior Riley:
That's not much of a change.

Peg Riley:
You've been mixed up since I met you, dear.

Chester A. Riley:
Then why did you marry me?

Peg Riley:
Because I love you.

Chester A. Riley:
That's no excuse!

Chester A. Riley:
[to Peg] You're the one who said two of us could live as cheap as one.

Babs Riley:
There are four of us now.

Chester A. Riley:
That's right, blame me for everything!

Babs Riley:
I could go live with Corinne Baker.

Junior Riley:
I could quit school and get a job.

Chester A. Riley:
You two are staying right here! You're the only things we own outright.

Chester A. Riley:
Don't bother me. I'm reading the stock markets.

Junior Riley:
What's Li'l Abner doin'?

[last lines]

Peg Riley:
You humiliated my life and on top of that, do you realize you might have gotten a bullet in your brain?

Chester A. Riley:
No, no - not a chance, Peg. It would take a pretty good sharpshooter to hit my brain.

Peg Riley:
Oh, Riley...

From the tv show:
“My head is made up. Don’t confuse me with facts.” Said often. Reminds me if some current politicians,